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Coffee isn't necessarily the problem. Plenty of people have first meets over coffee. In the OP's case he's talking about women who live over 70 miles away. I wouldn't drive an hour or so just for coffee with a stranger.
Well, in the farther one's case, I was going to be in her city anyways that day on other business. (And it's a proper city, not like the little towns or small cities that make up most of my near-bys). She'd started texting me the week before, I thought it was opportune.
In the case of the woman in my OP, you'd have to understand our area. We're both in very small towns. I wouldn't mind driving over to meet her; I wouldn't mind driving to meet her at the small city (pop 100,000) in our area that a lot of people like us go to for entertainment (in fact, that's where I met her this second time). If any of this develops I think it would be fair to take on a "I'll meet you there this weekend, you come over here next weekend" kind of thing. Medium-distance relationships are fairly common around here.
Are those moves going to keep you in the area so that this isn't an exercise in frustration?
They could. I could even stay where I'm at now. Depends on circumstances.
The primary reason I want to move is to get closer to somewhere I can develop a social life out of my interests and hobbies, and that includes a romantic life. But it doesn't mean that I'm locked into doing so if something were to develop where I'm at now, and it doesn't mean that I'm closing myself off to local opportunities like this in the meantime.
If nothing else, if I was to date her, it would be good to get some experience at the whole thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
OK ... so ... then your choice is to either be patient and cultivate an online "relationship," through subtle but steady FB interaction, or take a huge risk and just ask out this person you've met twice, in a DM, by saying something like, "I enjoyed talking to you at _____ event and was hoping you would want to have dinner sometime at ____ restaurant (in or near her city)."
There's no easy answer here.
No, no easy answer. And in this case, if I were to take the dive and be direct, I wouldn't be worried about the rejection as much as I would about looking sleazy and disrespectful to our mutual friends.
Edit: For what it's worth, I've also tried the direct route with another woman earlier this year...didn't work either.
Stop asking women for "coffee", and ask them on a real DATE.
I was advised by one of our mutual friends to try to get to know her better first. He said that she gets asked on dates all the time, sometimes it makes her uncomfortable.
I was advised by one of our mutual friends to try to get to know her better first. He said that she gets asked on dates all the time, sometimes it makes her uncomfortable.
Maybe she's TOO good looking? Is she a bit conceited?
Maybe she's TOO good looking? Is she a bit conceited?
Conceited? I don't know her well enough to say. Too good looking? Definite possibility (there's an oxymoron for you). She's the second-prettiest girl I've ever tried to ask out. I actually first met her several years ago, and wrote myself right out of her league then. After another get-together in the last year one of our friends seemed to drop a hint that she might be interested. That's when I started the slow approach on Facebook, but even then I honestly wouldn't have asked her to coffee if she hadn't increased the intensity of the chats and given me her number. Those seemed like pretty good signals to me; guess not.
Conceited? I don't know her well enough to say. Too good looking? Definite possibility (there's an oxymoron for you). She's the second-prettiest girl I've ever tried to ask out. I actually first met her several years ago, and wrote myself right out of her league then. After another get-together in the last year one of our friends seemed to drop a hint that she might be interested. That's when I started the slow approach on Facebook, but even then I honestly wouldn't have asked her to coffee if she hadn't increased the intensity of the chats and given me her number. Those seemed like pretty good signals to me; guess not.
Are you talking about the coffee date woman again??
Not sure, but I think pilot was referring to this new woman.
Are you talking about the coffee date woman again??
Not sure, but I think pilot was referring to this new woman.
Yeah, coffee date woman. I don't think he was, that's why he mentioned coffee specifically.
The only reason I brought her into this thread is...I've tried the slow way, but it didn't work. But I've also tried the direct way, earlier this year with another woman (edit: actually two other women), and it didn't work either.
Are you talking about the coffee date woman again??
Not sure, but I think pilot was referring to this new woman.
I'm confused also. My point was that maybe she's too popular, and doesn't really want more attention because of her looks. I'm not saying he shouldn't ask out good looking women, but sometimes their looks can be a double edged sword, and sometimes it isn't. It all depends on the individual, and that is why it is nice to get to know someone a bit prior to dating, but that isn't always possible.
Yeah, coffee date woman. I don't think he was, that's why he mentioned coffee specifically.
He only referred to coffee in terms of dating, not her specifically. Hopefully he will return and clarify.
Quote:
Originally Posted by At Arms Length
The only reason I brought her into this thread is...I've tried the slow way, but it didn't work. But I've also tried the direct way, earlier this year with another woman (edit: actually two other women), and it didn't work either.
The thing is ... Trying "the slow way" once doesn't mean it will never work with anyone. And vice versa.
You have to view each person individually and just do your best to read a situation and do what you think works accordingly.
People are unique, and they will respond accordingly. You can't just shoot darts at a board and hope for the best. You have to know yourself, be confident, and use your best judgment.
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