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There's a world of difference between playing golf....vs. poker night at someone's house....vs. staying out until 3am at the bars. And going out with all guys is a lot different than having female coworkers present (but YOU aren't allowed).
Once a week is QUITE often, especially as it sounds like a 6 hour outing that ALSO impinges on the rest of your weekend together since I doubt he's up and about at 8:00 to help you with weekend errands or to enjoy a breakfast with you.
And if this is a REGULAR thing there is absolutely no excuse to cancel out on plans you'd already made together.
No - this is not what I'd call generic "guy" time - this is hit the bars every week with people he sees for more hours than you!
Well I'm assuming you are a young couple and most of his friends are single, so that's how they socialize. But 90% of my friends in this situation bring their girlfriend or wife with them. Why can't you go?
Once a week is QUITE often, especially as it sounds like a 6 hour outing that ALSO impinges on the rest of your weekend together since I doubt he's up and about at 8:00 to help you with weekend errands or to enjoy a breakfast with you.
Why would you want to get up at 8:00 on a weekend? What's so bad about sleeping in, then saying "screw it!" about fixing breakfast, and going out to an IHOP or Denny's? Or if that's too expensive, pre-making the breakfast before you go out the night before? Or just enjoying some peace and quiet in the morning, rather than getting browbeaten over some perceived slight?
Why would you want to get up at 8:00 on a weekend? What's so bad about sleeping in, then saying "screw it!" about fixing breakfast, and going out to an IHOP or Denny's? Or if that's too expensive, pre-making the breakfast before you go out the night before? Or just enjoying some peace and quiet in the morning, rather than getting browbeaten over some perceived slight?
Relationships!
Sure - she can go out and get looped until 3am, sleep in until noon and then they can share drunken debauchery stories over Bloody Marys...sounds exactly like what she wants to do...except, yeah, she'd already be doing that if it was.
BTW, I said nothing about "fixing breakfast" - just concerned overall that he might not be up to eating anything during the typical breakfast hours when SHE might be hungry. Alcohol can mess with your inner clock that way.
Well I'm assuming you are a young couple and most of his friends are single, so that's how they socialize. But 90% of my friends in this situation bring their girlfriend or wife with them. Why can't you go?
That was another thing. He usually wouldn't invite me. Last night he did invite me but I was already in my pjs. Pretty sure he knew I was going to say no anyways. So he did just start a new job though so he doesn't see these "coworkers" anymore. He now only works with one guy so he said he misses socializing which I guess I understand.
Or, and here's a thought: Perhaps you could decide at the last minute when he thinks you two have Saturday night plans that you want to go "hang" with your girlfriends instead. And then stay out later than you told him you would be home. And see how he reacts.
Childish, I know. But sometimes, you have to resort to stuff like that to make a man understand.
Like I said, it's just a thought. You've already discussed with him enough times that he should have already become more considerate of your feelings.
And to the poster who said "men need weekend night(s) with the friends to not have to listen to someone asking us "how we feel" or other drivel", perhaps if that's how your husband feels then perhaps he just wasn't ready to be married. Sorry to sound so inflexible, but I frankly feel that your husband is going out too much without you, and he's already spent all week with his co-workers to then spend more time with them in a bar where his behavior could very well lead to something you might be very unhappy about if you knew. Sure, you should each have your own friends and separate interests as well as the time you spend together. But his first priority should now be to you as his wife. It's not about trust as much as it is consideration. Just my opinion.
Yea I thought of that too. I always feel like I need to get "revenge" for him to understand how I feel. Well last night I locked him out of our bedroom and think it may have worked. He said he misses his friend time because he started anew job recently. He now just works w one person so I get it. But he still needs to improve the communication part.
Sure - she can go out and get looped until 3am, sleep in until noon and then they can share drunken debauchery stories over Bloody Marys...sounds exactly like what she wants to do...except, yeah, she'd already be doing that if it was.
BTW, I said nothing about "fixing breakfast" - just concerned overall that he might not be up to eating anything during the typical breakfast hours when SHE might be hungry. Alcohol can mess with your inner clock that way.
Meh. (Is there an emoticon for apathy?) And you know, your description of sharing stories doesn't sound too bad. But it's a pipe dream in most marriages/LTRs. And "fixing breakfast" was a reference to errands: it's the first errand/chore most couples do on weekends.
Either way, I had very little control over my life while growing up, and now I have a boss at work. I don't want a boss at home too. If I'll be reporting to a boss at home, I want a salary, insurance, PTO, and free strong coffee in the break room (my man cave).
Guess it is not technically guys night. It is his coworkers. Most are guys but there are a few girls. But it's the guys that invite him to go.
You know what, why don't you tell you husband you want to tag along. If he gives you a hard time, it's either because he might be hooking up with that chick, or they all go to a strip club.
It seems like if it were the other way around and the OP were a husband who doesn't want to go out to bars every weekend but his wife went without him anyway...he'd be getting some sympathy. Someone might even question why he would get married to a woman who's still acting like shes single every week. Yet when it's the women she's a nag and probably is bothering him and ruining his good time by letting him know she feels left out. If it were me I'd feel bad leaving my new husband to sit at home.
Anyway OP: Find a friend at work to go out to dinner with, or see a concert, or whatever you think would be fun. Meet your neighbors, take a class. Don't be something negative at home for him to get away from, find your own interests, gain some new experiences to talk about, and that in turns make you more interesting too!
That was another thing. He usually wouldn't invite me. Last night he did invite me but I was already in my pjs. Pretty sure he knew I was going to say no anyways. So he did just start a new job though so he doesn't see these "coworkers" anymore. He now only works with one guy so he said he misses socializing which I guess I understand.
He should offer regularly granted especially as you've mentioned that your friends are not local but at times I prefer a night out without my SO as I feel outside interests are beneficial but of course she would come first
I've been in his shoes before and lived that lifestyle the same actually and come home at stupid o clock, when single I would be out most nights and in a relationship I would obviously compromise and usually either Friday or Saturday was our night to go out with our respective friends but of course this was agreed and talked about first.
Communication is key
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