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Giving a nan an ultimatum to choose between you and something else is not a good idea. You could lose.
Claim the exe's damn stuff! They're yours now and so is he. Claim him! Sure he still needs to forget her. So you make him forget her! And he will. If he hasn't forgotten her already. He got jealous of your ex remember.
People leave things behind all of the time. I still have things left over from some of my exes. They're mine now. Heck, we have a cat that belonged to my husband's long ago ex. It's my cat now. She's happy I have it.
I think the OP is getting too worked up over something that shouldn't matter.
Except he wants to give it back to her, she texts him from time to time.
Nah. You gotta know where you stand in this relationship. You gotta know if you're the number one. If you're not, then you know where the priorities are, and they're not with you.
Except he wants to give it back to her, she texts him from time to time.
If the roles where reversed, I wouldn't put up with this. You can drag your feet or set things straight early. Setting things straight early may lead to some alone time, but that's just the nature of the game.
I would not have shown you were bothered by pans and done what the others said and make them your pans and show him you are threatened by his ex. It does not matter if you become exclusive or not when it comes to passionate and violate on and off relationship,s unless something happened that was a major deal breaker, such as he walked in on her with 5 men. If he is still talking about her negatively, he isn't over her. Is there complete indifference when he speaks of her?
He is going to let an ex he has a lot of history with that another woman wants her pans gone. I would not have gone there yet imo.
I hope not, but you opened a Pandora's Box. You just gave them a reason to start squabbling and talking, then come the emotions, then make up sex.
He may also start to envision all the other demands you may make in the future should you marry.
I don't know that I would issue an ultimatum, but I do see the reason for concern. People leave stuff when they intend to come back. The old girlfriend plans to come back at some point. He hasn't thrown the stuff out, so he is leaving the door open for her return.
Personally, I am not well suited to playing second fiddle, so I would be sweetly suggesting that he figure out what it is that he wants. If he can't make up his mind, I am perfectly capable of making up my own mind and finding someone who holds me in high esteem and not as a convenient place holder until the important one comes back.
A little tact might have gotten OP further but I can understand how she might need to know her place in this relationship.
I would not have shown you were bothered by pans and done what the others said and make them your pans and show him you are threatened by his ex. It does not matter if you become exclusive or not when it comes to passionate and violate on and off relationship,s unless something happened that was a major deal breaker, such as he walked in on her with 5 men. If he is still talking about her negatively, he isn't over her. Is there complete indifference when he speaks of her?
He is going to let an ex he has a lot of history with that another woman wants her pans gone. I would not have gone there yet imo.
I hope not, but you opened a Pandora's Box. You just gave them a reason to start squabbling and talking, then come the emotions, then make up sex.
He may also start to envision all the other demands you may make in the future should you marry.
Its not just pots and pans, its other stuff as well, idk exactly, but apparently sentimental stuff. There is indifference when he speaks about her.
He has told me, he feels bad getting rid of the stuff, that its valuable to her. If something is that valuable she would have already taken it all...He said he would get rid of it by my deadline, I hope so.
Why does he feel bad about some pots and pans? Sounds like he still has an emotional attachment to her. If I were dating someone new and my exes pots and pans bothered him.....where do you think those pots and pans would be(in the trash). If hes not willing to let her go then maybe you need to move on or just continue to put up with it. The choice is yours.
Its not just pots and pans, its other stuff as well, idk exactly, but apparently sentimental stuff. There is indifference when he speaks about her.
I am rooting for you. I cringe because it has to be hard being in your position. The less he contacts her the better. If she wants them and has not picked them up yet, then I agree she believes at one point or another she is coming back.
Are they expensive pans? I wouldn't leave anything nice if I was completely over a relationship.
One more thought, this issue may let you know more about what is going on between them. It will be better to know now than in a year. Another take away is jealousy does not necessarily mean love especially this soon. He may be projecting jealousy because of the way he and the ex still communicate.
Watch your back, but do not be too obvious, because he will start hiding his actions and covering his tracks if there is more to it.
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