My boyfriend verbally lashes out at me and then blames me for it (marriage, love)
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I don't think the problem here is that he values his video games more than her. People should be able to do things like play video games, watch a game on TV, play their guitar, ride their bike, surf, etc, without it being implied that they value these things over their partner.
I think the problem here is he goes off for no reason and has an incredibly short fuse. And it potentially could even be triggered when he's not playing his games.
This is exactly it. Honestly from an objective standpoint, his reactions are completely out of left field and leave me utterly confused and hurt.
Last night, he turned around from his game and prompted ME. I didn't even try to initiate conversation with him! He tried to ask me something but couldn't hear my RESPONSE to him so I texted him instead but he blew up before I could make a hand motion and point to my phone. (He wears headphones while gaming and the room is long so maybe this clarifies things)
He's had similar outbursts when I couldn't decide what we were going to watch on the T.V. His behavior is not acceptable.
I think the problem here is he goes off for no reason and has an incredibly short fuse. And it potentially could even be triggered when he's not playing his games.
Usually ppl DO have a reason. Rational or not is the question.
We do not know if the OP is testing him by interrupting or if the guy simply assumes that he can enjoy his free time with as little interruption as possible.
I don't think the problem here is that he values his video games more than her. People should be able to do things like play video games, watch a game on TV, play their guitar, ride their bike, surf, etc, without it being implied that they value these things over their partner.
I think the problem here is he goes off for no reason and has an incredibly short fuse. And it potentially could even be triggered when he's not playing his games.
Exactly.
If the OP is irritating him by desturning his concentration (I get it a lot) then he should have what it takes to just calmly tell her what it is that disturbs him.
As for me - she wants to talk to me and have me be attentive. So I do. She is more important.
This is exactly it. Honestly from an objective standpoint, his reactions are completely out of left field and leave me utterly confused and hurt.
Last night, he turned around from his game and prompted ME. I didn't even try to initiate conversation with him! He tried to ask me something but couldn't hear my RESPONSE to him so I texted him instead but he blew up before I could make a hand motion and point to my phone. (He wears headphones while gaming and the room is long so maybe this clarifies things)
He's had similar outbursts when I couldn't decide what we were going to watch on the T.V. His behavior is not acceptable.
No it is not. Time for ultimatums.
The fact that he has changed in the last year is a worry. Has he lost interest? Is there something eating at him? Or maybe he is just a dud? Maybe you two just don't suite each other.
The fact that he has changed in the last year is a worry. Has he lost interest? Is there something eating at him? Or maybe he is just a dud? Maybe you two just don't suite each other.
i actually think he was always the way he was but he became more comfortable in the relationship.
there were small things in the beginning that i noticed, like he has absolutely no patience for anything. Very short fuse for things most people don't sweat at all. he's very easy to upset. he has a tendency to blame others (especially me) for his choices in life. I think he truly has an anger and control issue with abusive tendencies. he needs therapy.
A poster on a different forum recommended the book "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft and the titled immediately stuck out because I ask myself that question on a weekly basis. I just bought it and am excited to read it and find some answers.
My boyfriend and have been dating for nearly ~3 years and I've noticed something about him that I have no explanation for but am also really unhappy with and am not sure what to do.
If my boyfriend is in the middle of something important, or something he's focusing on or pretty much anything he doesn't understand (i.e having to repeat himself) then he becomes very short tempered, angry and lashes out.
For example, tonight he was playing a video game and he turned around to talk to me, but he couldn't hear what I was saying. He become annoyed that he couldn't hear so I texted him. Then when he turned around again I tried pointing at my phone (to signal I had texted him) but he started abruptly shouting "I can't fing hear you, I'm the middle of something. You're so fing annoying." I don't understand why he gets so irate with me but I immediately want to cry. He doesn't seem to see his behavior as an issue and usually just blames me for being angry because his behavior makes me so upset I don't know what to do. His behavior really makes me question my relationship with him because I find it incredibly hurtful, unhelpful, mean spirited and disrespectful. What makes it worse is that we live with friends, and I'm pretty sure they hear him loudly scolding me and it's embarrassing.
Lately I feel sometimes that I should only prompt him when promoted first, so that I won't be yelled at or spoken down to.
My boyfriend usually shows this behavior about 1 time a week on average. It has a pattern of behavior and a lot of it repeats itself. I always ask myself why this is happen and he promises he'll "try to change" but it just happens again and again.
Who cares why he does it? You shouldn't be putting up with it. Leave. There's nothing stopping you.
i actually think he was always the way he was but he became more comfortable in the relationship.
there were small things in the beginning that i noticed, like he has absolutely no patience for anything. Very short fuse for things most people don't sweat at all. he's very easy to upset. he has a tendency to blame others (especially me) for his choices in life. I think he truly has an anger and control issue with abusive tendencies. he needs therapy.
A poster on a different forum recommended the book "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft and the titled immediately stuck out because I ask myself that question on a weekly basis. I just bought it and am excited to read it and find some answers.
Mmm .... Well, I hope that book answers your questions.
Then the question would be whether or not his issues can be dealt with.
i actually think he was always the way he was but he became more comfortable in the relationship.
there were small things in the beginning that i noticed, like he has absolutely no patience for anything. Very short fuse for things most people don't sweat at all. he's very easy to upset. he has a tendency to blame others (especially me) for his choices in life. I think he truly has an anger and control issue with abusive tendencies. he needs therapy.
A poster on a different forum recommended the book "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft and the titled immediately stuck out because I ask myself that question on a weekly basis. I just bought it and am excited to read it and find some answers.
i actually think he was always the way he was but he became more comfortable in the relationship.
there were small things in the beginning that i noticed, like he has absolutely no patience for anything. Very short fuse for things most people don't sweat at all. he's very easy to upset. he has a tendency to blame others (especially me) for his choices in life. I think he truly has an anger and control issue with abusive tendencies. he needs therapy.
A poster on a different forum recommended the book "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft and the titled immediately stuck out because I ask myself that question on a weekly basis. I just bought it and am excited to read it and find some answers.
Regarding the book and the question it asks, do you really care? Is it your job to adjust to this, or to modify his behavior? None of that sounds healthy to me.
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