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Someone said this should be a separate thread so here goes.
one of the things that frustrates me about single life is when well meaning people say cold hearted things like "just move on" " there are plenty of fish in the sea" or theirs millions of women out there.
No there are not millions of women out there for every guy.
I live in a big city (17th largest in America) we have a population of 854,113 souls living here in my city proper, sounds like a big number right?
well since I'm a straight male only just under half of those are women(slightly higher male population here) so lets say 400,000 or so are female, that still seems a big number? okay lets say 1/3 of that number is children since boomers are still the largest population and and those born after 2000 are a close second.
Well that leaves about 266,666 still a lot to work with right? okay, how many of those left are too old(and if you are a senior reverse it for still too young)? Now as far as age I will as a rule of thumb go about 15 years either direction, may push it to 25 depending on maturity if younger or how well they stayed in shape if older. their goes another half, so now we are at 133,333 well there is still a lot to work with right?
But wait, how many of those women are married or in a relationship? statistically around 50.2% of adults are married and factor in those who are living together or currently in relationships it's most likely closer to 70%, so that leaves 39,999 okay of that how many don't have young children living with them?
Well According to the U.S. Census Bureau's Population Survey, in 2014, 47.6 percent of women between age 15 and 44 had never had children(I went back 3 years for this stat because the 15's are 18 now and the 44 is now 47 so it seems less creepy). so lets say 30% of 39,999 have children under 13?
Remove them and 27,999 is whats left. now out of that how many are going to be your type? in other words have the mix of hobbies and interests that you are also into? what if the things you are into are not in the mainstream or not popular among the opposite sex? what if most of the stuff you enjoy only 10% of the opposite sex are into and unless you only have 1 interests maybe 2% of your pool may share all or at least most of them. now you are down to 559.98 ok still a big number or seems so though that number may be false because how many of that 559 were really eliminated in one of the earlier deductions for already being in a relationship? because before now I was speaking simple of raw numbers of women, narrowing down by the basics, saving specifics for last so again over half of that number may not be single at the same time you are, plus half of that may have already been struck out having young children. so so now your down to 139, of them how many have you, a friend or family member already dated? when I go on dating sites and use my custom search I am seeing the same women over and over on all the apps and sites with maybe a few new ones every several months. in the last 17 years I have talked to 100 or so gone out with half that so subtract that and you have 89 all the way down from 854,113, 89 that I would have to find just one of them in a sea of 400,000 women in a radius of 349.2 square miles.
So you see when one finds what he is looking for or at least most of it, someone he would not have to change, it's hard to just move on because it means back to the grueling search.
So you see when one finds what he is looking for or at least most of it, someone he would not have to change, it's hard to just move on because it means back to the grueling search.
It is hard, but the truth, when you get down to it, is that, despite all that math, all you can do is ...
move on.
While a little more compassion probably would be welcome, it's not cruel. It's just reality.
It might make you feel better if instead of "move on," people say, "Move forward."
one of the things that frustrates me about single life is when well meaning people say cold hearted things like "just move on" " there are plenty of fish in the sea" or theirs millions of women out there.
Realize that what hurts is not the actual ending of the relationship but rather that you over estimated your role in that other person's life.
I don't see it as cold hearted.. but rather a slap in the face of reality. If the relationship ends, there really isn't another path but to move on. You can't force the relationship... you don't want to. You just have to work through the phases of "grief" and move on. You hurt... then you get angry... then you get over it. Until you move on... you are at a standstill. With that said, take your time to get through it... and move on. Distract the mind (and heart) but don't forget to have periods of reflection.
It truly is a game of winners and losers. One of the lessons I repeat to my sons is that you have to learn to compete. We compete with each other in every aspect of life; work included. Part of that includes learning that you will loose at times. The difference between those that succeed and those that fail is whether or not that loss motivates them to try again looking for different avenues and options.
Statistically speaking, you are eliminating women "with baggage" or incompatibilities. Well from the perspective of women the same statistics apply. No there are not millions of women for a guy but on the same token there are not millions of guys for a particular lady either. One option that is often available to a single person is the ability to change/move dating pools.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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My ex is in day 3 of losing her since we broke up. It would be extremely dangerous for her to be told “move on.†But at some point you have to get on with life after time to mourn.
It is hard, but the truth, when you get down to it, is that, despite all that math, all you can do is ...
move on.
While a little more compassion probably would be welcome, it's not cruel. It's just reality.
It might make you feel better if instead of "move on," people say, "Move forward."
This.
In this particular instance it's just the reality of the situation.
You're going to have to accept it eventually. It's out of your control. I can empathize with thinking it's a cruel thing to say because you're emotional, and it's not what you want to hear. Me, personally, I rather a person be brutally honest than sickly sweet. In certain instances anyway.
Realize that what hurts is not the actual ending of the relationship but rather that you over estimated your role in that other person's life.
This is very true, and it tears you up and can affect your self-worth. Surround yourself with family and friends and lean on them.
Time will help heal your wounds and you cannot rush time.
Regarding continuing the search.... if you want a relationship, as a man, you kind of have to. It's not fair that we're the gender that must be proactive for anything to happen, but it's the reality. Heal, continue to look, and keep your spirits up.
Sometimes moving on emotionally is not so easy. It's not just about finding someone new, it's about actually letting go and getting over that person and healing.
Sometimes moving on emotionally is not so easy. It's not just about finding someone new, it's about actually letting go and getting over that person and healing.
actually it is. the later is made easier by the former.
When you split with someone, you cannot change what's happened.
What you can change, or at least control, is your response to it. You can choose to move forward and learn from the experience or you can choose to continue letting it hurt you.
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since we broke up. It would be extremely dangerous for her to be told “move on.†But at some point you have to get on with life after time to mourn.
