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A big no? Perhaps I need more encouragement or a big wake up call/slap me in the face.
A few months ago, I built up the courage to finally approach a guy at the gym. I would never approach a guy unless I thought he was interested. I only approached him because I thought guys were too afraid to approach women at the gym, and this one gave me all the signals (except approaching me directly). No matter what corner I was at, he always looked at me; everytime I walked into the room, he would pause and look at me like the world had stopped; everytime I left the room, he would follow me minutes later, and he would come near me when it made no sense to even be there. So months of this went by and I finally approached him. To my disappointment, he told me he was seeing someone. Even though I was very disappointed, I didn't take that rejection as personally, because it was because he wasn't available, and not necessarily because he didn't like me. At least that's what I told myself.
I tried going back to the gym and be cool about it. We even talked in person and I said hello to him like nothing ever affected me. Then I started "hating" him because I felt deceived like he had led me on. Not only that but I didn't like that he did all those things towards me when he had a girlfriend, and even continued to silently flirt with me after he told me he had a GF. They were red flags for me. So, I avoided going to the gym for over a month around his time. And when I saw him again, I didn't go out of my way to say hello to him, nor did I go out of my way to avoid him either. I just acted like nothing ever happened.
So just recently I learned that he and his GF broke up, but he doesn't know that I know this. I felt a little rejected again because if he's not with her anymore, he hasn't even taken the opportunity to contact me. Instead, he stopped going to the gym as soon as I came back, and when I said hello to him the last time we saw each other, he gave me the most unenthusiastic hello back. I don't know what happened because he's never acted that cold towards me before. Keep in mind that he's been going to this gym for almost 20 years, so this would be very odd for him to break his habits all of a sudden.
My friends tell me that I should contact him, but a big part of me doesn't want to because if he rejects me again, I'll lose any dignity I have left. I feel like if he really liked me, he would've contacted me after he broke up with her. Should I contact him again or let this go? Yes, I am very attracted to him and it's rare for me to find anyone that I'm that attracted to. At the same time, I know I deserve someone who's really into me and will not let me do all the work. Besides, I keep reading what a turnoff it is for women to approach men (especially if done the second time).
It's sad these days how some women have to appear so desperate to the point of 'pursuing' a guy who sort-of-kind-of misled her (silent flirting, somewhat). He seems immature, and obviously has wandering eyes for someone claiming to be in a relationship.
But hey, you gotta take it while you can get it, huh?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
I actually think dude has been very clear he isn't interested post breakup with his ex. Don't be the one who is thirsty and desperate for someone who clearly doesn't want you.
His actions or lack of them probably have nothing to do with you.
Let it go and if he decides he is open to getting back into the market....AND is at all interested in you, he'll let you know.
For now, forget it.
If you let this go you're going to carry around this psychological "what if" scenario in your head your entire life. If you have such strong feelings, confront him and see where it goes. Then you have closure, and closure is a good thing to have. The wondering part is probably worse as it can linger a long time.
Is what you have more of a crush? How much do you really know about this person versus how much you made up in your mind as a fantasy and fell in love with the fantasy? I don't trust my "crushes" anymore because it's simply not an accurate representation of what a person really is to have feelings based on how they look. Getting past the "hot and flustered" phase of the relationship to the point where you can develop a more long term friendship where you truly understand one another should be the goal.
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