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I have seen that several times here people expressing their frustrations getting invalidated with the 'get help' thing.
You may be able to get help for ADD ADHD anxiety depression bipolar the list goes on but the mental health industry does not give a crap if your lonely. The DSM has no billing code for lonely.
But all the disorders you listed can make dating or friendships difficult. I think therapy is usually advised here with good intentions, and while my opinion doesn't matter, typically when I think therapy is a good idea. I think some posters have more faith in it than I do, or maybe more accurately they have faith that therapy is likely to lead to dramatic changes, if those are needed and desired. More realistically, therapy helps people cope with most of the same crap they went to therapy in the hope of never experiencing again. That crap is still going to happen at times. More often than not therapy works to help people feel less discontent with their crap, which puts them in a better place to make changes. And then use their new coping skills again when the changes are a challenge.
Therapy makes the do-rinse-repeat process that is so much a part of life more acceptable and less distressing, which in turn opens up possibilities.
As an example, there are men here who feel like they can't handle one more rejection. I think their intuition may be good. I think advice to "just do it" can be bad for people who are really hurting. Therapy can help that guy slow down, gain a little perspective, and then with that new perspective and a little rest try dating again. And the perspective may be something like noticing that a lot of things are more tolerable in actuality than they seem in our imagination. Or he may learn that the stuff he says to himself or does after he gets rejected is 50% of the bad experience he calls rejection. If he doesn't do those things, maybe the actual rejection is still unpleasant, but now tolerable.
And when rejection is seen as unpleasant but tolerable, he takes that risk with more of a calm, attractive demeanor.
They have a deep seated fear of finding out that they are part of the problem.
They know it but they rebel against the idea they are the whole problem.
This validation of something that can't be changed is important but I have to go offline been on WAY to long but keep talking to me and you will discover I have a lot of experience in this. I went to it then worked in the field.
Honestly, I feel kind of funny anytime I talk about this or am actually honest about my feelings regarding this issue. I think it is partly because people tend to give me the “love yourself,” “you never know when the perfect guy is coming,” “it just isn’t your time yet” speech which inevitably makes me feel like my feelings are invalid. https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-the...lp-loneliness/
Why are Americans so lonely? Massive study finds nearly half of US feels alone, young adults most of all lonelyness epidemic - Google Search
“The business of psychiatry is to provide society with excuses disguised as diagnoses, and with coercions justified as treatments.” - Thomas Szasz, 1920-2012.
Therapists do what they are trained to do and most will do everything they can to help you but they are going to do it around the framework of what they have been taught. "The business of psychiatry is to provide society with excuses disguised as diagnoses" This is very true.
I know from experience what they do and it won't include validating the truth that our society is broken, selfish pit of consumerism narcissism ect and very unlikely any talk about the loneliness epidemic that's very real.
The focus will be that YOU are broken and that is not the whole picture. Not even close.
All I know is the people who suggest get help have never gotten help and don't know how it works. Group therapy is where its at with loneliness but the central message will still be that YOU are broken.
Sounds familiar.
"You are the common denomonator..."
"It is not others that needs to change, it is you..."
I agree that society is broken, but guess what. So am I. And I believe that it takes broken individuals to make up a broken society.
And yes, I do see the consumerism and narcissism in society. This is one of the very reasons I recommend building yourself preferably before getting into a relationship.
Also, you are coming to a forum with different mindsets and different experiences. Among those experiences is going to be people who suggest "getting therapy" which I kinda agree is being tossed around liberally, and I am guilty myself. .
Then there are the people who have issues that have "tried it all". There is nothing wrong with them...except they're short...at like 5'10". If only a woman would just "give them a chance", or if they grew taller.
There are some of us that have overcome so much or have made peace with the hand life has dealt us, and some of us like to believe that there is a solution...for those that want it.
But for people that just want to throw a pity party, you're not going to get that many participants or any sympathy if that is what you are looking for. Even I have my limits when it comes to pity, especially when the issue is obvious but the person is not willing to look at things for what it is (I'm not talking about anyone in particular on this forum. I'm referencing someone in my personal life outside the internet).
I understand it is a tough crowd, this is one of the reasons I rarely create my own threads. I got tons of issues that will make you feel like a normal functioning citizen if you ever hear them.
But the fact of the matter is, this is the world we got, we have to live in it. That goes for you. If you want to change the world, it starts with you. Then you have to think about the type of world you want to see, then work on a game plan to gain an influence and exert it.
It's okay to recognize the world for what it is. As a matter of fact, you should. Afterwards, you have to find a way to either live with it or attempt to change it. Sitting around and complaining and moaning about it is not going to do anything in your favor.
Don't think I don't know what it's like to be lonely. I was lonely all throughout the first 25 or so years of my life. I was more often surrounded by people who were against me than I was alone. Once I broke free of that, I realized it was better to be alone than in bad company.
But if you're just looking for an echo chamber, I hate to break it to you, but you're not going to find it here.
I wonder what you base this on, this dude aside. I find people who are resistant to trying what might be helpful are often self sabotaging... They have a deep seated fear of finding out that they are part of the problem. It feels better to rage against everyone else.
I wonder why this validation of something that can't be changed is important to you.
I find it VERY hard to believe that you have experience and have concluded this.
I wonder what other issues lurk, that might even be the root of the issue, that leads to the loneliness.
I'm pretty sure that when people go to therapy, they get advice on how to change their own perception, behavior, thought, etc. Nothing on changing anyone else. Some people would take it as a way of saying they are "broken" so to speak.
But really, instead of taking it as you being broken (everyone is broken, I believe), it is more that you can only change yourself and your part.
What exactly are we suppose to do? After a while complaining about it won't help because it just keeps them from facing the real problem. It's like taking a drug....the more you do it, the less it works.
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Originally Posted by somebodynew
What difference does it make to rail against the supposed rest of "the problem" when they are the only ones feeling the pain?
And they are the only ones to have control over themselves to change their own actions and ways of thinking.
I have lots of problems with how the world works. I can't wish it to change or complain about it to make it change. I can only control me, and my actions. Therapy helped me focus my energy into myself. I still try to make positive change in the world, but I can't control it. I can control what I do and how I think.
And they are the only ones to have control over themselves to change their own actions and ways of thinking.
I have lots of problems with how the world works. I can't wish it to change or complain about it to make it change. I can only control me, and my actions. Therapy helped me focus my energy into myself. I still try to make positive change in the world, but I can't control it. I can control what I do and how I think.
No I am not female that was me quoting someone using " " I guess that's false in some cases.
I just got tired of people using "get help" as a passive aggressive insult.
No one used it on me, I just like defending people sometimes.
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