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Ah, but it's not "just a piece of paper" when it comes to the possible practical benefits for us.
In terms of commitment and the nature of our relationship, yeah, it's not really something that is necessary or that either one of us really feels the need for. Which I only brought up because there seems to be an idea floating around that somehow there is a force external to the relationship that makes the union more sacrosanct if there is marriage involved. That, for whatever reason, the rules are that things change when there is a legal document involved. While I certainly respect that others feel that this is true in their own relationships, it's really not a universal truth.
But things do change.
The idea that there is a harsher penalty for ending the relationship does in fact subconsciously change the way people approach the relationship - the "personal" commitment as opposed to "just" the moral or legal or even religious ones.
What would these expressed rules for married couples be? I've been married almost 30 years & have never heard of expressed rules. We have agreements between us, for us, that vary greatly from one married couple to another. I don't think it's fair to assume that there are some sort of "expressed rules" or frankly, even implied rules. What's ok for my DH & me, may be unthinkable to you & vice versa. That's why communication of expectations is key!
Let's not get caught up in semantics. "Stated expectations" = "expressed rules." Every couple sets boundaries for conduct they deem important and expected (and, if they're at all competent at interpersonal communication, openly discusses them, versus just internally sets them and expects them to just be known). Whether or not you label them "rules" isn't really the point.
If I have an anniversary for how long I've been at my job, I would certainly have an anniversary for how long I've been with my parter, married, cohabiting, or not. Do I think it's silly if 15-year olds make a big fuss over their "two week anniversary of going out?" Of course. But, not really the point.
Location: Sodo Sopa at The Villas above Kenny' s House.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
Anything that happens can have an anniversary.
I get that but c'mon. What day is the anniversary? The day they met? Their first kiss? When they became exclusive?
Yes technically you can, but it sounds crazy when couples do that and I've rarely heard of it in people past 20. It's like the 17 yr old girl who has a fit that her bf would go to football practice on their 36 week anniversary. It's not a rule but an opinion. The point is the op is using it as an example of why she was in the wrong. Thinking it adds to his case when many just roll their eyes harder.
Curiosity is getting me. If they do marry, are there 2 anniversaries to remember or does the first one get ditched?
The idea that there is a harsher penalty for ending the relationship does in fact subconsciously change the way people approach the relationship - the "personal" commitment as opposed to "just" the moral or legal or even religious ones.
Ok, guess I should reconsider my idea of commitment then, if a piece of paper really has all this power.
Maybe so
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