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You did an atrocious unforgiving act. No one should ever snoop when your partner is acting suspicious, and telling you excuses/lies that dont add up. You should just leave a long term relatioship on a whim, the sec snooping crossed your mind.
I snooped on my boyfriends phone, I know. And I appeared to find something in a chat with his close guy friends when they were on a trip away his friend said that my boyfriend had went out with a transvestite? Now I don't know what to think of this. Also i had read something else that there was drugs on this trip when he stated to me that there definitely wasn't, now I know he's lying. Do I confront him and admit I snooped? I'm afraid of his reaction as I know how these things usually go, girl admits it and boy gets angry for girl snooping then makes the girl feel bad for snooping. In this situation I don't know what to do
Depends on what kind of person you are. Myself? Well, I am an ex-Spook, after all!
In one of my walks of life, a hard thing is the finding out about a friend and then continuing life in the open as if I didn't know that element about them. If I reveal, by accident, some of that information in conversation, then I should have an alternate, believable, counter situation why I know such to instantly fall back on.
Do consider however that the information learned is not information confirmed. We are quick to believe what is perceived but often, what we hear is believed in the speaker as truth but it may not necessarily be fact.
Remember the TWA 747 flight that blew up over Long Island in the 90s? There are eyewitnesses who believe they saw it shot down by a missile because they saw the rising tail fire and then heard the boom. The situation was actually that the nose blew off the aircraft, they saw the remaining part of the fuselage climb flaming into the sky (the tail fire) which moved at the speed of light. That image arrived to them first. The boom they heard, which moved at the much slower speed of sound, was that of the nose blowing off the aircraft.
Fact versus Truth.
If he did go out with a transvestite, it could have been for any number of reasons, from not knowing to possibly trying to gain an understanding of what is going on in the world these days. Given how quick people want to jump to conclusions, I might understand as well why he would wish this matter not to "be on the front page of tomorrow's paper".
NOW, if it is something that you can't accept, such as that you heard a story that they were doing drugs, then perhaps you should confront them on that. Matters that endanger, if only by association, your own personal security, should not be allowed to exist, even if relationships must be ended.
No need to tell him about the phone. Just tell him you need to move on. I don't really think he will even notice that you aren't in his life anymore so don't go through the drama of providing reasons.
You can do better than him and you learned a good life lesson.
You did an atrocious unforgiving act. No one should ever snoop when your partner is acting suspicious, and telling you excuses/lies that dont add up. You should just leave a long term relatioship on a whim, the sec snooping crossed your mind.
Looking back on my failed marriage, I can now laugh at myself for feeling bad (at the time), for snooping. Still not laughing about how incredibly stupid my ex-wife thought I was.
While snooping is not OK in general, clearly you felt some lack of trust with him and you acted on it and were validated. I think if you were able to objectively read back your original post (which when we're in relationships, it's impossible to do), you'd see your answer right there. Your boyfriend of 3 years lied to you and you found the proof he was lying. I don't like snooping, but if you hit a point where you've invested 3 years in a relationship and you don't trust your BF to that extent, I think that feeling speaks for itself. The snooping validated your feelings. Dump him.
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