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I think because my relationships taught me just as much about what I don't want as what I do want.
I never dated a bad person or a crazy person. And lots of people are simply lovely in their own way and can offer a lot to a relationship. But there are things that make day-to-day living joyous or a living hell (without the person him/herself being bad).
Best to recognize that up front.
Like buying a 2 seater car when you have a family of six. Eliminate stuff that simply is not going to work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27
It's nice to want to connect that part I agree with.
However, there are just some people and some personalities that I don't want to deal with.
My past relationships with picking the wrong women made me selective. I no longer just choose a woman cause she's hot/sexy.
Life taught me that all that glitters isn't gold.
I understand and I'm not suggesting that people date people they're not comfortable with. I think putting it in a profile emphasizes the negative, though. The kinds of things I know I don't want in a woman are either abundantly clear or would become clear in a conversation or two, in which case I don't need to specify them, or things a woman could easily hide should she just have to have a shot with me, in which case my preemtive effort to exclude her won't work.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
I understand and I'm not suggesting that people date people they're not comfortable with. I think putting it in a profile emphasizes the negative, though. The kinds of things I know I don't want in a woman are either abundantly clear or would become clear in a conversation or two, in which case I don't need to specify them, or things a woman could easily hide should she just have to have a shot with me, in which case my preemtive effort to exclude her won't work.
Exactly. I know things I don't want to deal with, but I try to focus on the positive, the things we can connect on. I find there are very few true dealbreakers in the world.
And any profile that says "don't message me if..." abundantly, or repeatedly, is not going to be someone I message even if those things don't apply to me. It shows they have a negative mindset.
I understand and I'm not suggesting that people date people they're not comfortable with. I think putting it in a profile emphasizes the negative, though. .
The question is which profiles would we skip based on seeing certain things.
I wouldn't put that on MY profile (the things I find to be turn-offs).
The question is which profiles would we skip based on seeing certain things.
I wouldn't put that on MY profile (the things I find to be turn-offs).
You're talking about 2 different things.
You're right. I knew what I meant, so why didn't you? No, seriously, I was answering in the context of my comment, which was a little different than the bigger context of the thread. So I added apples to the oranges and started the confusion.
Stoner/any drug use, admits to having a bad attitude and needing to be “handled”, has kids, expects money, or appears to have put in no effort into their profile.
It's funny, I live in a place that's famous for beach after beach and I too rarely see people walking along one holding hands.
It is HARD to walk on sand in a straight line like that. I did it once with a guy who said he loved the beach in winter. It was so hard to try to hold to his hand while tramping over sand.
I see tons of people ON the beach, sure. Sunning, playing, etc. And running for the water. And people will walk along boardwalks or through the adjacent town. But people will do that anywhere, not just beaches.
Same here on the Jersey coast, Jerz. (Eastern Monmouth County) I walk at the beach a lot by myself. It's usually a place to go for me to reflect or think things out. I don't want somebody tawkin' to me.
I do see couples walking together, but it's mostly on the boardwalk. Lots of people walking dogs on the beach, though!
Exactly. I know things I don't want to deal with, but I try to focus on the positive, the things we can connect on. I find there are very few true dealbreakers in the world.
And any profile that says "don't message me if..." abundantly, or repeatedly, is not going to be someone I message even if those things don't apply to me. It shows they have a negative mindset.
This is a good point.
It's a good exercise whether you do OLD or not to make a written list of the qualities you are seeking in a person. A few years ago, I typed up such a list on my old desktop computer. I was thinking about trying OLD again but decided not to. I think there were eight items.
This past year I entered into a relationship with someone somewhat unexpectedly. A month or two ago, I was looking for something in the files of that old computer and came across my list. The person I am seeing hit every item on the list except one, and it is certainly not a dealbreaker. Instead, there are other cool positives I never even thought of.
Write down what you would like, not what you would not like.
Stoner/any drug use, admits to having a bad attitude and needing to be “handled”, has kids, expects money, or appears to have put in no effort into their profile.
. And just to add: if they constantly refer to and bring up the fact about being a "strong single mom".
1.) Numerous pics of your face, but not one single full body shot. I loved women of all sizes but you should at least let everyone see what you're working with.
2.) Pictures of your kids. I was OK if the lady had kids, but I don't need to see them in AN ONLINE DATING PROFILE. Shows poor judgement.
3.) Explicit racial preferences...even if it was FOR my race. Like as a black guy, if a woman says "I only date the brothas", I know I've got a better shot, but I'm more inclined to take a step back........especially if the woman IS NOT black herself.
4.) "I love to travel" followed by tons of pics of you on yachts, sipping champagne. Perhaps you're independently wealthy...most likely, you're accustomed to an expensive lifestyle and will seek out men that can provide you with such.
5.) Height requirements. The whole "must be 6'0" or taller" thing is OK with me if the lady is 5'9" or something. If you're 5'2" and I've got half-a-foot on you??? Seriously? I'm too short?
6.) "Country girl seeks country guy." Saw this way more often on profiles than you'd think. I think it's just code for "white guy with sorta-conservative values" but who knows.
7.) I love every type of music except rap. I didn't realize you were a fan of reggae :-)
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No, seriously, I was answering in the context of my comment, which was a little different than the bigger context of the thread. So I added apples to the oranges and started the confusion.
. And just to add: if they constantly refer to and bring up the fact about being a "strong single mom".
