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Last night was our 2 year anniversary with my gf (not married, haven't proposed) but she was in Miami for a work conference.
Last night they had a big dinner and were celebrating that the conference had gone well. At about 11pm I texted 'enjoy the rest of the night xo', she replied 'goodnight xo xo'. I wasn't thinking much about it but I was hoping she'd say something like 'We're gonna stick around for an hour or so and then I'll go to bed' something along those lines... but she didn't so 20 mins later I sent her another text: 'Still celebrating?'. She was and then she told me she was headed to South Beach with her team.
She said their head lawyer wanted to go to a party and Andrea wanted to go but not alone (I don't know neither Andrea nor the Lawyer) so she agreed to tag along in case he abandons her and she has no one to talk to. They made a promise they'd be back by 1:30 am.
At that point I felt a bit upset. 'It's our anniversary night and you are partying by yourself in South Beach. To be honest I would have liked for you to tell me this was your plan earlier in the day' I said.
Turns out not 10 minutes had past after I had said good night when she was invited to that party. If I hadnt messaged her again I wouldn't have found out until this morning, or maybe she just wouldn't have told me. That's one thing that is really bothering me right now.
Another thing is, when you're in a serious relationship you dont go to an impromptu party at midnight without consulting your partner, and if your partner happens to be in bed -mind you it's also our anniversary, I'd think the decent and considerate thing to do is to politely decline the invite and call it a night. That's what I would have done.
I said this to her last night but she became a little defensive. She said if it would have been a social event she would have called it a night, but because it was a work event, it was smart to go because of the networking opportunities or what not. Initially she had said she was tagging along because Andrea didn't wanna go alone, now she's saying it's because it was a good work party to go to.
I said those were all excuses and I told her to have fun. She said 'Fine, good night. See you tomorrow'. She's coming back tonight and we were supposed to spend the night together as we normally do but I was so upset I told her that I didn't wanna see her and to stop texting me because I had to get some sleep.
Today went by without hearing from her until just now. she sent me a text message saying she is heading back home and that from my message last night she assumes tonights plans are off. she also says she hopes Im having a good day. I replied 'Yeah, have a good flight' and that's where we are at.
I think she was disrespectful and inconsiderate and I expect an apology and I'm not going to initiate contact until I get one, but of course here I am wondering if I'm overreacting? was it so bad what she did? I mean for all I know there was no Andrea, maybe it was just her and the lawyer, who knows? but I dont even wanna go there...
It's not as if you were sitting at a restaurant by yourself waiting for her and she ghosted on you. You weren't even in the same city. She was on a work trip, and she was taking advantage of a social opportunity at the same time. Many times when you travel with coworkers, you all stick together. It doesn't matter if it's your anniversary, and she doesn't require your permission. If you expected her to never do anything without you or your permission, even at a work event, that expectation should have been discussed previously.
You sound controlling. What would you have preferred she do, just go back to her hotel room and have an early night? You're not having fun, so neither can she? You sound like you wanted her to ask for your permission to attend a party. That's not really cool in my books.
Sometimes you just can't celebrate anniversaries on the day of. Life happens. Just celebrate it with her when she gets back from Miami. I really don't see what your issue is.
I would have liked her to tell me, that's all. I didn't say don't go, but if it was me and someone invites me to a party at 12am after I've said goodnight to my gf, I'm not gonna go.
I would have liked her to tell me, that's all. I didn't say don't go, but if it was me and someone invites me to a party at 12am after I've said goodnight to my gf, I'm not gonna go.
Okay, that's you. But she is a different person who doesn't consider it indecent to go out after midnight. That doesn't make her wrong.
She was out of town at a work conference. She couldn't get together to do something with you on your anniversary, anyway. It's not like she opted to go party with friends over celebrating with you. Celebrating with you wasn't an option (unless you'd come on the work trip, too, was that not an option?).
Your issue seems to be that she shouldn't do things late at night if you're not there.
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