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70 miles. That's "relatively nearby" for where I live.
Edit: Wait, the one in the OP, or the other girl I described from a few weeks ago? The one in the OP lives 70 miles. My failed coffee date lives 130 miles away.
The failed coffee date doesn't matter anymore.
I was trying to evaluate the practicality of your starting something with this woman.
I understand your desire to "capitalize" on what you see as an opportunity here, but I do think you need to tread very carefully here.
I would gear down a bit. Resist the urge to do anything on Facebook for now. Don't make her regret friending you. Just be VERY patient, and every once in a while like something she posts. I would not ask her out.
I honestly would wait until you see her at another professional event, and spend some time with her there. Try to see if she wants to get coffee (or lunch or dinner afterward) there. Don't just ask her out cold via Facebook.
Did you meet this woman in professional circumstances, as well? She may have wanted to network, not date.
No. The last one was purely social. Still through mutual friends, with three in-person meetings (and we will no doubt meet again in the future with those mutual friends).
Stop asking women for "coffee", and ask them on a real DATE. Dinner, then some activity afterwards. Museums, shows, party at friends, ice skating. Anything. If you have confidence issues it comes through, especially with the coffee thing. The worst thing she can do is say no to a date, but at least you know.
Why dinner? Why would a first date be dinner? Why not an afternoon museum date, then stopping somewhere for a snack, appetizers, anything? Or getting together to go gallery-hopping, or to enjoy an outdoor craft fair, or whatever?
OK, now that does seem odd. You'll just have to chalk it up as a flakey person, or whatever. Don't let it reflect on you. Write it off. Keep on truckin'!
Updated the story a little bit, FYI. I'm trying, and I've been really trying to work on the feedback I've gotten from these boards. If I gave off red flags to her unintentionally, and she bolted because of them, it wouldn't be the first time. It WOULD be NEW RED FLAGS because I've worked to eliminate those that I was throwing out in previous attempts with other women.
But my mindset in anything has always been: The only person I can fault is myself. That's the only person I can control, so let's work on fixing me. So when something like this happens, I analyze every thing I've done to see where I made mistakes. I'm just so bad at dating that I often can't SEE mistakes that I make.
So, I sat down at her chessboard, clueless, and it naturally went flying across the room. And I'm left wondering once again what piece I moved the wrong way.
Anyways, all off-topic. She's done. If you think slow-play is a valid strategy in this new match, okay.
Why dinner? Why would a first date be dinner? Why not an afternoon museum date, then stopping somewhere for a snack, appetizers, anything? Or getting together to go gallery-hopping, or to enjoy an outdoor craft fair, or whatever?
Doesn't have to be dinner, but something beyond the expectations of a 15, or 20 minute coffee meet. Just "Coffee" can mean you just want to be friends, and not pursue anything romantic.
Met a woman briefly in a professional setting about six weeks ago, just long enough to introduce ourselves. I didn't think I'd see her again any time soon (different city), so I didn't take it any further than that. Ran into her again recently at another event. We apparently share some mutual friends, who she was with. I reintroduced myself to her and chatted a bit. I think she's very attractive and she wasn't wearing a ring. She was friendly but didn't seem to give me any signs of interest (not that I've had a lot of success reading THOSE correctly).
But, pretty late last night she friended me on Facebook. I know, doesn't necessarily mean much. But she lives relatively close, works in the same general field, is very attractive, and seems like we share some commonality judging by her Facebook page. She's single. I'd like to get to know her better. I don't get opportunities like this very often, and I'd like to ask her out. But, it's unlikely I'm going to run into her again in person for a long while (next year), so it'll have to be done over Facebook.
So, how do I best go about asking her out? Be direct? Try to start a casual conversation with her first (I know she'd probably see through that)? Go for a friends type deal and see if I can get to know her better that way? Try to feel her out through our mutual friends?
Looking for any recommendations, I have not had success at this in the past.
My recommendation... I think you could let her know you are interested in getting to know her more and invite her to go somewhere with you... (I don't know, something to that effect)
I honestly would wait until you see her at another professional event, and spend some time with here there. Try to see if she wants to get coffee (or lunch or dinner afterward) there. Don't just ask her out cold via Facebook.
BE patient.
That could be a very long time, or never, if I make the kinds of professional moves that I'm planning to make in the next year.
Doesn't have to be dinner, but something beyond the expectations of a 15, or 20 minute coffee meet. Just "Coffee" can mean you just want to be friends, and not pursue anything romantic.
Coffee isn't necessarily the problem. Plenty of people have first meets over coffee. In the OP's case he's talking about women who live over 70 miles away. I wouldn't drive an hour or so just for coffee with a stranger.
So, I sat down at her chessboard, clueless, and it naturally went flying across the room. And I'm left wondering once again what piece I moved the wrong way.
Anyways, all off-topic. She's done. If you think slow-play is a valid strategy in this new match, okay.
Its not a chess match. That sounds manipulative. It is more like swimming in a pool, blindfolded. lol!
I don't know what you mean by "slow play", but be confident, come to the point, and be honest. It is worse to go too slow, than too fast. Err on the side of being decisive, taking a few risks, and play to your strengths.
That could be a very long time, or never, if I make the kinds of professional moves that I'm planning to make in the next year.
***sigh***
Are those moves going to keep you in the area so that this isn't an exercise in frustration?
OK ... so ... then your choice is to either be patient and cultivate an online "relationship," through subtle but steady FB interaction, or take a huge risk and just ask out this person you've met twice, in a DM, by saying something like, "I enjoyed talking to you at _____ event and was hoping you would want to have dinner sometime at ____ restaurant (in or near her city)."
There's no easy answer here.
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