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Unbelievable. While some members are sure he is playing me (according to the signs), others get upset when I guestion his claims that he wants a relationship.
Yup, Mikelee, you might be right.
Puddytang or not it's ALWAYS wise to have AIDS/STD test BEFORE sex. And I can't believe it is the guy who initiated it and not you!
Good thing you were using protection though, I would assume it is his condom though. What I meant is, he is ALWAYS thinking about safety. Which I can't say the same for you. Who seem to always care about if he is into you rather than your own health.
Puddytang or not it's ALWAYS wise to have AIDS/STD test BEFORE sex. And I can't believe it is the guy who initiated it and not you!
Good thing you were using protection though, I would assume it is his condom though. What I meant is, he is ALWAYS thinking about safety. Which I can't say the same for you. Who seem to always care about if he is into you rather than your own health.
Yes, he initiated it but we were using condoms and he said he was tested recently anyway. Withing the last year, I was in a relationship and I am pretty sure, I am fine. No, I dont get tested every time, I am going to have sex. Only if we decide to be in a relationship and have unprotected sex (in addition to regular testing from time to time).
And here is how this ended:
Me: I hate to do this again and I should have said something when I saw you last time (but I had fun and didn't want to ruin it).
Anyway, this is not working for me. All you seem to be intrested in is having casual sex. I am sorry if that is not the case, but that is what it looks like to me.
Not sure what your idea of "let's see how it goes is" but I am not ok with the way things between us are.
He:
I apologize if you feel that way. Due to your schedule, we typically see each other once per week. I think it is very difficult to build a meaningful connection with someone if that's the case and I think it's part of the reason why you feel this way. I understand if you want to pursue other options. I wish you the best of luck in life and with everything. Hugs.
Me: It is not about pursuing other options. And I understand that seeing each other once a week is a problem and impossible to build something meaningful, but my schedule is/could be flexible. The problem is that I don't really see you want anything more than casual hanging out.
I am not looking for a relationship at this point, but I also don't want FWB arrangement.
Once again you never explicitly told the guy what you wanted other than giving him a vague indication and thinking "he should know" from there. And even when he did communicate more, you were unhappy with how he was doing it... without telling him. Now you are breaking up with him again and telling him it's his fault because you "know" how he really feels even though he told you how he felt.
You are passive aggressive and too hard to please. If he stays with you, the guy is in for a life of jumping through imaginary hoops, never really knowing what he did wrong this time, and always being made to feel like a bad guy for the mistakes he didn't know he was making. You would slowly eat at his self esteem.
I sound mean but I'm not trying to be. LOL
You need to find someone else you are more naturally in tune with and WORK ON YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS.
It really sounds like you don't really know what you want because these bolded statements:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linguist
Anyway, this is not working for me. All you seem to be intrested in is having casual sex. I am sorry if that is not the case, but that is what it looks like to me.
Not sure what your idea of "let's see how it goes is" but I am not ok with the way things between us are.
I am not looking for a relationship at this point, but I also don't want FWB arrangement.
He might, but probably won't reply to this.
contradict each other.
If you don't want casual sex, don't have sex on the third date with someone you see once a week. I think you mishandled this one, but live and learn, I guess.
And here is how this ended:
Me: I hate to do this again and I should have said something when I saw you last time (but I had fun and didn't want to ruin it).
Anyway, this is not working for me. All you seem to be intrested in is having casual sex. I am sorry if that is not the case, but that is what it looks like to me.
Not sure what your idea of "let's see how it goes is" but I am not ok with the way things between us are.
He:
I apologize if you feel that way. Due to your schedule, we typically see each other once per week. I think it is very difficult to build a meaningful connection with someone if that's the case and I think it's part of the reason why you feel this way. I understand if you want to pursue other options. I wish you the best of luck in life and with everything. Hugs.
Me: It is not about pursuing other options. And I understand that seeing each other once a week is a problem and impossible to build something meaningful, but my schedule is/could be flexible. The problem is that I don't really see you want anything more than casual hanging out.
I am not looking for a relationship at this point, but I also don't want FWB arrangement.
He might, but probably won't reply to this.
Yeah, it sounds like he missed the point. And also, for someone who was at least theoretically into you, he gave up awfully easily.
However, in fairness to him, if you'd discussed this with him in person, as such a serious conversation warrants, it might have gone differently. I doubt he would have said, "oh well. Tootles!" I think he wished you a fond farewell because he felt it would be awkward or ineffective to discuss/argue via text, he couldn't read your expression, tone, etc., and decided to try to be gracious about it. But we may never know what he was thinking, or how he's felt about you all this time.
That's the sad part; you may never know how he really felt about you deep down.
Once again you never explicitly told the guy what you wanted other than giving him a vague indication and thinking "he should know" from there. And even when he did communicate more, you were unhappy with how he was doing it... without telling him. Now you are breaking up with him again and telling him it's his fault because you "know" how he really feels even though he told you how he felt.
You are passive aggressive and too hard to please. If he stays with you, the guy is in for a life of jumping through imaginary hoops, never really knowing what he did wrong this time, and always being made to feel like a bad guy for the mistakes he didn't know he was making. You would slowly eat at his self esteem.
I sound mean but I'm not trying to be. LOL
You need to find someone else you are more naturally in tune with and WORK ON YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS.
I couldnt take it anymore. Here is what specifically made me do this. Last Tuesday we went out for dinner. He wanted me to go over to his place at the end of the night but I said no. Wednesday morning he asks when I am free to hang out again. I said Tuesday (like in a week). I went over to his place this Tuesday. Today is Saturday, no plans for hanging out again. He was so quick to set up the next one when he wanted to get sex.
Also, he texted me good night on Thursday night. I replied "good morning" on Friday morning and wished him a great day. He never replied to that. I understand that my good morning was actually reply to his good night text but still... If he was interested, he would be happy to text more and wish me a nice day, too.
I couldnt take it anymore. Here is what specifically made me do this. Last Tuesday we went out for dinner. He wanted me to go over to his place at the end of the night but I said no. Wednesday morning he asks when I am free to hang out again. I said Tuesday (like in a week). I went over to his place this Tuesday. Today is Saturday, no plans for hanging out again. He was so quick to set up the next one when he wanted to get sex.
Also, he texted me good night on Thursday night. I replied "good morning" on Friday morning and wished him a great day. He never replied to that. I understand that my good morning was actually reply to his good night text but still... If he was interested, he would be happy to text more and wish me a nice day, too.
Given this scenario, and it's not the first time you've been through a scenario like this with him, you should sit him down and say, "I'm not getting from your that you're all that into me. I thought when you asked me to give us another chance, that it meant you were interested in exploring the possibility of an LTR. Was I mistaken in that assumption? Where are we with this? It feels to me like we're not on the same page."
That is communication. And communication on an issue so central to a relationship usually, and appropriately, takes place face-to-face.
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