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I'm totally fine with passing a few words with strangers when we're "stuck" in the same place - say, standing in line somewhere. Then I'll be chatty and pass a cheerful word or two. I'l often be the "starter" in this scenario, I'll turn to the person standing right next to me to chat for a second.
Someone approaching by going out of his way, though...well, I'm married now but I can speak for having been a single person too. I pretty much KNEW there was some secondary motive. Either I was about to be asked out, or I was about to be asked for money. IMO, it is not cynical to assume that a total stranger who goes out of his way to leave what he had previously been doing and walk over to another stranger to talk, has a secondary reason.
Asking someone out isn't "bad" or anything, people do need to meet somehow, but it's pretty obvious a person crossing a Starbucks to talk to another person who has her head down has some very definite reason for doing so. Pushing beyond that IS NOT social, in fact it's antisocial as it disregards empathy - the person doesn't care how uncomfortable the woman feels (which is obvious), he's just going to keep pushing.
YES! And you have found the sweet spot of this thread. "Approaching" a stranger with intent to gain something is not cool and won't work. Natural, spontaneous conversation is more likely to lead to a pleasant interaction and maybe even a new friend if you discover shared interests.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
YES! And you have found the sweet spot of this thread. "Approaching" a stranger with intent to gain something is not cool and won't work. Natural, spontaneous conversation is more likely to lead to a pleasant interaction and maybe even a new friend if you discover shared interests.
YES! And you have found the sweet spot of this thread. "Approaching" a stranger with intent to gain something is not cool and won't work. Natural, spontaneous conversation is more likely to lead to a pleasant interaction and maybe even a new friend if you discover shared interests.
I have enough female friends if I approach a wowen it's because I'm attracted to her..But obviously if she isn't responding well to the convo I'm not gonna continue..that's just stupid
I think you are completely misunderstanding. But if you believe that natural conversation (vs. "cold approach") only yields platonic friendships, perhaps you should get your imagination checked. It seems limited.
YES! And you have found the sweet spot of this thread. "Approaching" a stranger with intent to gain something is not cool and won't work. Natural, spontaneous conversation is more likely to lead to a pleasant interaction and maybe even a new friend if you discover shared interests.
Yes. And it's that whole thing of the weirdness of the commonly used "approach" talk around here. I swear, every time, I imagine some dude acting all "Mission Impossible" with a little communications bud in his ear being talked through the process like he's defusing a bomb or something, I dunno...
"OK, now glance her way. Quickly. OK, very good. Now walk up, stand 38 inches away from her on the left side. Deploy your lines. Oh, are those...HEADPHONES? Abort! Abort!"
Red lights start flashing, an alarm is going off. The woman is just sitting there looking mildly confused, trying to listen to her podcast.
It's pretty easy to cut a conversation short after you've had enough or if you just don't wanna talk to that person.
''Welp, I gotta run! Enjoy your day!''.
Unfortunately I have to rely on another customer to come and break up the conversation because I can't leave my area. I'm naturally polite and it invites overly lonely people to ramble on and on. Ugggh.
Yes. And it's that whole thing of the weirdness of the commonly used "approach" talk around here. I swear, every time, I imagine some dude acting all "Mission Impossible" with a little communications bud in his ear being talked through the process like he's defusing a bomb or something, I dunno...
"OK, now glance her way. Quickly. OK, very good. Now walk up, stand 38 inches away from her on the left side. Deploy your lines. Oh, are those...HEADPHONES? Abort! Abort!"
Red lights start flashing, an alarm is going off. The woman is just sitting there looking mildly confused, trying to listen to her podcast.
I think you are completely misunderstanding. But if you believe that natural conversation (vs. "cold approach") only yields platonic friendships, perhaps you should get your imagination checked. It seems limited.
YES! And you have found the sweet spot of this thread. "Approaching" a stranger with intent to gain something is not cool and won't work. Natural, spontaneous conversation is more likely to lead to a pleasant interaction and maybe even a new friend if you discover shared interests.
There's that one dude that posts sometimes who insists that walking up cold to a woman and saying something like "Hello. I find you very attractive and would like to take you on a a date" is a totally normal thing to do that gets positive results. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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