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This is what I also observe and hear from my female friends. It is to "know something immediately without any requirement of thought or reasoning"... ie intuition. Guys are a bit different in their thinking. They are more abstract and look at various aspects of the person's physical beauty and weigh them against each other.
Hence why I said earlier in my observation... women will do a thumbs up or down and men will think in a scale for which most fall in the middle somewhere. It is derived from how women and men think differently and there isn't a good nor bad thing... there is no wrong nor right. Just a different thought process.
Watch the whiplash jumping to those types of conclusions.
One could say your response lacked thought and reasoning.
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Every single nature documentary about like, the plucky little male frogs climbing all over the females or the sneaky, smaller male cuttlefish pretending be a female cuttlefish and sneaking in there to get his breed on, or you know...any of those stories of the male animal underdogs just going for it like "I want my chance!"
Sorry, not trying to be jerky about it, just a random sort of thought reaction, it made me chuckle a bit.
But we have talked somewhere else (forget where exactly) here on the forums about how men just want to get the girl, get a chance, get the start, and then sorta stop trying or assume things will just be fine, after that. And women, well, we're a lot more worried about what the rest of the relationship is gonna be like. We would really rather be alone than be in a bad relationship, and guys be like, "what could possibly go wrong with me getting a pretty woman?" You're not worried she could be completely insane? Nah?
So yeah, I have an extensive filtration system and there are a ton of ways a guy could fail to make it through. But so many DO make the cut to be given a chance that if I gave them all a chance I'd never have any time to live my life. If I know I don't want a stoner, why do I need to give stoners a chance? If I know I don't want a cowboy, why do I need to have a drink with one? He might talk me out of my rejection of him? I don't think so. And the insta-fails weren't because they weren't a "10" on some arbitrary bad to good looks range. It was because there was something about their pic, not even "intuition" or "gut" or what you want to make out as spurious illogical BS female thinking reasons...it was because they showed me something about themselves in that photo, as I explained already, that ruled them out.
Like the male version of the "duck face in the car for some reason and I know if I click her profile it's gonna say something about if I can't handle her at her worst, and also how her kids come FIRST and I better not forget it" like sometimes man, you can just tell. Nope. Thumbs down, guy. Maybe don't wear an Insane Clown Posse hat in your next profile pic, 'cause I am gonna have to decline that Walmart Brand Macaroni and Meth vibe I'm getting from you there.
But hey I am sure those guys think that they are great guys, and that women like me should expend some of our time and energy letting them feed us alcohol and argue their case. As though I had not a thing better to do.
There are many studies on how women and men approach problems differently towards solutions. Intuition is often the best course of action when not all of the factors are known... the same types that are bound to see details that would otherwise be missed whether they realize it or not. I wouldn't knock on people who rely on their intuition... it again.. is just a different thought process.
Your experience is precisely the why men don't necessarily need to be rejecting women left and right like ladies, such as yourself, need to do. It is what it is... its a game. Men need to play a little differently... and approach dating with a different thought process.
Watch the whiplash jumping to those types of conclusions.
One could say your response lacked thought and reasoning.
Intuition is defined in those words. It is also a valid form thought process towards a solution or decision. Often it is the lack of it that prevents certain people from being successful in dating.
By the way... I am agreeing with you... my female friends do the same as you posted. Once they know a person isn't for them.. they know... and that's it. No need for reasons (your words was "I don't need to know why".. ie intuition) or justification. Nothing wrong with that. Just don't expect the same thought process (especially men) and hold it against them. Don't be so defensive when you said it yourself.... "I don't need to know why or how much of a "no" they are.." that statement is describing an act based on intuition.
So a thumbs down is any less flattering? Its not like guys have score cards that they hold up as ladies walk by.... nor going around saying "Hey you are a 10" and "you are a 6".... well at least not mature guys.
My point is that we all (regardless of gender) rate and judge when we see people prior to knowing much about them. It realliy doesn't matter if the scale is 0 or 1 or 1-10. I surmise a lot of this animosity comes from the old days when women were paraded in front of judges at a beauty contest.... which from where i sit is understandable. The key difference between a person and a contest is that the gauge doesn't need to be (nor should be ) standard across the male population... everyone has their own preferences and aspect they are attracted to...
Honestly...I'm not holding much animosity on this subject. I get that people judge on many aspects everyday.
I'm just saying...I don't want some guy TELLING me "I rate you a ***** even if it's a "10". I guess it comes down to the fact that the guy felt comfortable telling me he objectified me. I mean...it didn't have to be articulated to me. I'm having trouble articulating myself right now. lol
Way back when I was in my 20's, my boyfriend at the time entered me into a butt judging contest at a bar. Everyone was whooping and hollering. I was uncomfortable with it...but he was insistent...and I got up and allowed my rear end to be judged along with about 10 other ladies. The winner got the loudest whoops and hollering and clapping. It was a bit humilliating. You're probably thinking "well why did you agree to do it?" Good question. I guess because I thought my boyfriend thought I had a nice butt I guess.
Later, I go up to the bar to get a beer. Some random guy comes up and tells me he voted for my butt. AWKWARD.
Honestly...I'm not holding much animosity on this subject. I get that people judge on many aspects everyday.
I'm just saying...I don't want some guy TELLING me "I rate you a ***** even if it's a "10". I guess it comes down to the fact that the guy felt comfortable telling me he objectified me. I mean...it didn't have to be articulated to me. I'm having trouble articulating myself right now. lol
Way back when I was in my 20's, my boyfriend at the time entered me into a butt judging contest at a bar. Everyone was whooping and hollering. I was uncomfortable with it...but he was insistent...and I got up and allowed my rear end to be judged along with about 10 other ladies. The winner got the loudest whoops and hollering and clapping. It was a bit humilliating. You're probably thinking "well why did you agree to do it?" Good question. I guess because I thought my boyfriend thought I had a nice butt I guess.
Later, I go up to the bar to get a beer. Some random guy comes up and tells me he voted for my butt. AWKWARD.
You know, we had a thread a while back, in another subforum, about men ogling women. Not gonna get all into the nitty-gritty of that, but what I finally came down to in what exactly feels icky and why, is that I don't care if guys look, if they have thoughts, if they even judge. I am not the eyeball or thought police. It's when they feel some need to make very sure that I am totally aware of their attention and thoughts, that it is rude and obnoxious and kinda gross.
So for sure, no matter how a guy rates me, I don't need to know that he was inspecting my appearance and what he thinks of it. Not really, no.
Another of those differences between (some?) men and (some?) women I suppose. I've known guys who love the idea of being seen as a sex object by women, at least in their fantasies. Of course I'd speculate that they've never had the experience of being diminished in their agency, personhood, diminished or treated with disrespect because of that (or maybe anything, depending on the guy.) What kinda sucks is that in many ways our culture in America does want women to be sexual, but only so long as they can be demeaned, judged, and hopefully punished for it. Usayit, from what you've told us of the company you keep I'm sure you've heard plenty about that subject.
Maybe the ick factor is connected with the notion that even when the "rating" is high, it isn't always a good thing, or it doesn't feel like one.
I'm just saying...I don't want some guy TELLING me "I rate you a ***** even if it's a "10". I guess it comes down to the fact that the guy felt comfortable telling me he objectified me. I mean...it didn't have to be articulated to me. I'm having trouble articulating myself right now. lol
Absolutely agree with you. It is tacky and insensitive.... as I said the only guys who do this openly towards a lady are generally less mature. The last time I saw this was years ago with a bunch of drunk frat boys.
Quote:
Way back when I was in my 20's, my boyfriend at the time entered me into a butt judging contest at a bar. Everyone was whooping and hollering. I was uncomfortable with it...but he was insistent...and I got up and allowed my rear end to be judged along with about 10 other ladies. The winner got the loudest whoops and hollering and clapping. It was a bit humilliating. You're probably thinking "well why did you agree to do it?" Good question. I guess because I thought my boyfriend thought I had a nice butt I guess.
Later, I go up to the bar to get a beer. Some random guy comes up and tells me he voted for my butt. AWKWARD.
Yup... certainly understandable. I mentioned that I bet a lot of this goes back to the days when women were paraded in beauty contests with judges. I'm sure a lot of women look at those times and see themselves in humiliation. I think it was ok for your boyfriend to ask... but insisting crossed the line. Keep in mind, that is a bit different from what I'm referring to. In a contest, one is measuring against other women... men (assuming mature) are measuring against their envisioned ideal which is 100% subjective.... a thought process as opposed to a rating system in a contest with intent of some standard, often twisted, sense of what beauty is.
My friends are probably the types that would do it just for fun.... They love the attention... for better or worse. My fiance of that time was the exact opposite. I have to respect that and still do.
Intuition is defined in those words. It is also a valid form thought process towards a solution or decision. Often it is the lack of it that prevents certain people from being successful in dating.
By the way... I am agreeing with you... my female friends do the same as you posted. Once they know a person isn't for them.. they know... and that's it. No need for reasons (your words was "I don't need to know why".. ie intuition) or justification. Nothing wrong with that. Just don't expect the same thought process (especially men) and hold it against them. Don't be so defensive when you said it yourself.... "I don't need to know why or how much of a "no" they are.." that statement is describing an act based on intuition.
I disagree with your agreeing with me.
Maybe we are quantifying it differently.
When I was dating I knew whether I was attracted to him or not, it wasn't using intuition, it was a physical response. Sure, getting to know them would either add or subtract to that attraction.
There was a point in my 30s where I felt that perhaps I was being shallow, so tried dating guys who I thought were nice, and fun, but no attraction.... what a mess. One guy went in for the kiss and I ducked. I felt so bad.
Attraction can be completely different from how you would rate someone in looks. For instance, I could find a guy very good looking, lets make him a 9, but not be attracted to him.
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I don't think I've applied a number to women in terms of their looks since HS. I'm wondering if I even did then, but I'll assume I did, it's sorta a young guy(girl?) thing to do that. I've never heard a man over 18 say those types of things. I've posted this in another thread a little while back.
Seems juvenile to me. I mean we can all appreciate a like looking man/woman and all but for me a number doesn't jump into my head, at least for me anyways.
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I'm wondering if I even did then, but I'll assume I did, it's sorta a young guy(girl?) thing to do that. I've never heard a man over 18 say those types of things. I've posted this in another thread a little while back.
