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Your romantic partner getting taken away from you by death.
Or any form of intense heartbreak. Especially with long term relationships
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea
And to add, you can always expect risks when dealing with another person because: They screw up, are likely to change, and usually require different things than yourself.
Its like you guys are comparing a relationship to open-heart or brain surgery
Being in a loving relationship is something everyone should at least experience once in their life. Yes, no matter what happens, even in a loving relationship, it will eventually end in tears; that's a given. And yes, people change/hearts change - thats just part of life.
I'm a true believer in that saying "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
If you're scared of heartbreak, then indeed, stay single. Personally, heartbreak is a minuscule price to pay to have share/experience loving memories with someone. Heartbreak, like a broken leg - the intense pain is temporary. Loving memories on the other hand, you will cherish for a lifetime.
Its like you guys are comparing a relationship to open-heart or brain surgery
Being in a loving relationship is something everyone should at least experience once in their life. Yes, no matter what happens, even in a loving relationship, it will eventually end in tears; that's a given. And yes, people change/hearts change - thats just part of life.
I'm a true believer in that saying "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
If you're scared of heartbreak, then indeed, stay single. Personally, heartbreak is a minuscule price to pay to have share/experience loving memories with someone. Heartbreak, like a broken leg - the intense pain is temporary. Loving memories on the other hand, you will cherish for a lifetime.
Umm... That was not the point I was making. In fact, I'm pretty sure I was saying that good relationships are very awesome to have. But you can't deny the risks. Even Brad Pitt or whatever hot stud celebrity is not immune.
That's the thing with a lot of people. They look at tragedies and think; well it'll never happen to me. but it does. My whole point I was making was you have to make sure you can handle the bad along with the good. For better, or worse. I'm not gonna go into any relationship thinking that all is gonna be happy non-stop with birds singing, candles talking, and dusters flirting. When I'm in a relationship, we'll have problems, and we'll hopefully work through them. That's reality.
And besides, some people will make you feel like you had open heart or brain surgery. Believe me.
Of course. Life would be boring if everyone were, but so many people make the same mistakes (or similar) over and over again as they look for the same thing. Then they talk to me on the phone about it for *hours* 'because you can be objective.' If by objective they mean clueless, then yes I suppose I am.
I wish someone would explain to me why they want what they say they want and are prepared to be let down, lied to and disappointed in their search. The only answers I've found so far are along the lines of 'just because', which doesn't help me understand at all.
You know...to me, it's kind of like a rat in a maze, going for the goal, or the food at the end of the maze. A SMART rat figures out the maze after the first or second try. Others...they keep bumping into the same barriers and dead ends over and over again, but still, they persevere.
I know for me, when I was younger, I was like your friend. Got into some unpleasant situations, learned some hard lessons, and decided that it truly WAS better to be alone, than to be with the wrong person. Keep in mind though...I still wanted to share my life with someone...but didn't want to waste time with people who put up a bunch of red flags. (I used to ignore those red flags...trying to be tolerant, trying to be understanding, or...just not wanting to be alone.)
It was within a couple of months of me coming to the realization that it was better to be alone than with the wrong person...that I met my husband. We've been married for 15 years now. He's the match for ME. Life is good.
Relationships are good, but they are not for the immature, insecure, or faint at heart. One bad reason to get into a relationship is that you're afraid to be alone. You'll set yourself up to be attacked by werewolves. You could go for the vampire too, but he'll suck the life out of you.
Before you know it, you'll be old. And your only options is a talking raccoon or it's pet plant.
Relationships are good, but they are not for the immature, insecure, or faint at heart. One bad reason to get into a relationship is that you're afraid to be alone. You'll set yourself up to be attacked by werewolves. You could go for the vampire too, but he'll suck the life out of you.
Before you know it, you'll be old. And your only options is a talking raccoon or it's pet plant.
So said one of my Twitter buddies when I remarked on the speed with which she launched herself back into the dating game after a particularly nasty breakup.
Now, forgive me if I appear thicker than a whale omelette here, but I can't fathom why a solitary existence is seen as a failing. I've chosen it because I can't imagine being in the world any other way. The adjustments required by any sort of romantic coupling would knock planet Scribbles out of its orbit and send its lone inhabitant spiralling into a black hole of confusion and bewilderment for all eternity.
I don't mean to suggest life for one is entirely without difficulties. I'm only human (or almost) and I get lonely at times, but never to the point where I'd consider becoming part of a couple. That's too drastic and permanent a solution to a temporary problem, and I stand to lose more from its failure (mentally, emotionally and financially) than I'd gain from its success.
I realise I'm in the minority on this, and I hope a few of you can help me understand why some people's happiness and sense of identity or being an adult depends so much on finding someone else to settle down, grow old and wander off into the sunset with. For me it's about as palatable as Metallica cutting their hair and trying to keep up with the alternative scene during the 90s. I'd feel like a sellout if I even contemplated it, and I most certainly would NOT respect myself in the morning.
My personal opinion: one is not a failure because they can't attract a mate. One IS a biological failure if they don't reproduce.
Our primary job as living beings is to reproduce and pass on our genes.
How is it not? Most people are social creatures. They do best surrounded by other people and having strong personal relationships.
It sounds like "most" is meant here as practically all. Actually, there are plenty of content singles. I know quite a few. They get the amount of social interaction they want at work, with friends, and in their daily routine. We can't make any blanket statements about them having a deeper loneliness. Unless individuals' consistent behavior tells a different story, I prefer to let those individuals speak for themselves. Even if their behavior does contradict their words, that wouldn't give me license to browbeat them toward marriage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck
How does one stop attracting the guys that are unwilling to commit to them? And when do you know the right time to cut them loose, but not to soon that you do not allow the relationship to progress on a normal time frame?
Commitment is something that develops if people's experience with the relationship leads them to want to commit. It can't be assumed, predicted, or negotiated up front.
My personal opinion: one is not a failure because they can't attract a mate. One IS a biological failure if they don't reproduce.
Our primary job as living beings is to reproduce and pass on our genes.
We have many more dimensions than the biological, and circumstances can easily make those other dimensions the primary influencer of our decision about procreation. Whether that decision fails the biological imperative might not be the most relevant concern.
It sounds like "most" is meant here as practically all. Actually, there are plenty of content singles. I know quite a few. They get the amount of social interaction they want at work, with friends, and in their daily routine. We can't make any blanket statements about them having a deeper loneliness. Unless individuals' consistent behavior tells a different story, I prefer to let those individuals speak for themselves. Even if their behavior does contradict their words, that wouldn't give me license to browbeat them toward marriage.
Commitment is something that develops if people's experience with the relationship leads them to want to commit. It can't be assumed, predicted, or negotiated up front.
Right but they are still participating in strong social relationships. I find I do not have true "best friends" in my personal life, I am friendly and talk to people, but I do not get invited to hangout or participate, nor can I talk to people at work. I do best having a man and relationship to fulfill my socializing needs.
So what is the amount of time that should be given to allow someone to decide to commit? I am 38 years old and only want marriage. I only want to date for the purpose of finding a husband. I waited 7 years with two. Others that were honest with their feelings, or showed me clear signs they were not into marrying me, allowed me to end the relationship promptly. The ones I get stuck on our the ones that say they want marriage but I need to give it more time. So I give them time. What they really mean is they are comfortable with the relationship as it is, willing to hang out until they find someone else, but just saying they want marriage to appease me. Next thing I know we break up and I wasted a bunch more time.
Yes, no matter what happens, even in a loving relationship, it will eventually end in tears; that's a given.
That is exactly what I'm not prepared to put myself through. Why should I invest my time, mind, heart and soul in something that will just go spectacularly belly up and leave me wishing I was dead?
I'm a firm believer that the more of yourself you share with someone, the more power you give them to hurt you. I'd rather not be on the receiving end, or find myself in a position where I can behave that way towards someone else.
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