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What do other people's (lousy) choices have to do with you? Why do you let what other people do in their personal lives dictate what you will do, or not do, in your own?
I think of it as learning from others' mistakes by deciding not to make them. Being alone isn't the bowl of cherries I thought it would be but, from what I've gathered over the years, it's a shedload easier than the alternative.
Apparently I'm odd, have 'trust issues' (ugh!) and should be tested for autism because I'm strongly averse to letting someone in and potentially giving them the power to hurt me. 'You can't think like that,' people tell me. Says who? I'd rather that than not think at all.
Thanks guys, that's really interesting and good to know. Have any of you guys spent any time learning about dating, relationships, flirting, etc? Just like any other skill you would learn?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,995,252 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gregfloripa
Thanks guys, that's really interesting and good to know. Have any of you guys spent any time learning about dating, relationships, flirting, etc? Just like any other skill you would learn?
Like almost all relationships skills, people learn it by doing it. I can't imagine reading a book about it.
Like almost all relationships skills, people learn it by doing it. I can't imagine reading a book about it.
I don't believe that's true. Think of any other skill you have in life, it was either through learning or someone showing you. Yet in dating you don't get taught anything in school nor do we get shown how to do it usually. I think it's a skill like any other, social skills can be learned by reading as well and then learning by doing it. You need both in my opinion
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,995,252 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gregfloripa
I don't believe that's true. Think of any other skill you have in life, it was either through learning or someone showing you. Yet in dating you don't get taught anything in school nor do we get shown how to do it usually. I think it's a skill like any other, social skills can be learned by reading as well and then learning by doing it. You need both in my opinion
Actually, my interpersonal relationships skills, making friends, having sex, dating, etc weren't taught to me. Not in school, not in books, and no, not even by watching family. I learned them by doing, trial and error. Lots of skills are like this. No one taught me to type, I just did it and kept doing it until I got better. No one taught to ask a girl out, I just do it. No one taught me to make friends, I just learned by doing it, making mistakes, and trying not to repeat those mistakes next time. If people want to read about it, that's fine, it's not for me. I only have so much reading time and it isn't a subject that interests me enough.
Actually, my interpersonal relationships skills, making friends, having sex, dating, etc weren't taught to me. Not in school, not in books, and no, not even by watching family. I learned them by doing, trial and error. Lots of skills are like this. No one taught me to type, I just did it and kept doing it until I got better. No one taught to ask a girl out, I just do it. No one taught me to make friends, I just learned by doing it, making mistakes, and trying not to repeat those mistakes next time. If people want to read about it, that's fine, it's not for me. I only have so much reading time and it isn't a subject that interests me enough.
True. I would argue that there'd have to be less error if the fundamentals and things were learned before which would save much more time in the long run. Just like typing, you can learn by yourself but usually a much slower road than if you're taught. Same with guitar, you can learn yourself but much faster if you learn from someone that has done it for 10+ years. Same with dating and sex, we'll learn slowly by trial and error, and not necessarily everything.
Probably why sometimes we end up dating the same type of people with the same result, but that's more of a psychology thing.
Dating someone who wants to do everything but intercourse, then sits around talking over and over about her and ex boyfriend and their "first time". She was the one initiating it all. Another hugged and kissed me all night thanking her for being such a wonderful boyfriend, then I hear the next day she was telling everybody I was the biggest bore she'd ever been with.
Dating someone who wants to do everything but intercourse, then sits around talking over and over about her and ex boyfriend and their "first time". She was the one initiating it all. Another hugged and kissed me all night thanking her for being such a wonderful boyfriend, then I hear the next day she was telling everybody I was the biggest bore she'd ever been with.
Never let women talk about their ex boyfriends. And if they don't want to have sex, kick them out.
Have any of you guys spent any time learning about dating, relationships, flirting, etc? Just like any other skill you would learn?
With the best will in the world, I'd rather learn something I see value in. From what I've seen on this board, dating and relationships only make life more complicated than it has to be.
I can flirt like a champion as long as there's no chance of either side following through .
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