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In that case, I would take this conversation in a slightly different constructive direction in that I see a whole LOT of moral posturing in this thread.
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At the end of the day, his medical issues and/or death would cause much more pain than a simple affair. Yet, we treat the affair as if it is the end all be all without a care for his mental well being..
Welcome to the thread.
There were actually people here telling him that a week ago, on the first pages.
I want to thank you all for your advice and (deserved) criticism. I know that some of you have been cheated on by a significant other in the past, and my heart goes out to you. I know what I've done to my wife and I hope that no one ever feels the way she does now. I know that even if we work things out, she'll have that little bit of anger/resentment in her that will hopefully fade away with time. We also have other issues that we're going to try to work out as well. I love her dearly, but I also realize that we may reach a point where we just decide to call it quits - I hope not, but even two people who love each other sometimes need to go their separate ways. If we succeed in saving our marriage and living together "til death do us part", we're both going to have to work on our problems daily. If we fail, I'd like to think that we have at least tried and we can walk away as friends.
So I'm gonna bow out from this thread for a while and go back to the more comfortable political and urban planning threads. Maybe a year from now I'll dig up this thread and give an update. Thanks to all
Edit: I've received several private notes from people on this thread: some encouraging, some condemning, and one person told me how to cheat without getting caught (ugh). I know that there are a lot of men out there who have made the same stupid mistake as I have. If you're interested in talking about it privately, don't hesitate to send me a private message. Maybe we can work on our issues together.
I know you said you're bowing out of the thread, but just in case...
Regarding the bold part: Here and, in previous posts you have said things like (paraphrasing) -- "if she doesn't want to continue the marriage I'm not going to stop her from leaving, I wouldn't want her to be stuck and unhappy... "
This sounds like the words of someone who will be relieved if it DOESN'T work out. Yes, it's sort of admirable that you want what's best for her but it's such a strong part of your posts that I find it hard to believe you REALLY want to stay married.
You really need to think about your words, and your actions, and whether deep in your heart you really want to stay married. If you don't you need to end it now.
In that case, I would take this conversation in a slightly different constructive direction in that I see a whole LOT of moral posturing in this thread.
If you really think about it- had he been strictly boozing it up and killing his liver by drinking 1/5 nightly, we would suggest he seek counsel. But, since he stuck his tip in another gal, he now faces doomsday.
At the end of the day, his medical issues and/or death would cause much more pain than a simple affair. Yet, we treat the affair as if it is the end all be all without a care for his mental well being..
Just like it is a ok for a husband/wife to smoke 3-5 packs of cigarettes a day- knowing all well the possible health implications. But let he or she stray one time- forget about it... But Americans of all genders are sexual hypocrites. For many of the major issues that Gallup tracks, American sexual behaviors are drastically at odds with American sexual beliefs. As a society, we often wag our collective fingers at porn viewers, sexually active teens, cheaters, and the promiscuous but, statistically speaking, we’re only chastising ourselves.
Thank God cheating isn't a crime subject to ending up on Death Row, and as if it were left to any number of posters on this thread, they'd send him to San Quentin, without a blink of the eye!
One of the wisest sayings ever uttered: What we hate the most in others, we oftentimes see so much of in ourselves! We're talking subconsciously, unconsciously!
I'll bet any amount of $$ that if this results in a divorce, and the wife remarries, she'll collide head-on with another cheater!
Projection! Projection! Why so many people don't take time to explore that?
Thank God cheating isn't a crime subject to ending up on Death Row, and as if it were left to any number of posters on this thread, they'd send him to San Quentin, without a blink of the eye!
One of the wisest sayings ever uttered: What we hate the most in others, we oftentimes see so much of in ourselves! We're talking subconsciously, unconsciously!
I'll bet any amount of $$ that if this results in a divorce, and the wife remarries, she'll collide head-on with another cheater!
Projection! Projection! Why so many people don't take time to explore that?
So you are saying it is okay to cheat on a spouse?
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
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Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing
In that case, I would take this conversation in a slightly different constructive direction in that I see a whole LOT of moral posturing in this thread.
If you really think about it- had he been strictly boozing it up and killing his liver by drinking 1/5 nightly, we would suggest he seek counsel. But, since he stuck his tip in another gal, he now faces doomsday.
If a person wants to drink themselves to death and screw up their health, then that's their prerogative; and that would have NO bearing whatsoever on the trust and faithfulness that their spouse is expecting them to uphold during the entire course of the marriage.
But, when a guy 'sticks his tip' - even "just once" - inside of a vagina other than his wife's, then um, yeah, that absolutely does have a HUGE bearing and impact on the trust that his spouse had in him AND the sexual faithfulness that he was supposed to uphold BEFORE his adulterous actions had BREACHED it.
A person's alcohol addiction isn't cheating - but, 'sticking their tip' inside of someone else's sexual organ IS cheating. Whether or not the BS (betrayed spouse) wants to end the marriage or purge the CS (cheating spouse) into 'doomsday' is their decision to make.
Quote:
At the end of the day, his medical issues and/or death would cause much more pain than a simple affair. Yet, we treat the affair as if it is the end all be all without a care for his mental well being..
You can't speak for everyone - and no, for some people, the medical issues of a CS would be much easier to deal with (or get out of) than dealing with the emotional anguish of an intentional (and the ultimate) sexual betrayal by their CS having had just a 'simple affair'. If I had a CS, I'd rather see them sick or dying than have them CHEAT on me and give me a deadly disease. Um, no thanks.
NOTE: I noticed throughout your post how you refer to cheating/adultery in such a cavalier kind of way - as though you were talking about a 'simple shopping trip' or a 'simple cup of coffee'. There's NOTHING simple about a spouse having an affair.
Quote:
Just like it is a ok for a husband/wife to smoke 3-5 packs of cigarettes a day- knowing all well the possible health implications. But let he or she stray one time- forget about it...
Yep. They KNOW all too well the possible health implications that smoking 3-5 packs a day will bring - and, that's on THEM, because they're supposed to be mature ADULTS and they're supposed to act accordingly. Them sticking their organ into other people's organs does NOT give them a Free Pass for the BS to "care" about their health. A mature, RESPONSIBLE person is supposed to care about their marriage as well as their own health. If they don't care about their own health, then they need to at least care about their marriage and their SPOUSE.
Quote:
But Americans of all genders are sexual hypocrites. For many of the major issues that Gallup tracks, American sexual behaviors are drastically at odds with American sexual beliefs. As a society, we often wag our collective fingers at porn viewers, sexually active teens, cheaters, and the promiscuous but, statistically speaking, we’re only chastising ourselves.
"...We're only chastising ourselves"?!
So, you're saying that - 'statistically speaking' - because I don't approve of (and 'wag my finger' at) porn, cheaters and promiscuous people, that I'm 'chastising myself' and am a 'sexual hypocrite' because I'm actually doing the very things I don't approve of?
LOL
Last edited by AprilFlowers17; 09-06-2017 at 03:51 PM..
Not as relevant as his compulsion to behave as a totally different person when his wife is out of sight/out of mind/out of town.
Absolutely.
My post was also made prior to having read the full thread, and so... certain details passed me by. My advice was falsely premised on the belief that the OP just genuinely screwed up one night.
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If I had a CS, I'd rather see them sick or dying than have them CHEAT on me and give me a deadly disease. Um, no thanks.