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I am a girl, 25 and my boyfriend is 26. We're living together and at that age, he doesn't know his priorities. He could end the day scrolling only FACEBOOK (so unproductive!) and whenever I tell him to do chores as I do the same, he would turn his back on me and the next thing he will do to me would be the silent treatment. It's not fair to live in a house and you do almost everything. I hate it when he does that (silent treatment) to me. When it comes to him, I always lower down my pride. Even if it's not my fault. He would tell me that I kept on starting a fight/quarrel with him when in fact, he is the main reason why we are always fighting and arguing.
It's tiring and exhausting. but I don't want to give up on him. I love him. I just don't know what to do anymore. I always put him first but I felt like to him, I'm always second. It's frustrating but I don't want to give him up.
I am a girl, 25 and my boyfriend is 26. We're living together and at that age, he doesn't know his priorities. He could end the day scrolling only FACEBOOK (so unproductive!) and whenever I tell him to do chores as I do the same, he would turn his back on me and the next thing he will do to me would be the silent treatment. It's not fair to live in a house and you do almost everything. I hate it when he does that (silent treatment) to me. When it comes to him, I always lower down my pride. Even if it's not my fault. He would tell me that I kept on starting a fight/quarrel with him when in fact, he is the main reason why we are always fighting and arguing.
It's tiring and exhausting. but I don't want to give up on him. I love him. I just don't know what to do anymore. I always put him first but I felt like to him, I'm always second. It's frustrating but I don't want to give him up.
Any advice? Thanks!
You're his girlfriend, not his mom.
If you're both not behaving in adult roles, then neither of you is "ready to settle."
Read this thread for "his" point of view, to see what it's like living with you:
You say you love him. Why? Does the good outweigh the bad overall? Giving someone the silent treatment because they ask you to help out around the house is ridiculous My ex never lifted a finger to help me around the house. I felt more like his mom, than his wife. It is exhausting and builds up a lot of resentment to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't put in their fair share.
I'm the one who got lucky with my husband. He cleans up after himself and never make a mess. But I noticed that when we were dating. He lives alone and when he invited me to his house it's clean.
Pretty sure you have an idea that your BF is a slob. I dated a nice guy and his house is just not clean to my standard. I dump his arse. LOL.
My point is, your BF is set in his ways. I don't think he will change. I can't live like you are living now. I definitely will leave the guy. I ain't got time for that.
I would move out so he no longer had a housekeeper and see whether he felt like growing up then. If so, the relationship would progress. If not, well, you can't force a person to grow up of he's not ready. Not only does he let you clean up like you're his mom, he gets to sneer at your nagging and then ignore you like you're his mom. Bad dynamic.
Move out. If you just say you might move out, or if you threaten, he will do juuuuuust enough to get you to stay put, then he will do less and less again while you walk on eggshells hoping he will "help" (help clean up his own garbage??? Umm) again if only you make things non-naggy for him, surely things will go back to how amazing they were for like, all of three weeks or so. Then things will build, and you will blow up. He'll do a few things again....for a couple weeks...then less...lather, rinse, repeat.
You'll be a shrieky half looney prematurely aged hag within half a year. Then he will he able to smoothly transition to "I don't help because you yell. So where is my motivation to help?" Flip. On goes the X Box.
Avoid all that, leave now and then you can both assess.
I would move out so he no longer had a housekeeper and see whether he felt like growing up then. If so, the relationship would progress. If not, well, you can't force a person to grow up of he's not ready. Not only does he let you clean up like you're his mom, he gets to sneer at your nagging and then ignore you like you're his mom. Bad dynamic.
Move out. If you just say you might move out, or if you threaten, he will do juuuuuust enough to get you to stay put, then he will do less and less again while you walk on eggshells hoping he will "help" (help clean up his own garbage??? Umm) again if only you make things non-naggy for him, surely things will go back to how amazing they were for like, all of three weeks or so. Then things will build, and you will blow up. He'll do a few things again....for a couple weeks...then less...lather, rinse, repeat.
You'll be a shrieky half looney prematurely aged hag within half a year. Then he will he able to smoothly transition to "I don't help because you yell. So where is my motivation to help?" Flip. On goes the X Box.
Avoid all that, leave now and then you can both assess.
I agree.
You wouldn't tolerate that behavior (not sharing the housework, giving you the silent treatment when you ask them to do their fair share, etc.) why should you tolerate it from a boy friend. Sheesh!
Next you are probably going to say that he doesn't even pay his share of the rent and utilities.
When you learn to love YOURSELF more then this jerk...then you will finally see the light...which is that you deserve better and you will not ever get it as long as you still 'love' this person and don't want to give him up.
LOVE yourself FIRST. Don't ever settle!
The silent treatment is very childish, and passive-aggressive, OP. To say nothing of the rest of the issues. A good relationship is built on open, considerate communication. You two don't have it. Also, he's accusing you of being the source of discord in the relationship--another manipulative tactic.
I couldn't live with that. You've fallen in love with the wrong person, or you're choosing to stay in love with the wrong person. He obviously doesn't care about you, because he blows you off, and then accuses you of causing problems.
Think about that.
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