Would you rather date someone way more attractive than you or date someone while you being the highly attractive one?

[Sydney123]

Originally Posted by JerZ

Well, in general, obviously people take a lot of different things into account. CD-R doesn't really represent the general population, I've found.

Thank the Lord!

[grad_student200]

Originally Posted by ExpatAZ

So in other words, would you rather be physically more attractive than your partner or vise versa?

I feel like I always have to be the better looking individual in a relationship or else i’d let my insecurities ruin the relationship somehow. You’d always feel like your partner has more options than you and can leave anytime they want.

When you’re the more attractive one there’s a sense of more control, and you can “use your powers for good” and actually be loyal and comfort your partner to trust your commitment. (The ones who use their power for bad are the players/heart breakers).

I wish there was someway the mods can double post this in the psychology forum but I rather keep it here because i rather the get relationship thread advice perspective from my thesis. Maybe in 48 hours the mods can move this to the psychology forums so I can gain their perspective aswell without spamming a duplication thread.

To the relationship thread: discuss the advantages and disadvantage of being the highly more attractive one vs vise versa

To the psychology forum: is there any research on experiments like this in humans? And is it normal for me to feel this way of “having” to be the more attractive one in a relationship?

Oh, and i’m 27 years young if that matter. Maybe you wiser ones with experience can somehow foreshadow what to expect in the rest of my twenties and thirties. My theory is that 27 is still too young for the majority to be mature and doesn’t know what they want.

Do you mean "attractive" macroscopically or also inclusive of microscopic lab work?

I studied public health with a heavy emphasis on population statistics. A lot of people who are considered "attractive" with a "huge amount of high-caliber, top-social-status dating experience" don't even know they have an STD.

Take Charlie Sheen in his prime - he had women's plethora of attention. Now, he has HIV.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6FAAAyC-HE

There is also the reality of aging. A lot of former HS and college classmates from the 80s who were considered "hot" back then now look like someone's grandparent - 80s teen vanity gone forever. Even the teens from the late 1990s are now middle-aged. Time takes no prisoners on "attractiveness".

[Lovehound]

Originally Posted by JerZ

Well, in general, obviously people take a lot of different things into account. CD-R doesn't really represent the general population, I've found.

I sure hope not. I don't know any general people so I have nothing to compare CD-R with.

[Sonic_Spork]

Originally Posted by Lovehound

Why do we have to be so looks-centric?

It's definitely more important to some people, than to others.

I am aware that objectively, I am better looking to more eyeballs-of-other-humans, than my boyfriend is. Not talking about how I see him, but how other people do. It isn't just about looks either but the superficial stuff that makes a first impression. He has some social awkwardness, he acts excessively formal and a bit stiff around people he doesn't know and feel comfortable with. And in noisy rooms full of chatter or music, he doesn't always hear very clearly. I, on the other hand, am a stark raging extrovert, get along with everybody (at least in person, if not on the internets!) and can talk to anyone about nearly anything anywhere anytime. I turn strangers into friendly acquaintances all the time. Many times a week at least. I'm just...more accessible, I guess?

I do think that ease of socialization is a factor (including humor and such) in how "attractive" we perceive others to be. Might be right up there with looks in terms of its importance to people in general.

The differential in general appeal between my partner and I, isn't a matter of being a power or control thing for me, or making me more comfortable. I actually wish more women saw the things I do in him. I am open to polyamory, I'm not a very jealous person in that way, I wish he got more validation because validation feels nice and I like for him to feel nice, whether I am the cause or not.

No, the reason that I am so happy with someone who would be OBJECTIVELY considered less mainstream-attractive by people in general... It's the difference between our priorities. He wanted a woman that he considered "attractive" with a certain body type and a younger age, and he was willing to wait. If he never got that, he preferred to be alone, than to try and settle for someone he did not feel attracted to....that is certainly an option that everyone has...hold to strict standards, risk being alone a long time, or settle. He figured his odds of finding someone who had the look he wanted, the age range he wanted, a compatible personality and interests, and not interested in having kids (he did not want to) who was into him... were slim to none. Surprise! I am his unicorn.

My own priorities are less looks-based. When we met, I was looking for someone to fulfill a particular kink need that I had, and he seemed to be a candidate, and we had some common interests. I remember when we first met, looking at him, and while I did not find him instantly arousing to behold, I could imaging being intimate with him, with no "ick no" factor going on. So he met my rather broad requirements for appearances. He made me curious with a few things he'd said. I was willing to give him the time, to see if things went in a positive or negative direction with him. And he grew on me. Eventually quite a lot. Now I look at him, and he looks like the sexiest thing I've ever laid eyes on.

I am every bit as into him, as he is into me. It's just that what excited him about me in the very beginning, may have been different than what excited me about him.