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Honestly, this is about what makes YOU happy (young child and you are working 60 hr weeks?!) if you are ok with your parents visiting monthtly (his parents get a free pass to drop by whenever?!!!) - then he needs to be too-
his not respecting your needs and wants and alienating you from your family is a BIG warning sign.
Been there and done that- we are divorced- but thats where it started for us- if you guys are both working that many hours, I would welcome family care over day care any day...
Honestly, this is about what makes YOU happy (young child and you are working 60 hr weeks?!) if you are ok with your parents visiting monthtly (his parents get a free pass to drop by whenever?!!!) - then he needs to be too-
his not respecting your needs and wants and alienating you from your family is a BIG warning sign.
Been there and done that- we are divorced- but thats where it started for us- if you guys are both working that many hours, I would welcome family care over day care any day...
You are trying to connect some dots here that you can't really do based on what she posted.
If you call a dude that has had inlaws living with him for six month and deciding he was done with that, if that's controlling, if that is indeed the leap you're making, then sign me up as a controlling guy. I would slit my wrists if I had that much inlaw activity in my house. Stopping by and visiting here and there for a couple three days is one thing. This staying with them for a week out of every month is horse poo.
These wasn't a thing about him wanting to alienate her from her family, at least not what I saw. The problem is is that people read things and then project their own baggage into it.
Yes, my parents started staying with us to help babysit since daycare was not an option we wanted after visiting a few in our area. I work overnight for over 12 hours at a time sometimes so it was easier then to have them stay over and help. We do have a babysitter now though but originally it was between both our parents who would babysit but now that's just not working out. They came frequently so over the past year it's been about 6 months probably like 1 or 2 months or few weeks at a time. Still. As the oldest, it's hard to say they can't come because they feel I'm disrespecting them and kicking them out. A hotel would be good but costly with the amount of time they're here. But I can't find a way to tell them that we need some space without them going ballistic on me now. I do appreciate all the views from everyone and understand there's a lot of feelings that will get hurt regardless of how things unwind.
Yes, my parents started staying with us to help babysit since daycare was not an option we wanted after visiting a few in our area. I work overnight for over 12 hours at a time sometimes so it was easier then to have them stay over and help. We do have a babysitter now though but originally it was between both our parents who would babysit but now that's just not working out. They came frequently so over the past year it's been about 6 months probably like 1 or 2 months or few weeks at a time. Still. As the oldest, it's hard to say they can't come because they feel I'm disrespecting them and kicking them out. A hotel would be good but costly with the amount of time they're here.
But I can't find a way to tell them that we need some space without them going ballistic on me now. I do appreciate all the views from everyone and understand there's a lot of feelings that will get hurt regardless of how things unwind.
You are married. Once you said your marriage vows you had a new family, you and your husband. And, now your new family includes your child.
I am still trying to figure out how your parents can leave their employment for "1 or 2 months or few weeks at a time" and still keep their jobs. And, leave their friends and social life and other responsibilities for all that time to come and babysit in a different city.
IMHO, you are not disrespecting your parents but are respecting your husband and your marriage vows.
Of course, what is "good for the goose, is good for the gander" so your husband has to realize that his parents can't just "drop in" whenever they want to, as well.
Yes, my parents started staying with us to help babysit since daycare was not an option we wanted after visiting a few in our area. I work overnight for over 12 hours at a time sometimes so it was easier then to have them stay over and help. We do have a babysitter now though but originally it was between both our parents who would babysit but now that's just not working out. They came frequently so over the past year it's been about 6 months probably like 1 or 2 months or few weeks at a time. Still. As the oldest, it's hard to say they can't come because they feel I'm disrespecting them and kicking them out. A hotel would be good but costly with the amount of time they're here. But I can't find a way to tell them that we need some space without them going ballistic on me now. I do appreciate all the views from everyone and understand there's a lot of feelings that will get hurt regardless of how things unwind.
You asked for marriage advice but you seem to be wanting parent/child advice.
Oldest or youngest, it's disrespectful of your family (you, husband and baby) for them to be so demanding and intrusive toward your family and your home. Find a way to tell them. If they can't respect that, so be it. You have an unfortunate and difficult choice to make. You can be a child, live in fear of your parents and obey Mommy and Daddy or you can be a wife and mother and save your marriage and your family unit. Good luck. No one ever said it was easy.
I'd gut myself if I had in-laws living in my house for 6 months. No, not gonna happen, EVER. The MIL is a nice lady but I need my space and your home needs to be the one place you can relax and be your sanctuary. Unless you're living in a HUGE mansion with separate living areas I couldn't imagine having people living with me for 6 months straight.
That's beyond ludicrous to me. Having in-laws over for a week at a time once a month I believe the OP said was still completely unacceptable to me. I'm a pretty staunch introvert, so maybe it's just me. LOL.
Mrs. Chow would step in front of a bus before allowing my dad to live with us for 6 months straight.
I'm trying to be understanding of the OP's situation, but I just can't get my head around the attachment to her parents. Cut the apron strings already......
You're being TOO kind with this!
One week a month would be enough to drive me to the 'Lawyer' section in the yellow pages.
You are trying to connect some dots here that you can't really do based on what she posted.
If you call a dude that has had inlaws living with him for six month and deciding he was done with that, if that's controlling, if that is indeed the leap you're making, then sign me up as a controlling guy. I would slit my wrists if I had that much inlaw activity in my house. Stopping by and visiting here and there for a couple three days is one thing. This staying with them for a week out of every month is horse poo.
These wasn't a thing about him wanting to alienate her from her family, at least not what I saw. The problem is is that people read things and then project their own baggage into it.
Could not agree more. It irks me when the "controlling" card gets played immediately.
This is NOT a case of one spouse angrily objecting to, say, a once monthly book club with the moms, or a boys golf weekend.
This appears to be a young, super busy couple trying to figure out their lives with a new child. They deserve the space to work it out.
I just can't understand why people WANT to be in a marriage/committed relationship if they view these sorts of things as potential abuse/control by the other spouse. Just friggin stay single and do whatever you want the rest of your life.
Hi,
... So my family stayed with us for months to help probably 6 months but then it was stressful due to all the family tension and caused a lot of drama bc of the arguments and non trusting of both parents.... But now he is even more refusing of having my family stay even for a week each month or every few months....
WHOA! This may be the norm for your family, but it would drive most husbands nuts. If you, and your parents, attempt to continue this, it'll likely end your marriage. You've got to decide which is more important, maintaining your own family (you, your husband and your child) or including your parents without a husband and without your child for much of the time.
You and your parents are driving a huge wedge between you and your husband. Moving in for 6 months? Moving in for a week every month or two? No way! That's a recipe for certain disaster. I hope you and your parents realize this quickly, before it ends your marriage.
IMHO, you don't only need marital counseling, you need family counseling -- to include your parents. They need to understand that what they're doing, as well-intentioned as it may be, is very destructive to your life and family -- and that it would be with the preponderance of men in this country.
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