Do most people end up settling? (boyfriends, marrying, man, loyalty)
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I don’t think any two people are ever perfect for each other. That would just be too unlikely. In a way, we all settle, for the person who completes us best, even if not perfectly. I’ve always had a strong initial attraction to wild, unconventional women but it never lasts. My current partner/wife of 25+ years is a mature, sensible, compassionate, responsible, honest woman who shares my values. It doesn’t get much better than that for me.
I do remember a quote from someone though that has stuck with me and believe it has some truth. My quote might be off but I think it is, “Most of the unhappiness in life comes not from expecting too much but from settling for too little.” If anyone knows who said it, I’d appreciate knowing.
I didn't read the whole thread, just this post, so maybe you've addressed it later down. But here, is there the assumption of the 'ideal' being a static thing? That if you finally get what you 100% want, that it will always be what you 100% want. Do you think this is possible? In the case of relationship, that your ideal mate will always be your ideal? That your desires are cemented in stone and will never change?
No.
What's perfect for you when you're 21 might not be perfect for you when you're 45.
Quote:
Originally Posted by typical_guinea_pig
The only way to never settle is to always be 100% aligned with your own desires and not your resistances. "Settling" is just an abstract term to describe living with dissatisfaction or disappointment about what you really want. It's not an objective thing, 'out there', unless you're projecting.
I don't see how its an abstract term. The definition is pretty clear.
Quote:
Originally Posted by typical_guinea_pig
If you feel sublime, whether single or busy with another person, you're not settling. If you feel lack in your life, and wish you could have something you don't have or can't find, whether single or busy with another person, then you're settling. If you're single and you feel joy and excitement as you wait for the perfect person to come along...then you're not settling. If you're single and you feel bored and frustrated and pessimistic as you wait for the perfect person to come along, then you're settling.
You are settling when you accept something you don't want and stop seeking what you really want.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chriz Brown
Yes it does.
Whenever you accept less than what you want, you are settling.
Factually incorrect statement.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chriz Brown
You are settling when you accept something you don't want and stop seeking what you really want.
More and more of your statements prove you have no relationship experience. People are real, what we "want" in a vacuum is abstract, if someone is getting with someone that isn't manufactured in their mind (i,e, your mythical 100% match that never exists), there are two individuals I would have LOOOOVVVEED to marry and be with, and I WANTED THEM with all my being, it was not settling. Still, they of course, could not be everything I would put on an abstract list.
Maybe sticking with fantasies are best for you since it appears really making connections with people and falling in love is not possible for you, which is too bad, it is pretty awesome.
If your standards aren't unrealistic then why are we talking about this - you don't even need to "settle" so it's a moot point.
Why do you assume this thread is about me? When did I say its about me?
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
But it sounds like your real point is that everyone ELSE is unrealistic and thus they WILL have to settle and that is super bad? Or super funny to you?
How can I have a point when I'm asking a question?
If the question makes you uncomfortable that says a lot right there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
And I never said you'd said settling at all was unacceptable - I'm trying to nail you down a little because you're acting like a slippery little fish.
Nobody gets their dream or fantasy person so if that's settling..
I think people get the best they can get with what their market value..It's why you see mostly evenly matched coupes..people want at least their "value" so to speak..If youre with somebody way less attractive then you regardless of how well you hit hit it off with that person you're gonna feel you can do better.
Nobody gets their dream or fantasy person so if that's settling..
Only true if you have unrealistic dreams and fantasies.
If you ask most people what their "dream meal" is.. they will usually come up with something realistic. Maybe lobster or a meal prepared by a celebrity chef. In that case.. you can get exactly what you want. But your dream first as to be rooted in reality. If your dream meal is "Pizza from Mars" then you will never get that.
I don’t think any two people are ever perfect for each other. That would just be too unlikely. In a way, we all settle, for the person who completes us best, even if not perfectly. I’ve always had a strong initial attraction to wild, unconventional women but it never lasts. My current partner/wife of 25+ years is a mature, sensible, compassionate, responsible, honest woman who shares my values. It doesn’t get much better than that for me.
I do remember a quote from someone though that has stuck with me and believe it has some truth. My quote might be off but I think it is, “Most of the unhappiness in life comes not from expecting too much but from settling for too little.” If anyone knows who said it, I’d appreciate knowing.
Very insightful.
But I don't believe its about "perfection" vs. flaws. I believe its about what you want vs. what you don't.
For instance, if you want a chocolate chip cookie and take a peanut butter cookie instead, you are settling. Doesn't mean a chocolate chip cookie could ever be "perfect for you" or even good for you. What's good for you is a whole different topic. I'm talking about settling for less than what you want.
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