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It's not like he's a complete stranger. I agree with others who advise you go for a few months to see how you feel.
To me it sounds like you don't trust this person. He was well within his rights to purchase his own apartment without you, since you were unwilling to move.
Engagement means nothing. It's just a few words. Why would you marry a man who you fear will kick you out if things don't go as planned. That's not love. If you don't trust him with your life, you don't need this relationship. Badgering him to marry you to allay your fears will not prove his commitment.
You've been together for a few years. During that time, has there been no discussion about your relationship and what the future holds? Have you primarily been FWB during this time, because it sounds like the relationship is not very deep or involved, based on the fact that you are having these concerns this far in.
You don't need to be engaged or married (depending on the laws in the country you are moving), but the both of you at least need to be on the same page before you take the next step.
I would go. Sounds like if things don't work out, you'd be fine. You'll either move back home or stay there and find your own place since you're self-sufficient. I personally wouldn't move anywhere I didn't have a job lined up or had means to support myself, but it sounds like you're fine on that front.
Years ago, my live-in boyfriend of eight years accepted a job in a different state. He was asking me to uproot my life, quit a well paying job, and move 12 hours away from friends & family. I didn't issue an ultimatum but I did tell him that if I did this, I expected a proposal pretty soon after relocating.
We moved in October, he proposed in February, we married in July. We'll celebrate 10 years of marriage this summer.
So perhaps you don't necessarily need to be engaged or married before you move, but you should definitely be on the same page as far as your expectations of where your relationship is heading and perhaps even a timeline. You've been together for several years, it's not unreasonable to have this conversation.
Do you even know the immigration laws of the country you may go to? Does your boyfriend? That's a whole other story.
I would guess the OP is in Europe where moving to another European country is not a huge deal. Except the UK of course Otherwise, if she has no job in that country and is not married, she can't really move.
My situation: Been with my boyfriend for a few years, he's 32, I'm almost 29, we're currently long distance because his work transferred him to another country, but we have lived together before that for about two years in total.
So, here's the thing- He wants me to move to be with him, which theoretically isn't hard for me (I work selfemployed and I'd actually love to move to that new country), but I'm scared. We're not engaged. And even though I know that being engaged/married doesn't mean the relationship is safe, I kinda don't feel comfortable moving to a different country to live with him, without being engaged at least, especially considering that we have been together for over three years. We have talked about marriage before but he isn't in a rush, he says we will get married one day but doesn't see the point of doing it now.
Also, he has bought an apartment there where we would live (I didn't buy it with him because back then I wasn't sure if I should really move), which scares me a bit as well- Moving to a different country to live in HIS apartment (while he could kick me out whenever) without even being engaged?
I don't know, am I expecting too much? I really wanna be with him but I feel like it's natural that I expect us to be engaged at least for me to move. He doesn't seem to understand my problem.
What do you think? What would you do?
Thanks!
Your reasoning seems hypocritical given the fact that you were living together prior to his moving for employment.
If it doesn't work, you simply move back.
I moved to another country to be with my SO, but then, being married or engaged isn't important to me. If it's important enough for you to draw a line in the sand, then you need to talk to him about it.
I moved to another country to be with my SO too, but we got married within a week of my arrival, AND he had to sign an official statement that he would take financial responsibility for me until I can fully provide for myself.
OP, your guy has everything lined up for him - job, apartment etc. You have nothing. It depends on which country you are moving to, of course, but being in a different country without language, without job, without any kind of security, would put you in a very vulnerable position. I would insist on getting married before taking that step, if I were you.
Edit: sorry, I missed the part where you said you would still be self-employed. But still, it is a pretty risky step to take without any guarantees.
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Otherwise, if she has no job in that country and is not married, she can't really move.
