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I'd like the OP to come back and elaborate his reason why he needs 1-2 years more before marriage. He's already had a couple years. I'm not making any judgement, just asking for more information, state of mind and such.
The reasons why I wouldnt ask is I'm just not ready, I am 28 though and ready to settle down with someone, But my situation currently I can not be.
Firstly my residency in Canada wont be finalized until maybe October.
Secondly I have to go back to AUS for my friends wedding in October and I'd like to maybe hang around until Xmas with family and then return, so thats 2018 done.
Thirdly Id like to learn a trade/go to trade school im leaning towards becoming an electrician.
The reason I wouldnt want to pop that question right now is theres to many unsettled things going on in my life, Id like to focus on getting a good income and stable job first and neither of those can even happen here in Canada unless i get my residency card. She also has school commitments.
And the reason why I said I have a potential escape route ( prob not the best choice of words lol ) Is that if this whole relationship did go upside down which I thought could happen, but defiantly didn't see this coming I was always going back home in October anyways if we were together or not, and yeah for sure if we were together and it was working nicely AND i got residency id come back.
I understand its been nearly 2 years since we met, but for 6-7 months of that she was single and only now did I think we were in a bit of a better place. ( this time last year I wasnt good mentally )
The reasons why I wouldnt ask is I'm just not ready, I am 28 though and ready to settle down with someone, But my situation currently I can not be.
Firstly my residency in Canada wont be finalized until maybe October.
Secondly I have to go back to AUS for my friends wedding in October and I'd like to maybe hang around until Xmas with family and then return, so thats 2018 done.
Thirdly Id like to learn a trade/go to trade school im leaning towards becoming an electrician.
The reason I wouldnt want to pop that question right now is theres to many unsettled things going on in my life, Id like to focus on getting a good income and stable job first and neither of those can even happen here in Canada unless i get my residency card. She also has school commitments.
And the reason why I said I have a potential escape route ( prob not the best choice of words lol ) Is that if this whole relationship did go upside down which I thought could happen, but defiantly didn't see this coming I was always going back home in October anyways if we were together or not, and yeah for sure if we were together and it was working nicely AND i got residency id come back.
I understand its been nearly 2 years since we met, but for 6-7 months of that she was single and only now did I think we were in a bit of a better place. ( this time last year I wasnt good mentally )
You are wise to wait because SO much is NOT settled, and for all practical purposes your relationship is still new. You said you were even too nervous to move to her actual city.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AndyB1989
The reason I didnt move to her city was I was nervous and where I was before was a more comfortable landing for me to set up, I had intentions to move closer to her by July.
Based on what you've told us, you two have only seen each other about 10 months out of the time you have "known" each other.
The reasons why I wouldnt ask is I'm just not ready, I am 28 though and ready to settle down with someone, But my situation currently I can not be.
Thanks for elaborating Andy. Now we all understand your situation better.
You are in a very difficult position and I don't envy you. You are facing some hard choices. When I look at your problems I'm glad I wouldn't trade mine for yours. Except I envy you are so young compared to me. You have your life ahead of you as much as I have my life behind me. Yet we both have more bucking horses to ride in this rodeo we call life!
You have received some excellent advice in this topic. We have all picked it over from every angle. Reading and absorbing the entire topic will be almost difficult as deciding how to handle the options your position offers.
My place in this topic was to help focus some of your options and analyze your situation. But nobody can tell you what to do. That is your job.
I want to wish you the best of luck and I hope you make the best choice. To be honest I don't know what it is, and in fact you are the only person in a position to determine that.
I will appreciate if you update this topic as your situation resolves and tell us all how it worked out for you. You know all of us who participated in this topic are wishing the best for you, and for your woman if it works out that way.
I believe I have nothing further to add to this topic. Good luck!
I read enough of this topic (not much) to believe I have a different take.
She's tired of being single. You're playing checkers and she's playing chess. She just made a power move on you. You've been getting it regularly, and now she's taking it away until you agree to marry her, and with this move she doesn't get to change her mind until your wedding night. She is forcing your hand. Your choice is to get married or bye bye sex. She just made it do or die.
I'm not sure religion really enters into it. That's just her internal state. Maybe she got religion and decided it was sinful to have sex outside of marriage. That does not change what I just said above. She's still making the power move and it doesn't matter what her reasoning is. All that counts is that she is giving you a choice, (1) marriage, or (2) no sex.
So here are two plans for you to choose between:
(1) Get married. If you are going to do it anyway you might as well just please her and do it now.
(2) Call her bluff. Get by with no sex. Maybe she will change her mind, maybe not. Just tell her you are not ready to get married yet. My own opinion is that this is now you flipping the game on her, (1) sex and forget the marriage, or (2) IMO the relationship will probably get weaker and eventually you will go your separate ways.
You are playing a heavy game. I am glad I'm not you.
Here is a third, and IMHO much better plan - kick her (Bible-thumping) butt to the curb, and move on! No need for any preamble, just do it.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
You are wise to wait because SO much is NOT settled, and for all practical purposes your relationship is still new. You said you were even too nervous to move to her actual city.
Based on what you've told us, you two have only seen each other about 10 months out of the time you have "known" each other.
Which is why I’m taking to exception to people getting on the OP for not getting engaged. This for all intents and purposes is a new relationship as far as the face to face aspect goes. He for solid reason hasn’t proposed because they are still getting to really know each other so an engagement makes zero sense here.
But I still think the OP should haul a$& away from this woman because she is manipulating him with religion and playing to his sexual desires.
There is NO reason to get engaged unless you WANT to be engaged.
As the days pass I see this more and more as a power play. It doesn't matter if it's fueled by religion.
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