Divorcing but still living together (date, wife, men, love)
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Divorce is rough. It's just a process you have to work through. It would be much harder to have to live together for an extended period of time while going through a divorce due to financesthan actually physically separating. Get into the spare room as soon as you can. As others have said, stay out of each other's business.
That he is ready to move on before the papers are even filed is a pretty good indication that the marriage is over for him too. Keep it amicable.
Good question. Some, because he told me. One woman in particular he met through an online group (not a dating group.) Others, because he is messaging them on Facebook, and when I walk by, I can see their picture. I do not read his texts or messages. I know some of his texting is not related to this at all, of course.
You sit there and listen to him tell you about them??
Your eyesight must be extremely good.I use FB messages and the associated photo on the text box is very tiny!
You sit there and listen to him tell you about them??
Your eyesight must be extremely good.I use FB messages and the associated photo on the text box is very tiny!
He didn't tell me much about it -- he said that the kids were noticing him messaging someone a lot, so he told me about one of the women, where he met her, etc.
As for the pictures, he messages on his computer and I can see briefly it's a woman, the area to pass by his desk is narrow. I've been trying not to even look at all. I am successful most of the time. The texting/messaging in bed next to me, of course I can't see then, as he's next me me on his phone or iPad. Luckily we have a king bed and there is a lot of room in between. Like I said, I'm sure those times are not all texting women of course.
Anyway, I'm ordering a abed and mattress tonight, so things will be much better after we have separate spaces
My husband and I have been married 13 years. I haven’t been happy for quite some time, and while it’s come up before, I finally decided that I want more and staying together, while easier than leaving in many ways, is not right for me now. We are amicable, thankfully.
Due to various reasons — we have 10 months left on our lease, and housing costs around here make it hard to afford 2 places at once right now — we are still living together until he finds a suitable place . We’re still in the same room, in fact, though I am getting myself a bed and moving into the spare room.
He is texting /messaging several women. Like a lot of the time. Some are friends, some he is interested in. Even though I know he hasn’t done anything, it still kind of bothers me. Is that weird? I guess my feeling is that the papers aren’t even filed yet, so maybe he could wait a little bit?
I’ve never done this before, and being in the same house is pretty awkward in a lot of ways. I am not sure I’m being rationale here, and haven’t said much to him about it.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?
I did it because my husband's lawyer specifically told him not to leave - something about abandonment and maybe not getting an equal cut on the house. Also, the divorce was his idea and a total surprise so I just wanted him to GTH out.
It was a truly miserable 6 months. We slept in different bedrooms obviously. At that point we started paying for a cleaning service, etc. because I couldn't stomach cleaning up after him. We ate separately...did as much separately as possible. I would not advise it for anyone but yeah, it is cheaper.
And good luck getting him to do anything you want unless you can leverage something he wants in the divorce agreement.
My husband and I have been married 13 years. I haven’t been happy for quite some time, and while it’s come up before, I finally decided that I want more and staying together, while easier than leaving in many ways, is not right for me now. We are amicable, thankfully.
Due to various reasons — we have 10 months left on our lease, and housing costs around here make it hard to afford 2 places at once right now — we are still living together until he finds a suitable place . We’re still in the same room, in fact, though I am getting myself a bed and moving into the spare room.
He is texting /messaging several women. Like a lot of the time. Some are friends, some he is interested in. Even though I know he hasn’t done anything, it still kind of bothers me. Is that weird? I guess my feeling is that the papers aren’t even filed yet, so maybe he could wait a little bit?
I’ve never done this before, and being in the same house is pretty awkward in a lot of ways. I am not sure I’m being rationale here, and haven’t said much to him about it.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?
Yes....I went through the same. Once you get into the spare room you should feel more at ease.
People divorcing often fear living single again, might feel they need positive feedback from others of the opposite sex...or feel rejected as the case might be...
he likely is trying to boost his self confidence by contacting numerous females. I agree though, it'd be better overall if he'd wait til separated at least.
It's very awkward but you'll adjust....keep your goals in mind. I just said as little as possible while he lived with me...it took him months to move out and I was so annoyed!
My husband and I have been married 13 years. I haven’t been happy for quite some time, and while it’s come up before, I finally decided that I want more and staying together, while easier than leaving in many ways, is not right for me now. We are amicable, thankfully.
Due to various reasons — we have 10 months left on our lease, and housing costs around here make it hard to afford 2 places at once right now — we are still living together until he finds a suitable place . We’re still in the same room, in fact, though I am getting myself a bed and moving into the spare room.
He is texting /messaging several women. Like a lot of the time. Some are friends, some he is interested in. Even though I know he hasn’t done anything, it still kind of bothers me. Is that weird? I guess my feeling is that the papers aren’t even filed yet, so maybe he could wait a little bit?
I’ve never done this before, and being in the same house is pretty awkward in a lot of ways. I am not sure I’m being rationale here, and haven’t said much to him about it.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?
Yep. bTDT on all fromts. When my ex h and I were in the same house we tried to keep different schedules so we saw each other minimally and had little contact. It was hard though and he was texting and flirting with girls too. Ours was less amicable, as though I had asked for it because of his philandering, he refuaed to think it was a good enough reason and wanted to stay together. Yet he was still flirting. Towards the end he ended up in the hospital because he had gotten beat up by some dude for hitting on his girl. Barf. It will be better when you don’t have to share a space. It was rough, that time. Just do your best to ignore it. Easier said than done I know. It is disrespectful to be indiscreet.
He didn't tell me much about it -- he said that the kids were noticing him messaging someone a lot, so he told me about one of the women, where he met her, etc.
As for the pictures, he messages on his computer and I can see briefly it's a woman, the area to pass by his desk is narrow. I've been trying not to even look at all. I am successful most of the time. The texting/messaging in bed next to me, of course I can't see then, as he's next me me on his phone or iPad. Luckily we have a king bed and there is a lot of room in between. Like I said, I'm sure those times are not all texting women of course.
Anyway, I'm ordering a abed and mattress tonight, so things will be much better after we have separate spaces
I feel for you. This is a horrific time for you and your family. I hope these comments help. Be strong, take care of you and your children....You will get through this, and you will be able to take deep breathes one day soon!
You mentioned kids in your last post....Sad situation, made even worse by his actions imo.
Shame on him.....He could at least wait until you are both settled....in separate places, and the kids have been emotionally looked after.....parents divorcing is a horrific situation for kids.....I don't care how amicable it is....it destroys their world as they know it. To see Dad texting and carrying on with other women enough that they notice is being totally irresponsible to those children.
Because he is so blatantly doing this in front of the kids. Bad enough not caring about your feelings..... I think he is being a total jerk to you....and a destructive self centered parent for behaving this way when you and your children are all still forced to live together. I would even consider this emotional abuse.
I believe that you should be in a family therapy program, even if he won't go....take your kids and find some support group or counseling even while you are still under the same roof....for your children's sake. That is what you should be doing at this time....getting your kids as many coping skills and as used to the eventual transition of living separate as possible.
I only listed a couple links....there are so many more. Your poor children are being dealt a double whammy....please research this....You may want to rethink allowing him to stay in the same house which seems more about doing him a favor, if he is doing something so hurtful to your kids.
How is he taking it OP? Is he asking you to change your mind or anything?
I'm currently in the same boat, but I'm in the other room. I tried to be amicable, but it didn't work out. We no longer carpool, eat meals or do anything together.
You need to have a word with him about the impact on the kids. It's bad enough you're still living in the same house, but to let them see Daddy chasing women online (because that's what it looks like) is just wrong. Neither of you should be dating right now, for their sake. But he at least needs to be more discrete and considerate.
Have you seen a lawyer yet? Because you're not really separated, live in the same house, and aren't divorced. Sure sounds like "married" to me.
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