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I found some of these posts funny to read. I also found others enlightening. I have been in a wheelchair for a few years now, and I have never read an online discussion about people in wheelchairs--in a place where people can be brutally honest. From my prospective—not in a wheelchair most of my life then suddenly in one—I am able to understand what was meant by the posters who can walk. Some I still find funny. Wheelchair sex? That sounds exciting! What is it?
Now I do have to admit that I’m probably not like most people in a wheelchair. I’m not paralyzed. I can still somewhat walk. I’m a 100% disabled vet who came back from the Middle East with neurological problems. Why I’m in a wheelchair is a very complicated question. Anyway, since I have been in a wheelchair I have had only one negative encounter with a woman that I just feel the need to share. Now I have to say upfront that I am married, and I am sure if I were single I’d have many more negative encounters! I don’t know. I can only speculate.
My negative encounter, which I will keep brief, happened with one of my classmates when I was going to school at Oklahoma University (plug—go Sooners!!!). This lady was very attractive. She came up to me after class one day and said something like, “You’re cute. If you weren’t in a wheelchair I would love to date you.”
I was quickly taken aback. Things came into perspective really quick. Just as quick I was like who cares. I looked UP at her and said, “You know what. I’m married, [I don’t wear a ring] but I wouldn’t want to date you if I was single because you are not my type.” I then went home.
Long story short, her and I are now great friends. So much of friends that I had to introduce her to my wife so I didn’t get into trouble. She was fascinated by the fact that I am always upbeat no matter what’s happening. She couldn’t, and still probably can’t, understand why I am not depressed and miserable. I guess I have experienced enough in life to know what’s petty and not worth devoting any time towards.
That said, I really think a big part of life and how someone is treated is their attitude. Maybe I’m an exception to the rule, but it seems to me that being positive and treating other people as human beings has always been rewarding. If someone doesn’t want to get to know me because I need to use a wheel chair then that’s their problem. It doesn’t affect me in the least. And this should obviously apply to everyone—not just the disabled.
Great story and power to you. Not to rain on your parade though but I suspect that if you've ended up in the wheelchair AND your wife still loves you, is still supportive of you and your relationship is still strong that will play a HUGE part in you being able to maintain your positive attitude. It's a very powerful and self affirming place to be. It's a little different to being single AND discovering that a wheelchair or any other kind of aid is just another "deal breaker" for some people. If you don't already have the love and support of a wonderful spouse and suddenly people are judging you because of your disability ON TOP OF all the other things they'd previously judged you on, that can be really confronting and not something that's all that easy to maintain a positive attitude about. I'm not saying it's impossible and I'm certainly not trying to bring you down, just pointing out that different circumstances occur for people when they find themselves in a wheelchair and it's not always easy dealing with what happened to get you there in the first place AND the changes in attitude from people around you, both those you already know and love who love youk, AND those who don't know you seperate from the chair.
Great story and power to you. Not to rain on your parade though but I suspect that if you've ended up in the wheelchair AND your wife still loves you, is still supportive of you and your relationship is still strong that will play a HUGE part in you being able to maintain your positive attitude. It's a very powerful and self affirming place to be. It's a little different to being single AND discovering that a wheelchair or any other kind of aid is just another "deal breaker" for some people. If you don't already have the love and support of a wonderful spouse and suddenly people are judging you because of your disability ON TOP OF all the other things they'd previously judged you on, that can be really confronting and not something that's all that easy to maintain a positive attitude about. I'm not saying it's impossible and I'm certainly not trying to bring you down, just pointing out that different circumstances occur for people when they find themselves in a wheelchair and it's not always easy dealing with what happened to get you there in the first place AND the changes in attitude from people around you, both those you already know and love who love youk, AND those who don't know you seperate from the chair.
Great story and power to you. Not to rain on your parade though but I suspect that if you've ended up in the wheelchair AND your wife still loves you, is still supportive of you and your relationship is still strong that will play a HUGE part in you being able to maintain your positive attitude. It's a very powerful and self affirming place to be. It's a little different to being single AND discovering that a wheelchair or any other kind of aid is just another "deal breaker" for some people. If you don't already have the love and support of a wonderful spouse and suddenly people are judging you because of your disability ON TOP OF all the other things they'd previously judged you on, that can be really confronting and not something that's all that easy to maintain a positive attitude about. I'm not saying it's impossible and I'm certainly not trying to bring you down, just pointing out that different circumstances occur for people when they find themselves in a wheelchair and it's not always easy dealing with what happened to get you there in the first place AND the changes in attitude from people around you, both those you already know and love who love youk, AND those who don't know you seperate from the chair.
I understand what you mean by different circumstances can mean different views/outcomes. And you are not raining on my parade. If my wife left me today, I'd still be a positive person. Like I've said, I have seen too many horrible things (and great things) to realize how insignificant many events are that bring people down. If my wife left me I’d be saddened for our two kids. But I would get custody and my kids are a huge part of my life. I coach my son in sports, and my daughter is in competitive cheer which lets us travel the nation—ok mainly Texas and Florida, but I have to fly over other states!
As far as my love life goes, there are so many women that hit on me it is almost unbelievable. OK, so maybe some are taking pity on me. So? That would be my way in! Just like the comment by someone else in a wheelchair who said he stares at objects on the top shelf in a supermarket until someone offers help. But I can almost guarantee my wife is never going to leave me, so this is a pointless conversation.
I do know what you mean though. You have just taken the wrong angle to show me the ‘darker side’. Talk about if something bad would happen to either of my kids and you’ve rained on my parade! But you’re too cool of a cat for that!
Onrycowboy, I'm in a wheelchair too. I'm married now, but I still flirt a lot and, to be honest, I never had much trouble meeting women when I was single.
If I can give you some advice as a brother...pay attention to your grooming, dress well, get great haircuts and wear nice shoes and boots even though you can't walk. You'll present better but it's also good for your self esteem and self confidence to go out in the world looking fantastic.
Smile. So many disabled people isolate themselves with their own body language. Smile and make eye contact. An easy gracious smile that finds life amusing and gentle eye contact that shows people you're okay and you're engaged with the world. Find some online articles about flirting and put it to practice everywhere you go.
Keep your wheelchair looking good. Don't be ashamed of it, or minimize it, make it work for you. I'm using a Quickie GPV lightweight sports chair, bright yellow...VERY bright yellow. It says mountain bike more than it says medical equipment. Look over your chair and see would it benefit with some cosmetic updating, new tires, or take it to a bicycle shop for a fresh coat of paint.
When I go to the grocery store, and want a little friendly conversation, I just look at what's on the top shelf. Never fails, within a minute there's a really great looking lady asking do I need help reaching something. After that, it's up to me to be real. There are plenty of people who will want to engage with you if you meet them half way and you'll meet that right one. If you're doing all this anyway, just hang in there and your lady will show up.
"Yeah, a couple of nice ripe mellons if you would?"
I found some of these posts funny to read. I also found others enlightening. I have been in a wheelchair for a few years now, and I have never read an online discussion about people in wheelchairs--in a place where people can be brutally honest. From my prospective—not in a wheelchair most of my life then suddenly in one—I am able to understand what was meant by the posters who can walk. Some I still find funny. Wheelchair sex? That sounds exciting! What is it?
Now I do have to admit that I’m probably not like most people in a wheelchair. I’m not paralyzed. I can still somewhat walk. I’m a 100% disabled vet who came back from the Middle East with neurological problems. Why I’m in a wheelchair is a very complicated question. Anyway, since I have been in a wheelchair I have had only one negative encounter with a woman that I just feel the need to share. Now I have to say upfront that I am married, and I am sure if I were single I’d have many more negative encounters! I don’t know. I can only speculate.
My negative encounter, which I will keep brief, happened with one of my classmates when I was going to school at Oklahoma University (plug—go Sooners!!!). This lady was very attractive. She came up to me after class one day and said something like, “You’re cute. If you weren’t in a wheelchair I would love to date you.”
I was quickly taken aback. Things came into perspective really quick. Just as quick I was like who cares. I looked UP at her and said, “You know what. I’m married, [I don’t wear a ring] but I wouldn’t want to date you if I was single because you are not my type.” I then went home.
Long story short, her and I are now great friends. So much of friends that I had to introduce her to my wife so I didn’t get into trouble. She was fascinated by the fact that I am always upbeat no matter what’s happening. She couldn’t, and still probably can’t, understand why I am not depressed and miserable. I guess I have experienced enough in life to know what’s petty and not worth devoting any time towards.
That said, I really think a big part of life and how someone is treated is their attitude. Maybe I’m an exception to the rule, but it seems to me that being positive and treating other people as human beings has always been rewarding. If someone doesn’t want to get to know me because I need to use a wheel chair then that’s their problem. It doesn’t affect me in the least. And this should obviously apply to everyone—not just the disabled.
Thank you for your thoughts. Seriously.
I would think being in your position is tough. Like having an arm missing or a leg. You would always have to explain what happened that you are missing your arm or leg. Or you would have to tell them why you are in a wheel chair.
People tend to be so stereotypical.
I have a friend, a young guy who is in a wheel chair who is a great kid. He is always smiling and joking around. We should treat them as if they are just one of the kids. That's it. Nothing more.
I would hope more people can read these posts and realize that you are just like everyone else. You don't need anything special. Well, unless we are going mountain climbing or swimming. Even then we should be reminded by you that you can't do those things and we should say, "Oh yeah, I forgot."
I would just like to voice that sex, unlike the super sexed that habit this board, would NOT be an issue for me or I'm assuming many others. A fair amount of the popultion don't have the higher sex drive.
I would just like to voice that sex, unlike the super sexed that habit this board, would NOT be an issue for me or I'm assuming many others. A fair amount of the popultion don't have the higher sex drive.
Spoken like a woman. Men have a much stronger continuous sex drive than the women. And I feel that it's much more likely that a woman will date a man in a wheelchair, than a man to date a woman in a wheelchair because women tend to have a kinder and more sympathetic heart, plus they have a strong nurturing instinct.
Spoken like a woman. Men have a much stronger continuous sex drive than the women. And I feel that it's much more likely that a woman will date a man in a wheelchair, than a man to date a woman in a wheelchair because women tend to have a kinder and more sympathetic heart, plus they have a strong nurturing instinct.
When was the last time you picked up a guy on the side of the street because you were kinder or more sympathetic? Love has zero to do with pity.
It's far more likely that a woman will be hit on in public than a man in one, assuming they are both still considered attractive. As the woman can still do the deeds and such no matter the extent of the injury or reason in this case, it's just not a factor to decide upon.
When was the last time you picked up a guy on the side of the street because you were kinder or more sympathetic? Love has zero to do with pity.
It's far more likely that a woman will be hit on in public than a man in one, assuming they are both still considered attractive. As the woman can still do the deeds and such no matter the extent of the injury or reason in this case, it's just not a factor to decide upon.
Maybe YOU pick up the women you date on the side of the street in some random fashion, but I don't and never have.
What I'm talking about is the usual situation of people starting relationships by first interacting through mutual friends, classes at school, work, church, or doing some other shared activity or common interest. Of meeting, their personalities clicking, then being friends first, then forming deeper feelings for each other. That's really the way that most people who aren't 8's, 9's or 10's in the looks department find friendship and love.
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Not to rain on your parade though but I suspect that if you've ended up in the wheelchair AND your wife still loves you, is still supportive of you and your relationship is still strong that will play a HUGE part in you being able to maintain your positive attitude. It's a very powerful and self affirming place to be. It's a little different to being single AND discovering that a wheelchair or any other kind of aid is just another "deal breaker" for some people. If you don't already have the love and support of a wonderful spouse and suddenly people are judging you because of your disability ON TOP OF all the other things they'd previously judged you on, that can be really confronting and not something that's all that easy to maintain a positive attitude about. I'm not saying it's impossible and I'm certainly not trying to bring you down, just pointing out that different circumstances occur for people when they find themselves in a wheelchair and it's not always easy dealing with what happened to get you there in the first place AND the changes in attitude from people around you, both those you already know and love who love youk, AND those who don't know you seperate from the chair. 
Ok! 
