worst line you've ever gotten from someone who just wasn't that into you (marry, men)
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"Unless you marry a pastor or a preacher or someone involved in the church, all men will cheat. You just need to accept it and move on."
Talking to a dude about relationships.
Those are the first dudes I would suspect of cheating.
Those are the first dudes I would suspect of cheating.
Exactly! I was 11 years younger than him and he was trying to get me to believe it would be okay to mess around even though he technically had a girlfriend. I told him I felt sorry for her since she didn't know that he was a cheater. He said she was happy and well taken care of. I was like uhhhhh....but it's all a lie. She's happy cuz she thinks you are faithful. Then a whole discussion about how monogamy isn't natural and a historical and cultural perspective of polygamous relationships. BTW he is a history high school teacher.
Those are the first dudes I would suspect of cheating.
@Petunia 100 - actually, Blueluce needn't not put all men into that category bc my feeling is, when you have steak at home, there's no reason to want or go out roaming for hamburger.
This sounds like polyamory. Which is basically a politically correct way for naturally desirable men to have sex with multiple women. All while the women are either none the wiser or embrace the lifestyle.
Ridiculous. In most poly relationships I know of, at least the ones that started out as monogamous couples and then "opened" the relationship, the woman initiated it and the woman has much greater and easier success finding other partners. Women none the wiser is not poly, it's cheating. Stop talking like you know things about subjects when you don't.
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Originally Posted by buildings_and_bridges
Maybe he said he didn't believe in monogamy, but then went on to be monogamous with someone else. Just didn't have it in him to tell the poster he didn't want to be together...or maybe a the time he really believed monogamy wasn't for him.
This is what I was thinking, the last part, might have been the case. It applies both to me, and to the first boyfriend of my former poly group. We didn't believe we wanted anything to do with monogamy, but when a partner so perfect for us came along who was a surprisingly great fit for all of our needs, we were ok with closing these relationships and being monogamous. He married his amazing lady last fall, and I plan to marry my wonderful man in a few years. Not something either of us thought we'd ever do, but here we are.
Trying to think about my answer to this question...
It's all things that this one guy said to me.
"You need to understand, I live alone, but I am not a lonely man."
"You seem to have needs. I suggest you find someone else to meet them." (I took him up on that, actually.)
"It's weird, it's like...I feel like I can only invite you over for sex to reward myself if I've really been achieving great things in my life. If I don't feel like I deserve it, I can't enjoy it." (WTF?)
It would have been SO much simpler if he'd said something like, "I'm just not really that into you, don't feel we are truly compatible, we had good times, but now I'm done. Wish ya luck!" At least that wouldn't leave my brain spinning trying to make sense of his bizarre statements. Frickin weirdo.
@Petunia 100 - actually, Blueluce needn't not put all men into that category bc my feeling is, when you have steak at home, there's no reason to want or go out roaming for hamburger.
Ridiculous. In most poly relationships I know of, at least the ones that started out as monogamous couples and then "opened" the relationship, the woman initiated it and the woman has much greater and easier success finding other partners. Women none the wiser is not poly, it's cheating. Stop talking like you know things about subjects when you don't.
Mea culpa! Looks like I misspoke, after confusing polygamy (dishonest) with polyamory (mutual agreement). But even so, polyamory is basically soft harems for the most part. Don't get me wrong: polyamory has its place, and if people want to practice it, more power to them. But if it gets widespread enough, it'll be a return to the pre-civilized society, before socially enforced monogamy was implemented. We'll have 20%-er men having tons of sex, 80%-er men working hard to keep society running smoothly, and women enjoying the best of both worlds. Some of the most attractive 80%-ers can hope to join a multi-man polyamory arrangement or let a non-polyamorous woman settle down with them; the rest will have no choice but to pound sand.
If you look at Western civilization today, a song lyric comes to mind: "Whoa-oh, we're halfway there." And no living on a prayer can help us.
@ BlueLuce - regardless, it's just the way I feel that if a man has steak at home, there's no need to want or go out roaming for hamburger. That analogy may be a bit corny but....
This is what I was thinking, the last part, might have been the case. It applies both to me, and to the first boyfriend of my former poly group. We didn't believe we wanted anything to do with monogamy, but when a partner so perfect for us came along who was a surprisingly great fit for all of our needs, we were ok with closing these relationships and being monogamous. He married his amazing lady last fall, and I plan to marry my wonderful man in a few years. Not something either of us thought we'd ever do, but here we are.
No offense, but I'm really having a hard time buying into the part where how poly's all of a sudden go monogamous and vice-versa. I figured these types stuck this kind of lifestyle indefinitely, yes? It's like when a college student keeps changing majors.
I dunno, I know a poly lady in my board game group, because she told me when I was trying to get to know her. I told her, "Well, I"m a one-woman man". Apparently, she was an influence on a married woman that cheated on her husband this past year.
He told me that his wife had taken up the lifestyle, so I'm guessing she rationalized her cheating and was transitioning into polyamory? I asked about said woman (not his wife, the other) what's her story, is she available? He goes,
"Well, if you're into dating women who is not into long term commitments, then have at it, if not...then don't. That's the reason me and my wife divorced"
You mean if I would try to date her exclusively, it wouldn't fly, but perhaps if I stuck around long enough with her, she'd eventually become my long time, monogamous partner. Just like that, switch gears on a dime? As a monogamous man myself, if I decide to take the leap and marry a poly woman, and then ask her...while she's with me, not to be with other men...or would that be unreasonable to ask a poly woman this?
Even typing this hurt my brain, and with that, I figure, "Why complicate my life?"
To be honest, I think some monogamous people are using polyamory as a wolves-in-sheep's clothing tactic to sleep around. Sometimes I see it not different than a player sleeping around.
NOT saying you're like that Sonic, but I'm going off the woman you quoted regarding some excuse a man she dated gave her into having a woman on the side while dating her. Basically put... rationalizing. That basically "everybody cheats" and then made reference to those that partake in polyamory.
I guess there's a fine line between the two? But the only difference is, both parties are in agreement with sleeping with others.
I hear how some women who claim to be "bi-sexual", but really aren't, but just experimenting, irritate the true bi-sexuals. The posers.
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after confusing polygamy (dishonest) with polyamory (mutual agreement)
Also, if someone was a true polyamory...wouldn't they remain consistent throughout...including marrying multiple people (polygamy?) Of course it's illegal with the exception of one state, but you can get the picture.
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Don't get me wrong: polyamory has its place, and if people want to practice it, more power to them. But if it gets widespread enough, it'll be a return to the pre-civilized society, before socially enforced monogamy was implemented
Two words: Roman Empire
Last edited by ThisTown123; 12-12-2018 at 05:13 AM..
To be honest, I think some monogamous people are using polyamory as a wolves-in-sheep's clothing tactic to sleep around. Sometimes I see it not different than a player sleeping around.
NOT saying you're like that Sonic, but I'm going off the woman you quoted regarding some excuse a man she dated gave her into having a woman on the side while dating her. Basically put... rationalizing. That basically "everybody cheats" and then made reference to those that partake in polyamory.
I guess there's a fine line between the two? But the only difference is, both parties are in agreement with sleeping with others.
...
Two words: Roman Empire
You brought up some interesting points. But you also left something out. There's an important concept: one minute with a naturally desirable man is worth more than one hour with a stable provider. The evolutionary instinct is to find the man with the best genes, even if another woman already found him. Because naturally desirable men make up only 20% of men, this means "sharing". After all, a man is capable of spreading his seed to many women. Which is what polyamory pretty much is: love/sex with multiple people.
I think that's what happened in the Roman Empire. Only the thing getting increasingly concentrated among the elite, to the exclusion of the commoners, wasn't casual sex, but wealth. Soon enough, commoners, knowing they don't stand a chance, stopped caring about being productive members of society. They pretty much dropped out of productivity, wanting bread and circuses and not much else. Basically, the economic equivalent of That Which We Do Not Speak Of.
You brought up some interesting points. But you also left something out. There's an important concept: one minute with a naturally desirable man is worth more than one hour with a stable provider. The evolutionary instinct is to find the man with the best genes, even if another woman already found him. Because naturally desirable men make up only 20% of men, this means "sharing". After all, a man is capable of spreading his seed to many women. Which is what polyamory pretty much is: love/sex with multiple people.
I know what you mean. The thing is...should we, as humans and basically for humanity sake, separate ourselves from the animals in these regards?
Me...I don't think I based my choices in women via evolutionary means...ie..per your reference to having multiple partners.
Are there 2 kinds of people? Those who act on biological/evolutionary impulses, vs...those who do not?
Are the more brainy, less brawny guys counted out of the running if we're basing it off this? I think now being intelligent is even being made fun of by some.
No joke, I have a 50-something single friend that mentioned that he'll NEVER get a vasectomy...because he is preparing, just in case, for society to fall...so at least his seed will be spread.
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