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WHat do you think people do when they give a thumbs up/down, swipe left/right, or yeh/nah? Its no different.... but rather than a scale of 1-10 it is a scale of 0-1.
In fact its worse because people do not fall into a 0 or 10 (0 nor 1). It ignores the fact that people usually fall somewhere in the middle and risks missed opportunities because one already dismissed them with unrealistic expectations based on a very superficial aspect of physical attraction.
Determination of attraction is absolutely a rating in one's mind.... whether your think up or down or a numerical value. As I said, it goes back to how women vs men think (generalization)...... abstract vs intuitive etc...
I'll never be a 10 to anyone... But I'd rather be someone's 6-8 and let them be encouraged to get to know me better and see what I other traits I have to offer than a simple dismissal all together with a thumbs down.
To each their own. If I'm a "no" to someone, I don't need to know why or how much of a "no" I am. I don't want to try to persuade them differently, I don't want to be given a chance.
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To each their own. If I'm a "no" to someone, I don't need to know why or how much of a "no" I am. I don't want to try to persuade them differently, I don't want to be given a chance.
Yeah...I wouldn't want to be rated and judged, and then be TOLD that I was rated and judged. And I'm NOT going to be flattered if some dude decides it's important to tell me that I was rated and judged.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit
WHat do you think people do when they give a thumbs up/down, swipe left/right, or yeh/nah? Its no different.... but rather than a scale of 1-10 it is a scale of 0-1.
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But that's not just on pictures (which are also more than looks, but style, etc) but also profiles with the pics. LOOOOAADS of objectively good looking people get left swiped on for no profile content or unappealing profile content in my life.
Yeah...I wouldn't want to be rated and judged, and then be TOLD that I was rated and judged. And I'm NOT going to be flattered if some dude decides it's important to tell me that I was rated and judged.
So a thumbs down is any less flattering? Its not like guys have score cards that they hold up as ladies walk by.... nor going around saying "Hey you are a 10" and "you are a 6".... well at least not mature guys.
My point is that we all (regardless of gender) rate and judge when we see people prior to knowing much about them. It realliy doesn't matter if the scale is 0 or 1 or 1-10. I surmise a lot of this animosity comes from the old days when women were paraded in front of judges at a beauty contest.... which from where i sit is understandable. The key difference between a person and a contest is that the gauge doesn't need to be (nor should be ) standard across the male population... everyone has their own preferences and aspect they are attracted to...
But that's not just on pictures (which are also more than looks, but style, etc) but also profiles with the pics. LOOOOAADS of objectively good looking people get left swiped on for no profile content or unappealing profile content in my life.
The first thing you do look at is the picture...
Then you think ..... (ie Rate) and look further at profile.
No different. Dating is initially a superficial look at the "cover". It always has been.... there is a multi-billion dollar cosmetic industry built on that notion.
So a thumbs down is any less flattering? Its not like guys have score cards that they hold up as ladies walk by.... nor going around saying "Hey you are a 10" and "you are a 6".... well at least not mature guys.
My point is that we all (regardless of gender) rate and judge when we see people prior to knowing much about them. It realliy doesn't matter if the scale is 0 or 1 or 1-10. I surmise a lot of this animosity comes from the old days when women were paraded in front of judges at a beauty contest.... which from where i sit is understandable.
A thumbs down is relatively easy to accept if one keeps in mind the idea that not everybody is into everybody. I mean, that's fair. I don't want to be with everyone who is into me. I enjoy having the right to some standards and criteria, I can hardly begrudge others that right. Rejection might have made me feel a bit petulant now and then, but one gets over it.
I think that if one experiences an overwhelming amount of disappointment in dating it's going to feel pretty unflattering no matter what form it takes, though. But I would much rather have a guy just say, "Sorry, you're not my type. Best of luck." than explain to me that I am a mere 6 and he fancies himself worthy of 8's. I'd be like, "ohhhh kay, so you're a d-bag then. Nice to know, bullet dodged."
To each their own. If I'm a "no" to someone, I don't need to know why or how much of a "no" I am. I don't want to try to persuade them differently, I don't want to be given a chance.
This is what I also observe and hear from my female friends. It is to "know something immediately without any requirement of thought or reasoning"... ie intuition. Guys are a bit different in their thinking. They are more abstract and look at various aspects of the person's physical beauty and weigh them against each other.
Hence why I said earlier in my observation... women will do a thumbs up or down and men will think in a scale for which most fall in the middle somewhere. It is derived from how women and men think differently and there isn't a good nor bad thing... there is no wrong nor right. Just a different thought process.
A thumbs down is relatively easy to accept if one keeps in mind the idea that not everybody is into everybody. I mean, that's fair. I don't want to be with everyone who is into me. I enjoy having the right to some standards and criteria, I can hardly begrudge others that right. Rejection might have made me feel a bit petulant now and then, but one gets over it.
I think that if one experiences an overwhelming amount of disappointment in dating it's going to feel pretty unflattering no matter what form it takes, though. But I would much rather have a guy just say, "Sorry, you're not my type. Best of luck." than explain to me that I am a mere 6 and he fancies himself worthy of 8's. I'd be like, "ohhhh kay, so you're a d-bag then. Nice to know, bullet dodged."
It is relatively easy to accept only if that is the thought process you adopt naturally Not everyone is wired in the same manner. I'm the type of person that will think and think and rationalize things before making a decision (any decision). So if I were to dismiss a person out of pure intuition or gut feeling, I'd suddenly be thinking over and over again if I missed a wonderful opportunity second guessing myself.
As men, we typically don't have a bunch of women hanging around that wants to be with us .. that simply doesn't happen (assuming a regular guy not celebrity).. so its not like we need to be rejecting women left and right. So if a guy is going to hang around waiting for that "10" to strike up a conversation or try to connect with, he is bound to be waiting for a very long time alone.
Conversely.. how many times do we have guys posting how hard it is to get flat out rejected (thumbs down) without even a chance at a short conversation or a drink? The rejection is a thumbs up / down decision while the guy who is hoping for at least a chance is accepting that he lies somewhere in the middle of a range... Flat out rejection isn't as easy for guys (or anyone) to accept as many ladies think it is.
Again... I see just two different thought processes being explored in dating scene (superficially at first)... not necessarily bad or good... just different.
It is relatively easy to accept only if that is the thought process you adopt naturally Not everyone is wired in the same manner. I'm the type of person that will think and think and rationalize things before making a decision (any decision). So if I were to dismiss a person out of pure intuition or gut feeling, I'd suddenly be thinking over and over again if I missed a wonderful opportunity second guessing myself.
As men, we typically don't have a bunch of women hanging around that wants to be with us either.. that doesn't happens anyways.. so its not like we need to be rejecting women left and right. So if a guy is going to hang around waiting for that "10" to strike up a conversation or try to connect with, he is bound to be waiting for a very long time alone.
Conversely.. how many times do we have guys posting how hard it is to get flat out rejected (thumbs down) without even a chance at a short conversation or a drink? The rejection is a thumbs up / down decision while the guy who is hoping for at least a chance is accepting that he lies somewhere in the middle of a range...
LOL you know what this reminds me of?
Every single nature documentary about like, the plucky little male frogs climbing all over the females or the sneaky, smaller male cuttlefish pretending be a female cuttlefish and sneaking in there to get his breed on, or you know...any of those stories of the male animal underdogs just going for it like "I want my chance!"
Sorry, not trying to be jerky about it, just a random sort of thought reaction, it made me chuckle a bit.
But we have talked somewhere else (forget where exactly) here on the forums about how men just want to get the girl, get a chance, get the start, and then sorta stop trying or assume things will just be fine, after that. And women, well, we're a lot more worried about what the rest of the relationship is gonna be like. We would really rather be alone than be in a bad relationship, and guys be like, "what could possibly go wrong with me getting a pretty woman?" You're not worried she could be completely insane? Nah?
So yeah, I have an extensive filtration system and there are a ton of ways a guy could fail to make it through. But so many DO make the cut to be given a chance that if I gave them all a chance I'd never have any time to live my life. If I know I don't want a stoner, why do I need to give stoners a chance? If I know I don't want a cowboy, why do I need to have a drink with one? He might talk me out of my rejection of him? I don't think so. And the insta-fails weren't because they weren't a "10" on some arbitrary bad to good looks range. It was because there was something about their pic, not even "intuition" or "gut" or what you want to make out as spurious illogical BS female thinking reasons...it was because they showed me something about themselves in that photo, as I explained already, that ruled them out.
Like the male version of the "duck face in the car for some reason and I know if I click her profile it's gonna say something about if I can't handle her at her worst, and also how her kids come FIRST and I better not forget it" like sometimes man, you can just tell. Nope. Thumbs down, guy. Maybe don't wear an Insane Clown Posse hat in your next profile pic, 'cause I am gonna have to decline that Walmart Brand Macaroni and Meth vibe I'm getting from you there.
But hey I am sure those guys think that they are great guys, and that women like me should expend some of our time and energy letting them feed us alcohol and argue their case. As though I had not a thing better to do.
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