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- so all the dudes suggesting just don't date someone with kids, are either too young, or too narrow minded to make that a hard rule.
This ^^^ is absolutely correct.
Anyone writing off a parent as undateable is inexperienced in life. There are plenty of people out there who have children who are good people that are fun to be around. If someone is too scared to even get to know a parent before writing them off, then they WILL be alone.
It's not all "babymama drama."
At the same time, there are some things decent parents won't do, and I gotta be honest with you this woman is treading into that territory. She may need to accept the fact that she is in one of those seasons of life where dating/romance is not gonna happen for her.
Anyone writing off a parent as undateable is inexperienced in life. There are plenty of people out there who have children who are good people that are fun to be around. If someone is too scared to even get to know a parent before writing them off, then they WILL be alone.
It's not all "babymama drama."
At the same time, there are some things decent parents won't do, and I gotta be honest with you this woman is treading into that territory. She may need to accept the fact that she is in one of those seasons of life where dating/romance is not gonna happen for her.
I agree, I don't just focus on all the drama. I happen to really like kids, and realize if I'm not having my own, I wouldn't mind one being in the picture at all. The ex is something I hoped in this case wouldn't be an issue. I do think they're both in the stages of figuring it out, and working out some of the ugly stuff. The stress is probably just too much for her now. I'm giving her space and time to see if she can get some of this worked out and things calm down. I think she's worth it. It sucks, but I'll just do my best to keep myself busy with my interests.
I agree, I don't just focus on all the drama. I happen to really like kids, and realize if I'm not having my own, I wouldn't mind one being in the picture at all. The ex is something I hoped in this case wouldn't be an issue. I do think they're both in the stages of figuring it out, and working out some of the ugly stuff. The stress is probably just too much for her now. I'm giving her space and time to see if she can get some of this worked out and things calm down. I think she's worth it. It sucks, but I'll just do my best to keep myself busy with my interests.
What makes her worth it?
The time you are spending keeping yourself "busy" you could be "getting busy" with another Woman who has a simpler life and is more available with less drama.
My Father is 55 and obviously doesn't have a problem with Women with kids, having 2 kids himself. But considering I am in my early 30's he is not going to entertain Women with small children where the Father of the child is in the background causing a ruckus. He has been there done that and is too old to be getting into street fights with Ex-BFs and Ex-Husbands.
Plus once this child grows up will he/she inherit the mental instability of the Father? Sorry you need to think practically about this and not emotionally. Are you willing to deal with the Baby Daddy running up in the house unannounced, the cops being called and relatives getting involved in your business. I mean if you were a family friend from the beginning or something that is one thing - But your life could become unnecessarily complicated REALLY FAST.
My advice? Cut it off now. (No Sex, no nothing!!!)
You'd be surprised. There are quite a few women out there, at 40 with no kids. Many never were interested in having kids. Some haven't met the right guy. Others have been busy going to school, getting advanced degrees, then getting established in a career. IDK if this is difficult for some people to believe, but it actually IS possible to go through 25 of one's childbearing years, without giving birth. lol. It's really not that hard.
Yep. Some of us were widowed young. We didn't have kids because we never wanted to have kids.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackSwan
Yes, that's not a huge number is it - so chances are I will have to deal with some "baby momma drama" if I'm being realistic. Not to mention of that 14.4% that don't have children...what other issues do they have?? I can tell you from experience at that age, a lot of them have their own issues (ptsd, bad relationship with family, personality disorders, addictions, etc etc). Finding a partner with no kids, no drama, no past traumas, probably narrows that down to about 5% - so all the dudes suggesting just don't date someone with kids, are either too young, or too narrow minded to make that a hard rule. There's always being alone.
I'm a member of that possible "5%" you mention as are several friends that I have. Some of us were widowed, some divorced. Several have no kids or their kids are long out on their own. There is not a single item your list surrounded by parentheses that is part of my life or ever was. I think one of the reasons why folks do not meet people in my age/job/parental status group is that there might be many who do not engage in online dating.
The time you are spending keeping yourself "busy" you could be "getting busy" with another Woman who has a simpler life and is more available with less drama.
My Father is 55 and obviously doesn't have a problem with Women with kids, having 2 kids himself. But considering I am in my early 30's he is not going to entertain Women with small children where the Father of the child is in the background causing a ruckus. He has been there done that and is too old to be getting into street fights with Ex-BFs and Ex-Husbands.
Plus once this child grows up will he/she inherit the mental instability of the Father? Sorry you need to think practically about this and not emotionally. Are you willing to deal with the Baby Daddy running up in the house unannounced, the cops being called and relatives getting involved in your business. I mean if you were a family friend from the beginning or something that is one thing - But your life could become unnecessarily complicated REALLY FAST.
My advice? Cut it off now. (No Sex, no nothing!!!)
I'm attracted to her, she's treated me very well, easy going, similar interests, she's responsible and stable, she's loving and an excellent mother, thoughtful, she's very understanding etc. You can't judge a person for when they're at their worse, and she's got some serious **** going on now. I think she's worth it because I do believe this is stress related and up until now, I could've foreseen marriage down the line.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cleasach
Yep. Some of us were widowed young. We didn't have kids because we never wanted to have kids.
I'm a member of that possible "5%" you mention as are several friends that I have. Some of us were widowed, some divorced. Several have no kids or their kids are long out on their own. There is not a single item your list surrounded by parentheses that is part of my life or ever was. I think one of the reasons why folks do not meet people in my age/job/parental status group is that there might be many who do not engage in online dating.
Well, you're in the category of Unicorn, lol. My last experience being in a relationship with someone without a kid was all the things in those parentheses. It was hell and I paid for it. I've dated since and most have some issue, the last one was about 10 years younger, no kids, but basically an alcoholic. Or I date some and just wasn't feeling it. I'm not giving up on this one yet.
Yes, that's not a huge number is it - so chances are I will have to deal with some "baby momma drama" if I'm being realistic. Not to mention of that 14.4% that don't have children...what other issues do they have?? I can tell you from experience at that age, a lot of them have their own issues (ptsd, bad relationship with family, personality disorders, addictions, etc etc). Finding a partner with no kids, no drama, no past traumas, probably narrows that down to about 5% - so all the dudes suggesting just don't date someone with kids, are either too young, or too narrow minded to make that a hard rule.
I had no idea I was such a unicorn. I'll have to tell my husband.
I'm attracted to her, she's treated me very well, easy going, similar interests, she's responsible and stable, she's loving and an excellent mother, thoughtful, she's very understanding etc. You can't judge a person for when they're at their worse, and she's got some serious **** going on now. I think she's worth it because I do believe this is stress related and up until now, I could've foreseen marriage down the line.
Responsible - Would be Choosing a non-Bi-Polar Man to be the Father of her children
Stable - Would be coming to you long after she has resolved these issues with said Bi-polar Baby Daddy and has sufficiently defined boundaries with him. Most times this doesn't happen until the child turns 12 and then the child becomes the demon middle man in the relationship. The headache just never ends.
Loving and Excellent Mother - Part of being a great Mom is CHOOSING THE RIGHT FATHER
My mother and father did not work out. However, unlike today's divorces it was not because they chose irresponsible partner. It was because their personality was not compatible long term. They were fine parents just not compatible for each other in the long run I guess.
Today's splits are dumb stuff. Like "I got tired of him farting in bed at night" or "She just got too crazy", "My mother in law was too much". This is stuff you could have determined long before you got married OR had kids. My Dad actually knew my Grandmother before he even met my Mother. That is how it was back then. Now you have just random hook-ups, oops baby and then meet the relatives after the child was born. Order of operations is all wrong and people wonder why this society is nuts and falling apart.
I wouldn't say unwanted, unplanned yes, but accidents happen. She could've got an abortion, but they both wanted the baby.
Even though they were on the verge of breaking up. #Bad Judgment #Instant Gratification #Financial Suicide.
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