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So you want a woman that knows where you are every minute of every day? Who must go with you everywhere but work? Not me, I don't want to be suffocated.
Well, my ex told me that he wanted a woman who would get jealous if another woman so much as looked at him in public, and preferably start a physical fight with her over him.
Why? Because that's how he does and he thinks it's how you show love. If you're not insanely jealous and possessive, then it's not love.
I think I'm both independent AND clingy, in my present relationship...but whatever it is, it seems to work for us. When he isn't around, I do my own thing and I am happy, whether socializing with my friends or working on art or reading a book, I am good...no need to be in constant contact. Once in a while I have some insecure feeling, it was worse when the "honeymoon phase" was going on, and he would hear me out, and reassure me as to how loved and wanted I was. But it wasn't happening constantly, just once in a while, and it mellowed out as our relationship has mellowed. But when we are spending time together, you could say I'm clingy, he loves to touch and be touched and so do I, so we're both kind of physically clingy, I guess.
Either of us COULD live without the other. But we would rather not.
What's suffocating to one person, is affirming to another. What is comfortable for one person, is too cool and distant for another.
I'm thinking though, this is one of those areas of compatibility or lack thereof, where people probably should discuss it early on, but they usually don't. They wait until there's a problem, and someone is feeling suffocated or neglected. And knowing how many areas can make or break a relationship, then I ponder some of the guys who figure that if they could just get a chance, a foot in the door, with any woman they find attractive enough to want to be intimate with, then everything would be peachy, and it would probably be easy street from there on out. Like I hate to make it any more difficult than it already is for these folks, but getting a connection started is only the beginning. What if your attractive gal who is giving you a shot is seriously incompatible to your needs, in some manner such as this?
So you want a woman that knows where you are every minute of every day? Who must go with you everywhere but work? Not me, I don't want to be suffocated.
Really depends on your definition of both of these words.
As an “in general” responce to the question as to not get lost in the weeds of the minutia surrounding it:
I’m not very interested or attracted in people who need or feel the need for constant attention, direction or help. It leaves little room for them to learn and grown on their own and makes them too reliant on others for validation, appreciation and feedback.
The balance between all things needs to be their in some form or it ends up feeling like a User/used situation and not a relation based around mutual needs, Otherwise it’s completly fine to be a little of all of these things
When I first reported onboard my first sub, I entered into a community that had an extremely high divorce rate. As I spent time onboard and completed a few patrols it was easy for me to understand why. We were in 'off-crew' status for 3 months, most of that period we would all be in classrooms or trainers in shift-work. Before we had to go back on deployment for 105 days. What time we got off was great, but relationships were confined within these 3-month windows.
I knew crewmen who went back home to their highschool sweethearts, married them and brought those young wives to live on the Navy base. Just as they were settling into married life, we were gone for the next 105 days. If they had no independent living skills, they were destroyed.
To be successful as a submarine wife, a female needs to be happy living on her own for 105-day intervals.
In 1981 I met a truck stop waitress that I started dating, she told me that she had no need for a man in her life. I proposed to her and 20 years and 17 patrols later we were still married when I retired from the Navy.
Marrying an independent woman allowed me to further my career and my Net Worth, far longer than if I had married a clinging woman.
I bought apartment complexes at each of our duty stations. I would spend 7 months of each year 'on patrol' entirely underwater, leaving my wife to manage the properties and tenants.
When the Navy retired me onto pension, we had enough experience managing apartments and enough equity that we were confident in embracing this as our retirement.
I'm the boss but at the same time don't want no nitwit that wont express her opinion or use her brain.
Why are you the boss?
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When I first reported onboard my first sub, I entered into a community that had an extremely high divorce rate. As I spent time onboard and completed a few patrols it was easy for me to understand why. We were in 'off-crew' status for 3 months, most of that period we would all be in classrooms or trainers in shift-work. Before we had to go back on deployment for 105 days. What time we got off was great, but relationships were confined within these 3-month windows.
I knew crewmen who went back home to their highschool sweethearts, married them and brought those young wives to live on the Navy base. Just as they were settling into married life, we were gone for the next 105 days. If they had no independent living skills, they were destroyed.
To be successful as a submarine wife, a female needs to be happy living on her own for 105-day intervals.
In 1981 I met a truck stop waitress that I started dating, she told me that she had no need for a man in her life. I proposed to her and 20 years and 17 patrols later we were still married when I retired from the Navy.
Marrying an independent woman allowed me to further my career and my Net Worth, far longer than if I had married a clinging woman.
I bought apartment complexes at each of our duty stations. I would spend 7 months of each year 'on patrol' entirely underwater, leaving my wife to manage the properties and tenants.
When the Navy retired me onto pension, we had enough experience managing apartments and enough equity that we were confident in embracing this as our retirement.
I think you have most of the makings of a good country song in this story -
Seriously, congratulations on picking out the right life partner!
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