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I guess this kind of topic is common here, if you've seen a similar post, please let me know, thank you.
I went out with a guy last Saturday. He was very nice to me and tried to keep the conversations going all the time. He was considerate as well, inviting me to a nice little local restaurant, noticing my needs during the dinner, paying for everything etc(I suggested that we should have split the bill but he refused), taking me to another nice Irish bar for music and so on He tried to find our common habits and asked me questions. He tried to tell me as many funny stories as he could just to make me laugh. When I mentioned something about myself, he tried to find some similar experiences of his. I like his personality. He's cute, very very smart (even smarter than "my dream guy" in my another post), well educated, talented as well....
However, I just couldn't feel the sparks. There was NOTHING. I was trying too, I asked him many questions and shared things about me with him, I paid attention on his stories and encouraged him to share more...(I promise, I wasn't thinking about the "dream guy" during the date)
Overall it was nice, but it was the same feeling like I was having a friendly talk with my 60 years old neighbor.
When we said goodbye, he hugged me in a very gentle way and I still felt nothing. I sent a message to him first just to express my appreciation for a good Saturday night, he replied immediately, I didn't reply back, and that's all.
I don't know what's wrong with me, after our date I have been thinking about him for the whole week, not because I miss him, i am just wondering what happened--- why couldn't I feel anything?
Do you have similar experiences like this? What did you do after that, did you still keep in contact with him/her? I still feel that I need to meet him again because he paid for the dinner and I should treat him something as well, I don't want to take advantage of him.
Sorry, one more question: should I contact him first for another date? And if there's still nothing, can I tell him that let's just be friends?
Last edited by lostlincoln; 11-16-2018 at 05:43 PM..
Do you have similar experiences like this? What did you do after that, did you still keep in contact with him/her? I still feel that I need to meet him again because he paid for the dinner and I should treat him something as well, I don't want to take advantage of him.
There is no harm on going on a 2nd or 3rd date. If you felt "nothing" then that's likely due to something else being on your mind something about him that bothered you.
It seems like you're over analyzing the situation. Go on a 2nd and 3rd date, if you still feel "nothing" then move on.
Me personally, I would give it another shot. I have this problem too. For me though, I have come to realize those “instant sparks” aren’t everything. Guys get nervous, and a first conversation with a stranger might be a bit rocky. And a normal nice guy will be less “instant attraction” than a player for example.
Try a hike or something more fun. Check out a brewery. Make the next date something you’re genuinely excited to do. Spend a solid chunk of time with him and see how you feel after that. I’d say after 2-3 dates it’s fair to part ways if you’re still not feeling anything, if the conversation is flat and boring or if you’re not attracted to him physically, but give him a fair chance first.
As far as another date, I’d let him contact you since you’re kind of lukewarm. If you seem eager, he may think you’re really into him.
Did you two have any interests in common? Did you find any new topics relating to his interests interesting? If there's any potential there for more conversation, I vote for giving him another try.
He sounds very refreshing, OP, compared to all the guys who talk about themselves or or their profoundly earth-shattering opinions of all ad sundry in the world, for the whole date. Someone who's thoughtful, who shows interest in you, and is smart? Sounds worth a 2nd date, to me. Unless somehow he comes across dull, IDK.
Also, most men when they offer to pay, do so as a kind and polite gesture. You should NEVER feel like you owe them anything in return, apart from a kind smile and a sincere thank you.
That being said, sometimes guys are great on paper but just aren't good matches for certain personalities. I would wait for him to ask you out, and give him another chance.
I guess this kind of topic is common here, if you've seen a similar post, please let me know, thank you.
I went out with a guy last Saturday. He was very nice to me and tried to keep the conversations going all the time. He was considerate as well, inviting me to a nice little local restaurant, noticing my needs during the dinner, paying for everything etc(I suggested that we should have split the bill but he refused), taking me to another nice Irish bar for music and so on He tried to find our common habits and asked me questions. He tried to tell me as many funny stories as he could just to make me laugh. When I mentioned something about myself, he tried to find some similar experiences of his. I like his personality. He's cute, very very smart (even smarter than "my dream guy" in my another post), well educated, talented as well....
However, I just couldn't feel the sparks. There was NOTHING. I was trying too, I asked him many questions and shared things about me with him, I paid attention on his stories and encouraged him to share more...(I promise, I wasn't thinking about the "dream guy" during the date)
Overall it was nice, but it was the same feeling like I was having a friendly talk with my 60 years old neighbor.
When we said goodbye, he hugged me in a very gentle way and I still felt nothing. I sent a message to him first just to express my appreciation for a good Saturday night, he replied immediately, I didn't reply back, and that's all.
I don't know what's wrong with me, after our date I have been thinking about him for the whole week, not because I miss him, i am just wondering what happened--- why couldn't I feel anything?
Do you have similar experiences like this? What did you do after that, did you still keep in contact with him/her? I still feel that I need to meet him again because he paid for the dinner and I should treat him something as well, I don't want to take advantage of him.
Sorry, one more question: should I contact him first for another date? And if there's still nothing, can I tell him that let's just be friends?
This is something that I've experienced. I usually give the man another chance if the lack of initial chemistry is the only thing that was "off" about the first block of time that we'd spent together. Three dates is generally enough time for me to tell if things might go somewhere. If I'm not feeling anything, I let them know and we either become friends or go our separate ways. Ghosting someone is unkind at best.
As a matter of fact, I went through the very thing that you're going through several months ago. I decided to give my date another opportunity to spend time with me (and I with him). We're still seeing one another nearly six months later. Sometimes, it take time for potential chemistry/sparks to catch up with compatibility. A slow burn is better than a fast spark followed by a fizzle--at least it often has been for me.
If he asks if you'd like to meet up again, go for it. What do you have to lose except a few hours of your time and perhaps a few dollars on treating him to a meal?
I guess this kind of topic is common here, if you've seen a similar post, please let me know, thank you.
I went out with a guy last Saturday. He was very nice to me and tried to keep the conversations going all the time. He was considerate as well, inviting me to a nice little local restaurant, noticing my needs during the dinner, paying for everything etc(I suggested that we should have split the bill but he refused), taking me to another nice Irish bar for music and so on He tried to find our common habits and asked me questions. He tried to tell me as many funny stories as he could just to make me laugh. When I mentioned something about myself, he tried to find some similar experiences of his. I like his personality. He's cute, very very smart (even smarter than "my dream guy" in my another post), well educated, talented as well....
However, I just couldn't feel the sparks. There was NOTHING. I was trying too, I asked him many questions and shared things about me with him, I paid attention on his stories and encouraged him to share more...(I promise, I wasn't thinking about the "dream guy" during the date)
Overall it was nice, but it was the same feeling like I was having a friendly talk with my 60 years old neighbor.
When we said goodbye, he hugged me in a very gentle way and I still felt nothing. I sent a message to him first just to express my appreciation for a good Saturday night, he replied immediately, I didn't reply back, and that's all.
I don't know what's wrong with me, after our date I have been thinking about him for the whole week, not because I miss him, i am just wondering what happened--- why couldn't I feel anything?
Do you have similar experiences like this? What did you do after that, did you still keep in contact with him/her? I still feel that I need to meet him again because he paid for the dinner and I should treat him something as well, I don't want to take advantage of him.
Sorry, one more question: should I contact him first for another date? And if there's still nothing, can I tell him that let's just be friends?
Totally get it, 100%.
This past few months have been the mixed signals people.
For example, I posted a few months ago about a mixed signals guy. Anyway its been several months, and we are still in touch. And I have actually spent a good amount of time with him 1:1 and in a group. And while on paper he is basically awesome. And I have a great time with him, I have no desire to date this guy.
And I spent some time thinking about it. Because I had to know If the burgeoning friendship was "honest" for me. Did I want to be friends because I thought he was cute? Nope. But I did want to be is friend hoping he has other friends like him lol.
I recently met another guy - and another weird signals person. Do not know what is in the air. Anyway, I met the guy at a singles party. Talked to him for a few minutes. He asked for my number. I gave it to him. The next day he contacts me and is like "you seem really cool, I want to be a friend!" I was neutral on him, so I was like whatever. And then after that message he proceeds to text every morning, want to have phone calls etc, etc. He sent me pictures of him working out, at the beach. All sorts of weird stuff. We eventually went to the movies. And while the conversation was good, he is a great fit on paper, I literally felt nothing. It was like meh.
Not saying we are actually friends, but he is on the frequent text list as he always sends stuff - jokes, good morning blah blah blah.
Anyway this was a long winded way to say, even though someone seems like a great fit there is no guarantee of chemistry. You can try to go on one more date if you want. But your feelings may be spot on right now and there is no spark.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,701 posts, read 41,783,055 times
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Don’t waste y’alls time by going on another date when you know you don’t feel anything. People crap on me all the time about my one and done policy on dates when I don’t feel anything but I think it is the most merciful to do when I don’t feel anything.
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