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What you describe sounds almost exactly like a date I went on a few weeks ago. If you want the male perspective, the post-date breakdown starts around page 6 of this thread:
You did not feel the sparks, you did not find him attractive enough
Why bother with a 2nd date? You will be misleading him
No need to reach out to him..if he reaches out to you, then just be direct and say "You had a good time but not the right match"
I have to admit yes there's no sparks from my side and perhaps he felt the same...
Yes I won't contact him, but it would be still great to stay like friends with this guy. Being direct is good, perhaps I can tell him that in person, I'm sure he would take it easily--- I don't think he's that into me.
I think this is where it REALLY helps to know yourself. And everyone is different. For example, are you the type of person who can develop attraction for someone with time, or are you the type of person who needs to have the sparks fly from the get go? Depending on which type of person you are, you can determine what your next move should be.
I don't have many experiences with dating and guys but I know normally I know I can develop feelings for a guy in our first meeting.
Like I said, I had met this guy before we had our first date. After meeting him for the first time I never had a thought about him... Because I knew that there's no sparks. So when he asked me out I was like ah ok... Maybe I should give it a try. And still there was nothing. I think if we will meet again I will just be frank with him and say let's be friends.
That happens, it's happened to me a few times. I can usually tell after the first date whether to continue on to second date or not, and if it's not there the first date I don't pursue any further. The few times I have done a second date, I usually regretted it and wondered why I just didn't go with my gut instinct. You can't force something that isn't there.
Yes you can't force yourself to have feelings for someone. The reason that I don't mind meeting him again is it's a good idea to be friends with him. I mean, some dates are just dates... But sometimes they could be your friend as well, right?
I don't have many experiences with dating and guys but I know normally I know I can develop feelings for a guy in our first meeting.
Like I said, I had met this guy before we had our first date. After meeting him for the first time I never had a thought about him... Because I knew that there's no sparks. So when he asked me out I was like ah ok... Maybe I should give it a try. And still there was nothing. I think if we will meet again I will just be frank with him and say let's be friends.
A week has gone by and you haven't heard anything further. Just carry on, the same way you did after you first met and didn't give any further thought to him.
I agree with the guy who posted they just know if it will work. I’m that same way.
Actually, give me 5 minutes and I could tell you if we would work. It’s a gift, DONT ask. Hahaha!
Of course, I get along with everyone (another gift) so over my years of experience you have to read a person.
Everyone gets a second job interview so maybe a second date can confirm a yay or nay.
I wouldn't use the word "attract", he seems like a very rational person, perhaps he just wanted to give it a try to see if there could be something between us. So I'm sure he would be cool with it if I said let's just be friends when we meet next time (IF we would meet).
Seems like you are very lucky to have these two gifts... Don't waste them many people need these kinds of instincts.
Going through the same thing myself. Had a first date with someone two weeks ago and it was the best date I've been on in a long time. We had dinner near the beach, walked on the beach for awhile and then played miniature golf. He is funny but shorter than he said in his profile and about 30-50 pounds heavier than I care for although in his profile he said he was average. I guess these days being 50 pounds overweight is average. We've been out 3 or 4 times but I don't feel anything as far as sparks at all. I was widowed in 2010, been on many dates, had two short term relationships but even then there was little in the way of sparks. While I rarely think about my late husband anymore, we had sparks like fireworks on Independence Day. Maybe I'm expecting too much at 63 years old? Does passion die after a certain age?
Hi Chiluvr, thank you for your reply. No, I don't think passion dies after a certain age, I've read plenty of news talking about people finding their true love again at 70 or something.
I would say, keep on dating, but take it easy --- just imagine you're having fun with a new friend whenever you're having a first date. The date you had two weeks ago sounds pretty nice though, maybe lack of physical attraction was one of the reasons that it didn't work. Why not be friends with him? At least he is a nice and funny guy
I'm sorry about your late husband, I'm sure you two had shared wonderful time together!
I will just tell you that my first date with my husband was similar. I did give it another chance, and here we are.
I was a big believer in the "sparks must be there instantly" when I was in my 20s. Like I thought I could tell in the first few minutes. Then I finally realized that mindset was leading me nowhere. Give it a little more time. Sometimes there's a slow burn instead of an instant flame (the kind that typically ends up flaming out).
If it still isn't there, you haven't lost anything.
Thank you Capschick, I guess I should change a bit and try not to decide everything too fast. I still don't have enough experience with guys because I used to be very careful and conservative. This date could be another good lesson to me, next time I should try to show more enthusiasm though, because when we almost finished our date last time I was a bit off and it was obviously that I wasn't interested
90% of the time I feel no chemistry. It's normal. I can't even remember having a "bad" first meet.
It is there, or it isn't. No biggie. I've never in my life have "it" be there later on if it wasn't there on a first meet when I've hung out with them after the first meet (generally because they might become a friend, and many have). This is why its called chemistry. When an agent and reagent are combined, the reaction happens, or it doesn't. It doesn't happen sometimes, and not others under STP.
I was just worried that maybe something was wrong with me, or maybe I still compared this guy to another guy in my older post unconsciously. That's pretty bad... Because another guy was not a good man.
Maybe you are trying too hard to "look" for Mr Right? Meeting people and dating just allows you to sample different people. Not everyone is a match for everyone else.
This guy meets most of my standards and the date was a nice one, however, I still felt nothing at all, I was just wondering if it's normal, or it's just me...
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many people need these kinds of instincts.
