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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Did you give her a couple of days to come back with another time to meet up?
Sure didn't sound like it. If someone isn't feeling well, or is too tired to meet, and asks to reschedule, I'm not going to be a Richard and make her, or expect her, to suggest another date and time on the spot or tell her off. The simple solution, and the polite one is, "Sure, we can reschedule. Let me know what might work for you." and leave it in her court and move on. Simple. Polite.
She did just this. She said she was too tired and asked if we could reschedule, and he pushed.
Sure that happens, but most of us are adults, maybe you are in your teens and that affects your thinking on this, I don't know. Adults should be able to say what they mean and mean what they say.
Finding someone is easy these days, but putting up with BS like this woman in the op story is not lol
I'm likely older than you and have been successful in both dating and in my marriage. Are you? And I'll be the first to tell you that terms such as "putting up with BS" is a sign of a really rigid person. To be sure, there are lines to draw in the sand. But someone deciding that she wasn't feeling up to a date after a day at work isn't one of them.
I mean, "I'm tired and don't feel like driving" isn't exactly subtle. Well, it isn't to anyone with decent social antennae.
She's not borrowing money from the bank and coming up short with a payment. She made plans to go out and, push came to shove, she simply wasn't feeling up to it. Are you telling me that you've never had second thoughts about your plans for an evening after a long, hard day at work?
Basically every single time I have social plans (not just dates). I'm fairly introverted, and almost always have to force myself to put one foot in front of the other to follow through, because it's exhausting most of the time. Actually, I've bowed out of an acquaintance's wedding this weekend for exactly this reason. I had intended to go, but I have a three week old infant at home and a three week old caesarean section that's healing, and the prospect is just too exhausting. But I did let her know that weeks ago. Because bailing at the last minute is super rude.
But, generally, no major extenuating circumstances (like abdominal surgery), if I've committed, I show. Because that's how to be socially appropriate, it's polite, and it's good manners. Will I stay out all night if I'm beat? No, unless I get out and get a second wind. I'll excuse myself after making a polite showing. If I'm cancelling, I do so well in advance and, you know, let the person know I'm cancelling, vs. wait for them to contact me and say, "So, you're coming, right?" And if I really DON'T wanna go, I don't make plans to go in the first place (which is what I strongly suspect happened here...she likely agreed halfheartedly to a date she didn't have any real intention of following through on. Whoever said that the disinterested "What time were we meeting again?" was a big clue that she really wasn't into getting together was spot on.
Bailing at the last minute is really just bad manners.
I'm likely older than you and have been successful in both dating and in my marriage. Are you? And I'll be the first to tell you that terms such as "putting up with BS" is a sign of a really rigid person. To be sure, there are lines to draw in the sand. But someone deciding that she wasn't feeling up to a date after a day at work isn't one of them.
I mean, "I'm tired and don't feel like driving" isn't exactly subtle. Well, it isn't to anyone with decent social antennae.
I'm 50 and very happy in a relationship but thanks for your concern for my well being haha
Why do you choose to ignore that she should be an adult and say what she means?
After she said she was too tired to drive she agreed to let him drive. You forget that part, that takes anything "obvious" out of the equation.
Maybe people with decent social skills pick up on things that people with antennae don't (is that like gaydar?)?
So according to the original poster they both work. And they had both worked a lot leading up to the date, so much so that they were both very tired.
Yet, they schedule a first date for 9.30pm on a week night? Lol who does that?
I have never heard of anyone doing that in my life. Friday, Saturday obviously much different.
My first date with my now husband was on a Wednesday night. I worked late, and met him right after work. Follwing that date, we also went out on Thursday. And Friday.
Agreed. I made a similar thread years ago when a guy pulled similar crap (made plans, then poof, nowhere to be heard from night of until I texted him asking what was up), posted about it, and everyone agreed that it was a brushoff.
Bowing out at the 11th hour is poor etiquette. And not even CONTACTING the person to let them know you're bowing out is even poorer. If you want to cancel, cancel earlier. It's really disrespectful of others' time.
We all have our bad moments. He probably told her off, because he was interested in getting to know her and she clearly wasn't. He gave his hopes up from the beginning. While she was giving out bread crumbs the OP thought he was getting a full meal. They're both at fault here.
Deep down, I think even if he would have done things right, he likely would have gotten a date, but it would have taken weeks to finalize. How she responded to things makes me think that she would extend as much rope as she could in hopes that he'd hang himself with it. When someone is teeter tottering with meeting someone, they don't rush into it, they set the other person up to ultimately give them a way out. What's the best way to do that? Extend the meet out indefinitely and then continue somewhat flaky behavior, until the other person says something offensive, which then gives you an out to not commit definitely.
I just think this is a case of one person being interested more than the other and the person not interested wanting a way out, definitely.
Loads of people. Especially when in one's twenties. And especially more so when people are working service sector jobs that may end around 7 or 8.
Not really. For a first date, with someone u have never met. Not common at all, at least in my world. And I am in my twenties.
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