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I’ve been married to my husband for less than a year and I’ve already lost respect for him as a man, a father and as a husband. I don’t know what to do.
He quit his job a few years ago to start his own business. We were just dating then but I supported him completely. He seemed like he knew what he was doing. He had all these grand plans and ideas. He made me believe in him, he made me believe he was going to actually achieve something. My mistake was falling for it.
He doesn’t do anything to find clients. In the 3 years since he started doing this, he’s had 2 clients. One was a friend and the other was my coworker. But again, he kept talking about his plans and I was made to believe he was really successful. I didn’t know just how bad it was until after we got married. When I had to see him everyday, I saw just how much time he’s wasting.
We also have a 6 month old baby. I have a full time job, so I drop and pick up our child from daycare before/after work. Then I come home and make dinner, play the baby and put him to sleep, do chores. If there is a deadline, I have to work late. And I feel so brunt out. I feel so exhausted and like the entire weight of the household is on my shoulders.
What does my husband do all day? He sleeps in, eats leftover, play on his phone, watch tv until I come home from work. And I am so resentful. I’m beginning to hate him. Whenever I have to do chores and work late and see him watching tv, I hate him a little bit more.
When I t ll him to get a job or do something, he just tells me about his business and how tired he is. Our son isn’t sleeping through the night yet so we both end up waking up when he cries. Our house is tiny. He tells me I’m not supportive of his dreams and how he doesn’t want to make money for someone else.
I am paying for 75% of our expenses. I make well over 6 figures, but between mortgage, bills, daycare, I’m not saving much. I feel such pressure. I don’t know what we would do if I lost my job.
If it wasn’t for the baby, I would divorce him. But it’s not so easy when I have to consider our son. But I also can’t live like this. I don’t know what to do. I’m too embarrassed/ashamed to talk to my family and friends. I’m too embarrassed to admit my husband does nothing all day and that he doesn’t want to do anything. I can’t continue to support him when he refuses to help out financially or watch the baby or do chores or anything.
I’ve been married to my husband for less than a year and I’ve already lost respect for him as a man, a father and as a husband. I don’t know what to do.
He quit his job a few years ago to start his own business. We were just dating then but I supported him completely. He seemed like he knew what he was doing. He had all these grand plans and ideas. He made me believe in him, he made me believe he was going to actually achieve something. My mistake was falling for it.
He doesn’t do anything to find clients. In the 3 years since he started doing this, he’s had 2 clients. One was a friend and the other was my coworker. But again, he kept talking about his plans and I was made to believe he was really successful. I didn’t know just how bad it was until after we got married. When I had to see him everyday, I saw just how much time he’s wasting.
We also have a 6 month old baby. I have a full time job, so I drop and pick up our child from daycare before/after work. Then I come home and make dinner, play the baby and put him to sleep, do chores. If there is a deadline, I have to work late. And I feel so brunt out. I feel so exhausted and like the entire weight of the household is on my shoulders.
What does my husband do all day? He sleeps in, eats leftover, play on his phone, watch tv until I come home from work. And I am so resentful. I’m beginning to hate him. Whenever I have to do chores and work late and see him watching tv, I hate him a little bit more.
When I t ll him to get a job or do something, he just tells me about his business and how tired he is. Our son isn’t sleeping through the night yet so we both end up waking up when he cries. Our house is tiny. He tells me I’m not supportive of his dreams and how he doesn’t want to make money for someone else.
I am paying for 75% of our expenses. I make well over 6 figures, but between mortgage, bills, daycare, I’m not saving much. I feel such pressure. I don’t know what we would do if I lost my job.
If it wasn’t for the baby, I would divorce him. But it’s not so easy when I have to consider our son. But I also can’t live like this. I don’t know what to do. I’m too embarrassed/ashamed to talk to my family and friends. I’m too embarrassed to admit my husband does nothing all day and that he doesn’t want to do anything. I can’t continue to support him when he refuses to help out financially or watch the baby or do chores or anything.
Any advice???
Have you told your husband these things ^^^, how you feel?
It's exhausting caring for two babies. I know I haven't heard his side, but I'm probably right. If he's not working he should be taking care of most kid stuff. Maybe watching his son instead of paying for daycare. Would be a start.
Have you told your husband these things ^^^, how you feel?
Ive tried to talk to him but he always seems to turn it around on me. He tells me that i knew what i was signing up since he started working for himself before we got married. And that is true. But we also had seperate finances during that time. Now that we are one household, im learning the truth. That he isnt doing what he talked about and frankly he is lazy.
It's exhausting caring for two babies. I know I haven't heard his side, but I'm probably right. If he's not working he should be taking care of most kid stuff. Maybe watching his son instead of paying for daycare. Would be a start.
This was the plan. But qhen i was on maternity leave, it was easy to tell he has no interest in spending all day with our son. He woukd hand our son to me whenever he got fussy. We made the decision to use daycare instead. But it is expensive, for fulltime care, we're paying almost the same as our mortage.
Ive tried to talk to him but he always seems to turn it around on me. He tells me that i knew what i was signing up since he started working for himself before we got married. And that is true. But we also had seperate finances during that time. Now that we are one household, im learning the truth. That he isnt doing what he talked about and frankly he is lazy.
Just because someone is an entrepreneur doesn't mean they will be a successful entrepreneur.
So ... it's time to have a sit-down.
Sure, you knew what you were signing up for AT THE TIME, but times have changed. You now have a child, and your husband frankly has not kept up with the changes in your household.
A marriage is reciprocal. One person cannot and SHOULD NOT have to do it all. Time for him to step up. Change has to happen, and he can choose which kind of change he wants.
Do tell your husband how you feel. Tell him you cannot go on this way. If he says you knew what you were getting into, say "not really" - that you didn't know he didn't have a rock-solid plan to succeed.
I would definitely go to marriage counseling and see if there is a way you can save your marriage (and it would probably involve him giving up his dream and finding a job). You should establish what the problem is early in the therapy so you don't waste a lot of time.
I would also definitely use birth control.
You might be a single parent soon, but it doesn't sound like your life would change much and you do have a family to support you.
Do NOT make a decision based on the child. They are VERY adaptive, and quite honestly, the father has no involvement at present anyhow, so what would your son miss?
Go to a shelter and speak with a counselor. Develop a plan. Don't speak with your husband about it. If you decide to stay in the house and he is to be removed, the courts/law will deal with that. If you want to leave and sell the house as part of the settlement, do so.
Time to go. Hubby is a lazy bones with no intention of giving up the gravy train. Just curious what kind of business he 'started' which has had two clients and no future?
P.S. I have my own business. Work at least 12 hours per day. Hard, but successful. You can't do it sitting around, feeding your face, playing games, and sucking off your spouse. You have to work VERY hard, be VERY frugal, and dedicate your life to making it work...and there are always challenges.
I’ve been married to my husband for less than a year and I’ve already lost respect for him as a man, a father and as a husband. I don’t know what to do.
He quit his job a few years ago to start his own business. We were just dating then but I supported him completely. He seemed like he knew what he was doing. He had all these grand plans and ideas. He made me believe in him, he made me believe he was going to actually achieve something. My mistake was falling for it.
He doesn’t do anything to find clients. In the 3 years since he started doing this, he’s had 2 clients. One was a friend and the other was my coworker. But again, he kept talking about his plans and I was made to believe he was really successful. I didn’t know just how bad it was until after we got married. When I had to see him everyday, I saw just how much time he’s wasting.
We also have a 6 month old baby. I have a full time job, so I drop and pick up our child from daycare before/after work. Then I come home and make dinner, play the baby and put him to sleep, do chores. If there is a deadline, I have to work late. And I feel so brunt out. I feel so exhausted and like the entire weight of the household is on my shoulders.
What does my husband do all day? He sleeps in, eats leftover, play on his phone, watch tv until I come home from work. And I am so resentful. I’m beginning to hate him. Whenever I have to do chores and work late and see him watching tv, I hate him a little bit more.
When I t ll him to get a job or do something, he just tells me about his business and how tired he is. Our son isn’t sleeping through the night yet so we both end up waking up when he cries. Our house is tiny. He tells me I’m not supportive of his dreams and how he doesn’t want to make money for someone else.
I am paying for 75% of our expenses. I make well over 6 figures, but between mortgage, bills, daycare, I’m not saving much. I feel such pressure. I don’t know what we would do if I lost my job.
If it wasn’t for the baby, I would divorce him. But it’s not so easy when I have to consider our son. But I also can’t live like this. I don’t know what to do. I’m too embarrassed/ashamed to talk to my family and friends. I’m too embarrassed to admit my husband does nothing all day and that he doesn’t want to do anything. I can’t continue to support him when he refuses to help out financially or watch the baby or do chores or anything.
Any advice???
You first need to put your pride aside and stop being ashamed. It would help to have people to talk about your situation, and not letting all this stress build up inside. I would not be sugar coating anything for him or about him, I would let my family and close friends know what I have to deal with. Perhaps they have some advice to share that could help the both of you. He is the one who need to be ashamed, and maybe if everybody knows how trifling he is, he might finally get off his butt. And on the other hand, sounds like you fell in love with his idea of what could be instead of the guy. You need to explain to him in detail just like you have done here on how you feel and the stress. Don't fall for his you don't support me crap, just tell him no, I don't support you not supporting the household financially. Tell him he needs to find something to do soon, or this isn't going to last much longer. People are eventually going to figure out what is going on, they will put two and two together, I wouldn't be hiding anything about how sorry he is. Don't be living a lie or pretending to everybody that everything is all well, when it isn't.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 06-29-2018 at 01:33 PM..
Reason: Fixed technical glitch in quote.
Go to a shelter and speak with a counselor. Develop a plan. Don't speak with your husband about it. If you decide to stay in the house and he is to be removed, the courts/law will deal with that. If you want to leave and sell the house as part of the settlement, do so.
To be fair, it doesn't sound like he's being abusive, so not sure a shelter is necessary. But you're right that advice on making a plan would be helpful.
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