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I totally disagree with this. You make good points but I feel your advice is not in line with them. I think he needs to take it very slow and try to get to know her first. He has NO idea what her situation is. If she is married or in a relationship (or even has kids) this could go very bad. I suggest he do nothing but get to know her better then he can be sure what he thinks is happening actually is. If she is as chatty as he says, eventually they can lead up to sharing their personal lives. If he suggests meeting someplace and she swiftly rejects him, he will no longer feel comfortable going to that restaurant and he shouldn't have to do that. She might get totally creeped out too.
OP, I would just keep going slowly. Maybe show a slight interest....ask her how long she has been working at the restaurant. If she likes it, etc....not all in one visit. You will find if she likes you and has an interest in you, she'll be willing to share details about herself with you.
Take it slow.
All of this is a wild assumption. As I noted in my post, if he doesn’t know what she likes, then it’s WAY too early. You’re assuming he doesn’t know any of this.
Lol no it is not me. I thought it was funny when I saw this post. The Panera women is 33 and moved here from Brazil recently by herself and is going to college.
Nothing wrong with trying to talk with her more and asking her out. Better to do it than to not do it and never know. I've asked out women (eventually) that I've met through frequenting their business before. Although, one of them I didn't really ask out. We'd just flirt back forth when I'd go in there and she regularly gave me signs she was interested and I kind of left it alone. It was when I was visiting my grandparents for a few months and was helping my grandmother with my grandfather, who was nearing the end of his life. One day she saw me walking by her house (I used to go on walks at night, mostly for exercise and to get out and she lived within a 7 minute walking distance from my grandparents) and I didn't know where she lived, but she told me. She told me if I saw her car there, then I should come by and I did one day and we started seeing each other for a bit.
One thing you shouldn't do is send flowers. DEFINITELY DO NOT SEND FLOWERS! You don't even know if this woman wants to go out with you, it's not a good idea at all to send flowers to her. I wouldn't do that until at least after a few dates.
That's definitely just weird. Sounds like something that some dumb movie or TV show tells us we should do and we really shouldn't. That's the last thing you should do. I would feel awkward ASF if I did that. It's cringey at best.
All of this is a wild assumption. As I noted in my post, if he doesn’t know what she likes, then it’s WAY too early. You’re assuming he doesn’t know any of this.
He said he doesn't. He can only guess at her age and he knows she doesn't wear a wedding band.
What’s this supposed to mean? That those with autism can’t be in relationships with others who are not autistic?
I think it is very difficult for the person who has to constantly deal with the typical symptoms (lack of emotional intelligence, rigid thinking, miscommunication, narcissism, obsessions and anxieties, etc.) Yes. I have been there. It sucked.
So I'll preface this by saying I have Asperger's Syndrome, which is a form of Autism. I go out to eat a lot, often times by myself. I've been frequenting a local chain restaurant not far from my apartment. At this restaurant is a waitress with whom I seem to be developing rapport. Now bear with me here. As of late, when I go into the restaurant, she always approaches me and greets me, and sometimes even dotes on irregardless of whether I'm sitting at one of the tables assigned to her. On the most recent occasion I was waiting to be seated, she spotted me, waved enthusiastically, and promptly made a beeline for me. I won't recount the entire conversation, but I'll give you the basic gist. Among other things, she asked me how I was doing and I said I was having a bad day because of my depression. She expressed empathy and attempted to cheer me up. I expressed gratitude and I told her in all sincerity how sweet she is and that just seeing her brightened my day. She seemed to be flattered but at this point had to return to her duties. Later on when I was sitting at the table, she came over and doted on me, unsolicited. Note she wasn't assigned to me. Also for what it's worth, on the occasions when she is assigned to me, she always draws a heart on my receipt.
Now that we've gotten all of that rigamarole out of the way my question is as follows. How do I interpret this? I.e. is this what I think it is or am I over-analyzing?
I know I will get flamed for this, but I will say with 100% certainty that women are not generally attracted to men that say they are "depressed". That isnt interesting or exciting. So I think she isnt interested in you at all, she is either buttering you up for tips or attention. She might be being nice, but Im a cynic.
But there is nothing wrong with asking her about her, and see if she does more of the same. But DONT GET HER ANY GIFTS BEFORE YOURE ACTUALLY DATING.
Also, while youre talking to her, you dont talk to her to get a date, you talk to her casually just to see what happens. Do not get attached to an outcome, and dont get attached to her.
What you need to do first is find out why she is acting this way towards you. if you dont find this out you will be acting on assumptions with no/wrong information.
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