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That was a great article! So many statements that resonated. I particularly liked: "if there is a fundamental problem with dating apps that burns people out and keeps them from connecting, it must be found somewhere in the selection process."
I think back to my very first boyfriend, which maybe isn't the best example, but bear with me. It was just before my 16th birthday and I'd found out from a friend, who was dating a friend of his, that he liked me. I went out with him because he was interested and i didnt find him repulsive. That was all it took.
I wasn't worried about type, because I didn't have one. I didn't have a list of physical attributes he must possess, nor was i worried about income or status. He didn't own a car, he drove his parents station wagon when they were willing to let him use it. It was enough that he liked me, was kind and we had fun together.
Sure, dating as an adult requires more than what i expected as a teenager, but overall, it isnt really that different as a teen versus an adult, to want to date someone who likes you, is kind and you have fun together.
I think its too easy to dismiss great numbers of people on dating apps because they are just a photo that you can blindly swipe right on by. And as this, and other articles state, you think you have numerous options simply based on volume of people on that dating app, nevermind most you wont be compatible with, but it looks like you have an abundance of choice.
I think its easier to give someone a chance when you meet them in person, but how will you get to that stage if your perception is that no one is meeting your criteria and standards as you swipe past likely many great and compatible people while looking for that needle in a haystack?
I found the article entertaining, only because I'm interested in people and why they behave the way they do. I didn't relate to it that well though.
I don't find dating difficult, I don't find meeting people difficult, I don't find choosing one difficult.
Maybe it's the younger generation, or maybe people who don't know 'how' to date or what to do with somebody once they find their "match".
Someone should come up with a dating app that uses Skype or sound so you can get an idea of the way a person talks or their mannerisms when you view their profile.
I still find it a fun challenge, but I don't feel there's anything wrong with being single, either.
I found the article entertaining, only because I'm interested in people and why they behave the way they do. I didn't relate to it that well though.
I don't find dating difficult, I don't find meeting people difficult, I don't find choosing one difficult.
Maybe it's the younger generation, or maybe people who don't know 'how' to date or what to do with somebody once they find their "match".
Someone should come up with a dating app that uses Skype or sound so you can get an idea of the way a person talks or their mannerisms when you view their profile.
I still find it a fun challenge, but I don't feel there's anything wrong with being single, either.
I liked the author's theory that apps make it LESS tempting for people to try the higher-risk methods of meeting people.
Why go through the risk of asking someone in person when you can "just" use an app?
And your point of not knowing how to date etc is certainly applicable.
The scenario that one girl mentioned in the article where she'll be totally hitting it off with a guy in person and it gets to the point where numbers should get exchanged...and nothing?
My life. hardly happens anymore but now if it does, I will just write my number on his dang forehead.
I liked the author's theory that apps make it LESS tempting for people to try the higher-risk methods of meeting people.
Why go through the risk of asking someone in person when you can "just" use an app?
And your point of not knowing how to date etc is certainly applicable.
Yeah I thought that was funny too. Talking to somebody in person, and then saying "ok, well...see you later" and going home and looking for somebody to meet on an app ---when the opportunity had already presented itself! People are strange. They MAKE things so difficult, and yet call it efficient.
There's nothing wrong with having a connection the good ol fashion way. Technology is so impersonal. Develop some charm , practice and sweep that woman off her feet.
I prefer to meet ladies in real life. There's too many frauds on dating sites and apps. Like when it says that she's 5 miles away, and her location is UC Davis (which is 3 hours away from me). I even put the settings to search only within 10 miles from my zipcode.
It must be for a different generation than my own and I am not old. It feels like prostitution and once I hear from and am turned off by so many men I find unappealing, I am done. It is too much work and another poster said lazy, but if you have a life and hobbies, there is not enough time in the day to talk to a bunch of people for hours determining if you can stomach them. My last straw was a man who used another's picture, a famous person I was not familiar with. Thankfully I noticed he profile said bald, and questioned why, he sent me 12 page emails for a week about his current divorces and what a b... his soon to be ex wife was. I pulled the plug and will never re enter online dating. Warming up to strangers is not my thing.
I've come across unappealing men in-person and online. There's just unappealing people no matter where you meet them. Dating sites and apps are tools. I never used the apps, and they wouldn't have interested me at all, but if they work for others, great. They're just tools. People can still meet in-person through various means if they so wish.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
I found the article entertaining, only because I'm interested in people and why they behave the way they do. I didn't relate to it that well though.
I don't find dating difficult, I don't find meeting people difficult, I don't find choosing one difficult.
Maybe it's the younger generation, or maybe people who don't know 'how' to date or what to do with somebody once they find their "match".
Someone should come up with a dating app that uses Skype or sound so you can get an idea of the way a person talks or their mannerisms when you view their profile.
I still find it a fun challenge, but I don't feel there's anything wrong with being single, either.
I agree. Though apps wouldn't do it for me. There's not enough to screen/filter. There's no "meat" to assess baseline compatibility. I like actual profiles, longer and more detailed, the better. Apps aren't designed that way, and that's fine for the demographic that's into them. Bars, clubs, college, church, activity groups, work, friends, etc., works for others. Just not me.
I was on one site way back that actually had the option to include a video and/or voice recording, which I did, and it was cool. My OKC profile was more "interactive," as some said, and there for a time I included one of those dialect/accent recordings. There are ways to create profiles that better represent the actual individual.
I Skyped with my husband two days after we met on OKC. We did so every night.
Just about any dating medium will have its share of challenges. Back in the day, many couples met in high school or college, or within their immediate social circle. That isn't exactly the case in today's culture in many areas of society. People also move away from home, travel, move for work, etc., more than they have in the past. Some people are putting off marriage until later in life, and others are forgoing it entirely. These life choices affect the social and dating culture. Some are choosing to settle down later, and they're more selective of who they choose to settle down with.
And, some people just don't know what they want, or know themselves well enough to know what kind of partner they are, will be, or want. What kind of relationship dynamic is best suited for them. Things like compatibility. It means something different to different people, and it's up to each individual to decide what that is for them.
The problem is there is too much dating period. The American culture is constantly shopping for goods and that includes the people they date, all they are is a commodity . I am a 1st generation American but the morals I was taught don't fit with American men at all. There is a lack of depth here and a need to live up to some unattainable standard.
Yeah I thought that was funny too. Talking to somebody in person, and then saying "ok, well...see you later" and going home and looking for somebody to meet on an app ---when the opportunity had already presented itself! People are strange. They MAKE things so difficult, and yet call it efficient.
Except, there's a different dynamic in these two situations. I'd know more about the random somebody in the app, enough to decide if there's genuine interest, than the dude who hits me up at the local coffee shop. Sure, I could assess his attractiveness, but virtually nothing else, and that never interested me. As an introvert, I loathe small talk, especially small talk in this context. I also like efficiency because it saves time and energy. I had neither the time or energy to go out on x amount of dates with people I knew next to nothing about from the start, where I'd have to awkwardly bring up meaty issues just to see if I'm actually interested. If I could know what I need to know from the start, that's much better.
I know some think questions like "Is the Earth bigger than the sun?" are silly questions that aren't relevant to dating, and that may be the case for them, but it absolutely mattered to me. OKC was brilliant in that regard. If there are deal-breaker issues that would prove a lot of first meets are non-starters (CFBC in areas where settling down and having families early is prevalent), then meeting online is more efficient. I mean, we have these very threads on a regular basis. Banking on meeting compatible matches out in the wild because "that's how it was back in my day" misses the point that people have different criteria, personalities, preferences, and other factors going on.
My husband tells stories of coming across a lot of flat earthers and science deniers in the area he lived before moving back to the city. Absolute deal-breaker. He's even joked about going on a few dates where the date brought up crystal healing. It wasn't until later dates that it came out. That was no-go, too. That area was a challenge even online. There are many things I liked to know from the get-go to avoid wasting my and their time. I wasn't looking for just anybody. I was looking for a specific type, a compatible fit, determined by me.
Others have their own way of dating and do what works for them.
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