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I've witnessed some very happy relationships. I get why people would want that for themselves. But the people in those relationships are inevitably people who are mature, well-rounded individuals who know what matters in life. I would describe myself as a mature, well-rounded person, but I will acknowledge that a lot of damage was done in my childhood. As a result, I'm not geared for a relationship, imo.
After years of depression and low self esteem, I'm happier than I ever expected to be, but there's no part of me that wants to share my life with an intimate partner. It's just not in how I'm wired as an adult, and I don't long for it. My energies have gone into my friendships and (lately) my more nontoxic family relationships. I'm in therapy, but that's not really something I'm looking to work on. Maybe that will change in the future, but for now I'm good with my current situation. It's me, my books, my dog and a bunch of friends and activities I can barely keep up with, plus an occasional lover. I've got pretty much my perfect life, plus a decent escape plan if everything should go pear-shaped.
But I get why someone would be scared of being single for the rest of their life. We're groomed to see being part of a committed couple as the ultimate achievement pretty much from birth. Hardcore religious folks center their lives around that idea. And some people really do prioritize it because it's in their nature, while others have just drunk the Kool-Aid (My dad is a perfect example of this - he thought he "should" be married so he did it... three times.). There's something sad about your friend, OP, but her viewpoint isn't completely unnatural.
People have different paths in life.. Some people get married and are happy, some people don't want the hassle of being in a relationships so they stay single. People make being alone some sort of failing without realizing relationships can suck as well. Let them live their lives however they see fit even if you think it's weird.
Even though I don't particularly like dating, I still have fantasies about falling in love with someone. Maybe that's just because I never have before and it seems like it'd be nice. But although the fantasy is nice, I don't feel like I need to be in a relationship and I'm ok with being alone.
Even though I don't particularly like dating, I still have fantasies about falling in love with someone. Maybe that's just because I never have before and it seems like it'd be nice. But although the fantasy is nice, I don't feel like I need to be in a relationship and I'm ok with being alone.
The thing with relationships is that while we may feel happier "in love", some of our deepest hurts could come from being in a relationship with the one we love. There are plenty of risks involved in relationships. One has to decide if it is worth it to them.
The thing with relationships is that while we may feel happier "in love", some of our deepest hurts could come from being in a relationship with the one we love. There are plenty of risks involved in relationships. One has to decide if it is worth it to them.
Basically.
One is not weak or cowardly for deciding the risks are not worth it.
Nor is one naive or idiotic for deciding the risks are worth it.
Your romantic partner getting taken away from you by death.
Or any form of intense heartbreak. Especially with long term relationships
And to add, you can always expect risks when dealing with another person because: They screw up, are likely to change, and usually require different things than yourself.
So said one of my Twitter buddies when I remarked on the speed with which she launched herself back into the dating game after a particularly nasty breakup.
Now, forgive me if I appear thicker than a whale omelette here, but I can't fathom why a solitary existence is seen as a failing. I've chosen it because I can't imagine being in the world any other way. The adjustments required by any sort of romantic coupling would knock planet Scribbles out of its orbit and send its lone inhabitant spiralling into a black hole of confusion and bewilderment for all eternity.
I don't mean to suggest life for one is entirely without difficulties. I'm only human (or almost) and I get lonely at times, but never to the point where I'd consider becoming part of a couple. That's too drastic and permanent a solution to a temporary problem, and I stand to lose more from its failure (mentally, emotionally and financially) than I'd gain from its success.
I realize I'm in the minority on this, and I hope a few of you can help me understand why some people's happiness and sense of identity or being an adult depends so much on finding someone else to settle down, grow old and wander off into the sunset with. For me it's about as palatable as Metallica cutting their hair and trying to keep up with the alternative scene during the 90s. I'd feel like a sellout if I even contemplated it, and I most certainly would NOT respect myself in the morning.
I firmly believe that the family unit is supposed to be a man and woman with children. I think it's designed to be that way and obviously pointed out by our biology. Like two pieces of the puzzle, they fit. Men are designed to work, protect, and provide. We can be work 7 days a week. Women are designed for more of a caregiver role. It benefits a family if things are done this way.
But our society has abandoned this idea. Any mention of this thinking is seen as outdated. Men are labeled sexist or misogynist. So the women today aren't worth having a solid relationship with anymore IMO.
They are only good for one thing. Play, have fun and move onto the next.. and if you're a man, make sure you wrap it up so you don't have the child support payments that come with it.
It's MUCH better in our society now for a man to be alone. IMO, it's a measure of their strength to not bow to the demands of the women now in our society.
IF the women want to be alone, then go let them, but make sure any government support is not paying for their services.
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