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That just means she was never really into sex, but only used it to get him to marry her.
That, or she was never really that into him.
If a woman might only pretend to be excited and wanting a guy sexually, to get him to commit...what about the guys who only pretend to find a woman interesting and be into who she is, to get her to have sex? What happens when those two get into a relationship, and the guy no longer seems to give a rat's patoot about her as a person, and suddenly whoopsie, she doesn't care so much about giving him a good time in the bedroom...hm.
All I can say is I've heard from more women that sex for them is part of the whole, compared to men who seem to think it can be compartmentalized into its own little box. A couple has a fight, both have hurt feelings, there's a chance the woman might then not want to have sex, and the guy won't understand why and might think she is punishing him. Where she is over there like, "how am I supposed to be all turned on to have sex with a guy who just made me feel that way?"
Thing is...you cannot simply say, "Best fix yo'self, woman, the man needs his needs met" and not even look at her needs, if you want anything to actually change. "Low libido" should not be taken as something not connected or related to anything else, unless there is a medical cause...but once that's ruled out? No.
And this goes for situations with men, too. I've known men who felt disrespected and emasculated in their relationships by how their wives generally treated them, and simply lost interest and desire. They often turned to alcoholism, porn, or other means to cope, but the idea of stepping up to the marital bed and getting it on held no appeal. Remember too, that many cases of ED in men, are caused by psychological factors, not physical ones. I talked about how it was a problem that I didn't feel safe being vulnerable with my ex, and if you can't be vulnerable, you can't truly be intimate and you likely won't be uninhibited enough to want sex. Do you think a man is going to feel safe being vulnerable if he's psyched out, worried about whether he can "perform" or feeling disrespected or emasculated? Probably not.
An example of the whole "no vulnerability hurting the intimacy" thing... I could not talk to my ex about my sexual fantasies. I didn't want to. It's as though I half-expected it to be used to shame me somehow. I did not trust him enough to reveal that sort of thing to him. The man I'm with now? Yeah, I can totally talk about that stuff with him. No problem. I feel safe being vulnerable to him.
There can be many reasons, from hormonal birth control to serious psychological stuff, that impair a couple's sex life. It is up to the couple, to take it seriously enough to really try to find solutions.
Cheating though...that is never ok. Better if the person approaches the non-sexual partner with a discussion to ethically open the marriage, rather than lying and sneaking around.
The more this is discussed....the more it seems like the lack of sex is more or a less a symptom of a bigger issue rather than the main issue.
It seems like most folks don't recognize or don't acknowledge a bigger issue until it starts affecting their sex life, interesting.
I think it's easier to avoid thinking about, or talking about, bigger issues.
Sex is obvious. What sucks is when there is definitely a bigger issue, but the couple just sees a sex issue and blinds themselves to the bigger issue, and they talk about the sex issue, maybe promise to try harder, but since the bigger issue isn't examined, nothing changes.
I think it's easier to avoid thinking about, or talking about, bigger issues.
Sex is obvious. What sucks is when there is definitely a bigger issue, but the couple just sees a sex issue and blinds themselves to the bigger issue, and they talk about the sex issue, maybe promise to try harder, but since the bigger issue isn't examined, nothing changes.
I think it's easier to avoid thinking about, or talking about, bigger issues.
Sex is obvious. What sucks is when there is definitely a bigger issue, but the couple just sees a sex issue and blinds themselves to the bigger issue, and they talk about the sex issue, maybe promise to try harder, but since the bigger issue isn't examined, nothing changes.
Very true. I know a guy who has been purposely withholding sex from his wife for months. He said she never backs him up when he tries to discipline the kids. She overrules all of his decisions. So, he feels emasculated. "How am I supposed to bond with someone who makes me feel that way?"
Of course, if you ask her, she would say the lack of sex is the only issue.
Not taking sides. But this seems like a huge indicator of a problem. The way she phrased it ex her tone, body language etc also gave me reason for concern. This is not a casual freind. This someone I have grown up with, lived with and travelled with. I have know this couple from the first day they met and am the god parent to one of their kids. They are also like family. I would not want this marriage to fail as this family and these people mean a lot to me.
I think often your freinds that have known you throughout all your life are best able to read when something is off. My freind know when I am bluffing ex pretending something is not a big deal when it really is a BIG deal.
Something may or may not be off. But you don't live with them day in and day out. You have no idea what may or may not be off.
The more this is discussed....the more it seems like the lack of sex is more or less a symptom of a bigger issue rather than the main issue.
It seems like most folks don't recognize or don't acknowledge a bigger issue until it starts affecting their sex life, interesting.
Now we are on the same page.
That is pretty much what I thought.
It seems that in many cases that it becomes the final sign that the problems and issues have boiled over to the point there is a shut down.
I think it's easier to avoid thinking about, or talking about, bigger issues.
Sex is obvious. What sucks is when there is definitely a bigger issue, but the couple just sees a sex issue and blinds themselves to the bigger issue, and they talk about the sex issue, maybe promise to try harder, but since the bigger issue isn't examined, nothing changes.
... but when they take the time to explore why they are not having sex it will lead them to the other issues.
Frequently they get stuck on the sex part - like this thread.
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