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Usually, those who fall into this category are those who ARE unattractive, older, sick, not physically able to, or have some other type of condition that prevents them from being attractive to those of the opposite sex or gives them difficulty in finding a "partner".
Hmm...in my case I fall into the "hot but not willing to do it with someone who is married, unemployed, lazy, hygienically-challenged, or a Nascar fan"
Now, if I had the urge to be a cougar, I could really clean up around here. Seems that they're the only single men hitting on me lately. But you know...I just don't find someone the age of my children to be mentally attractive.
Id like to know how many are celibate by choice and how many not by choice. Its a big big big difference between the two. Most people who are celibate not by choice are those who cannot find someone and/or no one wants to with them. This would include the old, the sick, the unattractive. I dont think these people would think of it as "celebrating celibacy" unless they are just trying to psych themselves up mentally to make them feel better about their plight. Those who do it by choice usually have a very good reason and I would like to hear their reasoning.
I guess I can say that I have been by choice for the last three months. Only because the wife is in her third trimester of her pregnancy and mentally, I just cant. But that will change very very soon.
I would disagree ! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Your definition of "unattractive, old or sick", might not be shared by the majority. I think anyone can get sex if they really want it, doesn't matter what they look like.
Well first let me say that I don't have to convince myself on this board that I am happy. I live a very fulfilled life and am more or less happy with my circumstances. There are of course things outside of my control that I can't do anything about, those things you just have to let go of course.
Am I so ugly no one wants to have sex with me? NO. If I wanted to have sex, I could but I don't have sex with the same regard as an alley cat. I believe in an emotional element being in place first.
I did try to date someone but I didn't feel I had the emotional ability to become involved in a relationship. I also am not the type to go out and satisfy myself with someone, or anyone that I can get into bed.
I have been treated in the past as if I am a posession, people have been with me more for what I an do for them then for a real desire for a give and take relationship. Sex and love are precious things to me, I don't give them away like throwing away litter. It seems like the men I have been unwise enough to allow into my life have felt like they owned me, I have had to give up parts of myself to the point where I don't know whats left thats me.
I can't tell you how many MEN have tried to get me in the sack by telling me I NEED sex, trying to convince me that I am in that little control of myself, that I am LIKE them. This is just not the case.
Some have even tried to convince me that having someone is better then having no one at all. I can say from my experience this is not true, it might be for some people but not for me. I relish the silence, the ability to do what I want with my time, the ability to dedicate the time I see fit to my daughter. OUR life is what is important, bolstering the ego of some idiot simply isn't in the plan.
Maybe someday a man will come along that isn't an idiot and maybe I will want him in my life, who knows. I can see myself living the rest of my life on my own.
It's been almost exactly a year for me, and like RoamingRed said, it's both a choice and not a choice for me. I think when it comes down to it, everything in life is a choice.
If I CHOSE to, I could focus on the things that would make me attractive and increase my odds of scoring. I could abandon my kids, use that extra time to hit the gym every day, get a couple tattoos, buy a motorcycle, treat women like objects and play the numbers game, subdue my real personality and adopt the cocky elusive personality that draws women in, etc.
Instead I'm focused on being a good father for my children, that's the #1 focus in my life and really isn't conducive to attracting a woman. I don't have the free time, free money, or spontaneity that's needed to seduce a woman. I could still find one if I chose to abandon all standards, but I choose not to do that either. I still have standards in what I'm looking for and I owe it to myself to look for a woman who I'm compatible with.
I have friends whose lives are complete wrecks in some ways, but they get tons of ****. Sometimes, I admit, I get a bit jealous of that. But when I think about the people they are with, and the way they treat each other, and the drama in their lives.... I choose not to accept any of that.
In one seinfeld episode George gives up sex and starts becoming real smart. I find that happening in my own life. When I go without, I start developing all sorts of interests, living more healthy in some ways, and being more adventurous. When I have regular sex, I tend to get content but also fat and boring.
Last edited by Jefetio; 02-29-2008 at 12:20 PM..
Reason: fix typo
I was celebate for a long time before I met my husband (about 5 years). It was a personal choice after being in the dating world and realizing alot of guys my age (around 25 at the time) were interested in a lot of Lovin' and nothing else. I met my husband and made the choice to tell him 4 mnths into it- I had no intention of "sealing the deal". We were very serious after 4 months and he never pressured me, I knew at that point he was the one : ) I did the deed after we got engaged after 6 months of dating... WOW 3 years and 2 kids later who knew???
I think you celibacy advocates devote inordinate amounts of time convincing yourself on this board that you're really happy. I don't think that sex is the sine qua non of existence, mind you. It's not even a requirement for a happy life. But it is the natural progression of an emotionally intimate relationship, something that seems to be lacking in your collective lives.
ooooh this person has some charge with the issue and is jumping aboard the mud slinging train!
like a person can't be happy without sex?.....and if they're celibate they are incapable of intimacy? hmmm, sounds like someone has some work to do ahead of them!!!! Have fun with the baggage!!
Regarding healthy intimicay, selectively choosing a partner, with periods of celibacy inbetween, is a further natural progression and more refined form of selective intimacy. "emotionally intimate relationship" is not a static state, it grows and is a living entity. For you to equate celibacy with lack of happiness and inability to do intimacy speaks to a lack of experience over the long term with both life and with personal relationships
also in reading these posts, it makes me wonder (and this could be another thread, so my apologies to the OP if this is going off topic)....
...are women more selective about partners, and thus more willing to choose celibacy rather than just getting it on any-old-where? And are men less likely to choose celibacy because they are willing to lower their standards rather than voluntarily go without? Are women more interested in quality? And are men more interested in avoiding celibacy? hmmmmmm
That's a question folks that came to mind while reading these posts!
ooooh this person has some charge with the issue and is jumping aboard the mud slinging train!
like a person can't be happy without sex?.....and if they're celibate they are incapable of intimacy? hmmm, sounds like someone has some work to do ahead of them!!!! Have fun with the baggage!!
Regarding healthy intimicay, selectively choosing a partner, with periods of celibacy inbetween, is a further natural progression and more refined form of selective intimacy. "emotionally intimate relationship" is not a static state, it grows and is a living entity. For you to equate celibacy with lack of happiness and inability to do intimacy speaks to a lack of experience over the long term with both life and with personal relationships
Sometimes people do what they can to hide the fact that their bodies control them rather then them controlling their bodies, thinking with the wrong head I believe they say. Its hard for them to understand that not everyone has that kind of intellect.
also in reading these posts, it makes me wonder (and this could be another thread, so my apologies to the OP if this is going off topic)....
...are women more selective about partners, and thus more willing to choose celibacy rather than just getting it on any-old-where? And are men less likely to choose celibacy because they are willing to lower their standards rather than voluntarily go without? Are women more interested in quality? And are men more interested in avoiding celibacy? hmmmmmm
That's a question folks that came to mind while reading these posts!
I really think you are on to something here DimSumRaja. I think it really just boils down to men being able to distinguish the difference between sex and emotions. For men, sex has nothing at all to do with emotions or "feelings" for someone - of course this makes things much much better, but it is definately something that is separate for men. For women, they are unable to do so as for them, they need to feel emotionally attracted to their partners in order to do the deed.
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