What can I do to not be turned on by shallow things during sex? (calling, friend)
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Yes I do feel like crap for making her feel that way when it was not my intention!
Oh, I ask her what she wants, and I do what she likes. Not sure if I should get into specifics, but she likes it when I kiss her all up and down her back and legs, and....
It doesn't matter.
You are not sexually compatible. She should not be crying when you have sex.
Because you have a specific thing you want, you will have to keep looking until you find someone compatible. Or go to Asia, like that other poster recommends for every male these days LOL.
Just reading through this thread is soooo depressing. Sex sounds like a complete downer with you and FOR you. Just stop! Is ANYONE having any fun here at all? I'm serious.
You only like one thing and after all these months you're still not satisfied with all she's doing to meet your needs - and she's even crying about it? How does that make you feel? Because you SHOULD feel like schit. What exactly are you doing for her?
I was thinking about it, and maybe I do. I've been trying to get my gf to get more into it for a while, but she is always too shy and she keeps telling me just doesn't have enough confidence, but she is trying to do what I like to get me aroused.
But I don't want to push her too much though, cause the last couple of times, I tried to get her into it, she started crying, that she couldn't do it, and I don't want to get her self esteem down low because of it, or make her feel insecure about it.
Is there a better way to make her more comfortable with it, or build up her confidence?
If you are pushing to the point where she emotionally broke down, you done pushed too far. You need to back-off and reassess.
You are not going to make her feel comfortable again, ever.
My Dw cannot stand to have her cervix banged around. Once she broke down in tears from the pain, that was it. In her mind, the fear of PIV grew worse with each passing day.
Anything I did to pressure her into being intimate with me, only worked to increase the fear in her mind of that pain again.
I am here to say that is a bad road to travel down.
Okay thanks, I backed off since I made her feel bad the last time, and felt bad and backed off. I talked things over with her. I asked her what she thought about it and she thought if we were sexually incompatible and she said that she is enjoying out dating very much together and wants to work on it still. She says she will get there and that she is happy, and just asks if it's okay if I slowly walk her through it. So is that good?
Okay thanks, I backed off since I made her feel bad the last time, and felt bad and backed off. I talked things over with her. I asked her what she thought about it and she thought if we were sexually incompatible and she said that she is enjoying out dating very much together and wants to work on it still. She says she will get there and that she is happy, and just asks if it's okay if I slowly walk her through it. So is that good?
**sigh**
If she actually said that, then yes, but honestly i think it's too far gone.
At least just let HER initiate it. Don't go to her next time y'all are together and say, "OK so you ready for me to walk you through it?"
Oh yeah, I won't say that at all. It's what she said, and she seems positive about it. She said that she was crying mainly cause of some personal events from her past and childhood that she feels are getting in the way, and that is why she may come off as sexually prudish, she said.
I told her I want to help her work through that too, if there is anything I could do to help. I didn't ask her what the problems were yet, cause I felt like I might be prying and want her to feel better.
Not being into this does not mean that she is prudish. It's unhealthy that she is willing to do things she doesn't want to do to please you. And it will never be enough because you want someone who WANTS to do it.
Oh yeah, I won't say that at all. It's what she said, and she seems positive about it. She said that she was crying mainly cause of some personal events from her past and childhood that she feels are getting in the way, and that is why she may come off as sexually prudish, she said.
I told her I want to help her work through that too, if there is anything I could do to help. I didn't ask her what the problems were yet, cause I felt like I might be prying and want her to feel better.
Okay thanks, just wanted to help if she wanted it.
Why can't I offer help to be nice, without it having to be my job? Does it have to be my job? Why can't I help just cause I want to?
I meant you aren't qualified, that's all. She should see a therapist regarding her childhood trauma and how much of this she is actually comfortable with.
I can't even begin to relate to being asked to be in her position. I can sort of relate to being asked to be a sub. And if someone was pushing me past my limits to the point I was crying, they'd be doing it wrong.
You're not really being a sub because you are telling her what to do. Isn't she supposed to be bossing you? I don't think I really understand your particular desired role.
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