Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-10-2018, 09:02 AM
 
Location: SoCal
14,530 posts, read 20,249,063 times
Reputation: 10551

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
It's hard to read your post the way it's written and understand exactly what's going on, but you two have to have a sit-down and hash this out, and if you can't work it out together you should try counseling.
I couldn't understand the OP with my coffee deprived brain. Maybe after a few cups of coffee...

Your advice sounds good for a lot of these types of situations irrespective of the actual details.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-10-2018, 09:03 AM
 
88 posts, read 53,678 times
Reputation: 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
The OP's post is vague and difficult to understand. Could you just tell us what happened exactly?
Just below the original post I went into detail
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2018, 09:05 AM
 
Location: SoCal
14,530 posts, read 20,249,063 times
Reputation: 10551
Your posting would be better if you edit out the extraneous stuff and tell us what you want, what you really, really want. Perhaps be more succinct and leave out non-essential details like dates, etc.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2018, 09:08 AM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,716 posts, read 35,258,094 times
Reputation: 74270
Quote:
Originally Posted by rosegoldflower View Post
Yeah I literally did so much effortlessly, I realized my mistake and while it can't be undone, I definitely can show how I plan on being in the future by how I behave now which is easy for me because to me mistake was so minor that it didn't take extreme internal effort to change.

Last week my ex found me on social media and dm'ed me. I told my SO to be open with him about what was going on. He didn't seem bothered at first he just asked what I planned on doing. I said I'll either leave the message unopened or on seen, but that my ex was definitely getting blocked. I ended up leaving the message on seen (something my SO prefer me to) without my SOs input. I showed him I did and everything seemed fine after. Two days later he said he was upset because I insinuated that I would leave the message unopened because for him leaving it on open sends a better message to ex's and random guys who may message me. I told my SO that I felt opening the message from this particular person may prompt him to write me again because they know I saw the message and I was trying to avoid that (SO has seen with his own eyes that this person is like this). But I opened it anyway because its what SO would prefer and instead of being okay he got upset because I said I may not open it. He always preaches he cares more of my actions than words, but I'm not confused because he's not upset with my words and said it's not that you did what I expected of you, I'm upset that you said this.

Do you see my confusion?

Ok, so I think this is a red flag. It seems like he will keep you in a no-win situation no matter what you do.

So what are you gonna do?
__________________
____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2018, 09:10 AM
 
9,952 posts, read 6,767,706 times
Reputation: 19673
OP, I still don’t understand what happened but it sounds like you were only a few weeks into a relationship when you “transgressed” and did whatever it was that he found so horrible. I don’t know what mistake you can make that early into a relationship. You barely even know each other at that point and it certainly doesn’t sound like you cheated. It sounds like you just need to move on, to be honest.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2018, 09:25 AM
 
Location: SoCal
14,530 posts, read 20,249,063 times
Reputation: 10551
Jesus says to forgive. He often gives (gave) good advice.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2018, 09:29 AM
 
1,734 posts, read 1,211,571 times
Reputation: 9516
Why you are putting up with his behavior a year and a half later is the question.

He's not going to change. It's a way to control you and it's working out great. For him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2018, 09:34 AM
 
88 posts, read 53,678 times
Reputation: 51
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict View Post
OP, I still don’t understand what happened but it sounds like you were only a few weeks into a relationship when you “transgressed” and did whatever it was that he found so horrible. I don’t know what mistake you can make that early into a relationship. You barely even know each other at that point and it certainly doesn’t sound like you cheated. It sounds like you just need to move on, to be honest.
Well he asked me not to do something that I did anyway (I'm a very aloof and oblivious person at times) and "lied" about doing it. I didn't cheat and he agrees. When I realized I really made the mistake I made it my duty to show that I'm not a bad person. It didn't take much to correct my behavior because my action was minor to me and took little effort to correct because I realized he wasn't asking much, but I realized I needed to be more attentive to his needs, which I have been and no matter how much I show him that he throws it in my face. We'd only been together for a little over a month after the situation occurred but were head over heels for each other and I still am for him. It's just that he doesn't trust me now and feels as though I can't be the person he fell for. I try explaining that people make mistakes but it does't take a way from who they are. I'm still caring, fun, etc.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2018, 09:39 AM
Status: "This too shall pass. But possibly, like a kidney stone." (set 23 days ago)
 
36,123 posts, read 18,402,328 times
Reputation: 51198
Rosegold, this is the relationship your SO wants. He wants to have ALL the power, and you have none.

If he hadn't caught you in whatever that lie was, he'd find something else to make himself the power holder, and you the groveler.

Yuck. Show this one the door!

(He's not attempting to forgive you, and never will).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2018, 09:41 AM
 
1,734 posts, read 1,211,571 times
Reputation: 9516
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovehound View Post
Jesus says to forgive. He often gives (gave) good advice.
When the boyfriend stops by for advice, maybe you can sic Jesus on him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 03:53 PM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top