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You cannot win if you do not risk. You put yourself out there and expecting 100% success is just unrealistic. Win some, lose some. If you ask 10 women out and get 3 dates, that's already a great result, don't you think?
BTW, I think it is awesome that you try. I am tired of all the whiners here complaining they never get laid - but they do nothing to change that.
Yeah I understand the mindset of complaining. I'm a tall black male who works out and has a good career. Thing is I know not everyone is going to receive me how I think I should be. This can be difficult for me to digest since I'm a warm person by nature and I think I can be thin skinned at times. I'm a work in progress
It's hard not to take it personal. What helped me was taking on the perspective that you're not going to be compatible with most people and that's okay.
This is an important perspective to have.
Down to basics, you are approaching a stranger and expecting something from them. They are not obligated to comply simply because that's what you want. You don't know them, they don't know you, so just because you're not getting your way, is no reason to question your value or pin your self-worth on whether or not a stranger wants to accommodate your desires.
Approaching a stranger, you also have no idea anything about their life, whether they're single, dating, engaged, married, straight, gay, not from around here, don't speak English, just lost their job, their mom is dying, someone just backed into their car in the parking lot, they're tired, in a bad mood, in a hurry, etc. Anything can be a reason they're not interested, and none of it necessarily has anything to do with you.
Rejection sucks. However asking a stranger a question and not getting the outcome you want is a far cry from a rejection by someone you were invested in. It's all about perspective.
Ive learned to deal with the meaning "no" (rejection) at a very young age. I find complaining/dwelling about it will get you nowhere closer to actually getting what you want in life.
Life is full of "no's". I feel empathy for people who struggle accepting it and moving on.
Look, you're gonna get a lot of "No"s before you get a "Yes". Deal with it. All of us have been rejected at one time or another in our lives.
When I was doing the OLD sites, I got a crapload of No's. I did get an occasional Yes and with those, maybe 3 or 4 had evolved into successful dates - the other...maybe 15 or 20 resulted in women ghosting or no chemistry.
I think the best way to handle rejection is to re-frame your worldview so that a rejection isn't a rejection. It's just incompatible individuals, in one way or another.
Don’t think about her or you focus on interests art music dance are wonderful points of common interest take classes but without the intention of hookup
You feel the sting. You give a little thought and you tell yourself that there are other fish in the sea and try to not take it personal.
In order words you feel the appropriate feelings and you check yourself when you feel yourself dwelling on it and you move on and in short amount of time you won't care nearly as much at what they may or may not have said or the fact that they moved on.
There isn't a magical pill or set of steps laid out in some fashion to help you get over it. A little time does wonders.
If you’re getting constantly rejected then the biggest issue is that you’re approaching women who obviously have no interest in you. Meaning they never gave you any signals that they were interested. Cold approaching without signals being shown by the woman first have very low success rates for men. If they don’t show any signals of interest then you’re usually setting yourself up for failure by approaching in the first place. If you don’t get very many signals from women then you need to work on yourself (body physique, grooming, dress/style, and overall look) and you’ll notice more women throwing signals at you to approach.
Of course if you’re one of the many guys who doesn’t want to improve yourself then the other option is to approach 100 women and get 4-5 who are actually interested.
Get rejected more so you can practice shaking it off. I know it sounds strange, but I think the more you deal with it, the more you get used to coping with it. When I was job hunting this past year, I was beating myself every time I got a rejection. But the more rejections I got, or didn't get for that matter, it became less cumbersome. I learned to shake them off, and get back on my horse quicker.
This is not true at all and dating is not like job hunting. Personal rejection by someone you admire hurts deeply and is a massive shot to the pride and confidence, no amount of rejection is normal to “get used to.” If they’re rude about it, it hurts even more.
The solution here is to “just keep swimming.” Keep trying to find someone to date through dating apps, clubs, bars, and social gatherings. “Getting rejected more” isn’t going to change anything. Clearly the OP needs to change his entire approach. Perhaps some self improvement like a change of clothing style, hairstyle, or going to the gym.
My suggestion: stick to online dating apps until you understand what you’re doing wrong, the rejections hurts a little less because it’s online
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeusAV
If you’re getting constantly rejected then the biggest issue is that you’re approaching women who obviously have no interest in you. Meaning they never gave you any signals that they were interested. Cold approaching without signals being shown by the woman first have very low success rates for men. If they don’t show any signals of interest then you’re usually setting yourself up for failure by approaching in the first place. If you don’t get very many signals from women then you need to work on yourself (body physique, grooming, dress/style, and overall look) and you’ll notice more women throwing signals at you to approach.
Of course if you’re one of the many guys who doesn’t want to improve yourself then the other option is to approach 100 women and get 4-5 who are actually interested.
Thing is I have success. I've had sex last week and went on two dates with different women. Thing is sometimes I dwell on the ones that reject me and take it as though they think they are 'better' than me.
I'm an extrovert by nature so there's always a risk of me putting myself out there and people not receiving well. I think I'm great but some others may think "meh". I do accept being polarizing though.
When you’re not interested in a woman, is it because you think you’re better than her? Maybe sometimes, but not always. But whatever your reasons are for not being interested in someone, women are allowed to reject you for those same reasons (and other ones too). I understand that rejection doesn’t feel great, but you can’t control what other people think.
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