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Unfortunately she lives a 2hr drive away from me... so accidentally bumping into aint gonna happen
Only thing I can do is occassionaly post something interesting on my facebook for her to notice I'm doing fine.
Or send her a text in a few weeks (if she doesn't) to ask how she's been doing and see how she reacts from there without chasing...
Move on. Forget about her.
The current relationship started a week after my old one ended. I made a few flubs early on that gave her pause, but she was understanding given the short span of time between and everything else about me was perfect. I’m not saying she’s the one, but if one were to think it that’s the type of girl that would be in the running. Not one that says she’s seeing someone else, but maybe in a couple weeks if that doesn’t work out she might check back in.
Ok, move on and forget seems to be the general opinion.
But if I were able to do that I would not have posted here.
I am not having any trouble in getting attention from other women at all, problem is they don't make me feel ANYTHING, so I usually call it quits after 1 or 2 dates (I am not looking to hurt someones feelings).. no matter how beautiful, sweet or smart they might be.
Ok, so I am not an obsessed stalker and I don't have any mental issues as some people implied here.
I got my things in order. I haven't contacted her in 2 weeks.
I just really REALLY regret that I did pretty much everything 180 degrees opposite of what that website describes.
So I basically turned a woman that was highly interested and extuingished all her attraction due to my own behavior.
My behavior beeing mostly caused by wrong timing after my divorce and being too long out of the dating scene at the point I met her and having too strong feelings for her too soon that made me lose my composure.
I am working to improve and to not make those mistakes again (with her or with someone else in the future).
If I don't get a second chance with her, then so be it... but I'm afraid I will regret screwing up with her for the rest of my life. I let my fears and insecurities get in the way.
So I was just curious to see if anyone has ever succeeded with a 2nd chance in this particular case. (As in, regain attraction after screwing up).
She’s a soul tie of some sort,you probably had a past life together hence the pull for her above others but in this particular life you have fate without destiny,you met sure,but she doesn’t feel the electricity like you do.I wouldn’t go altering your natural cycle of loss,grief,self doubt,sincerity and general humanness for her,your soulmate will understand your rise and fall.Wait for it.I know you feel she is the one but you must respect that she doesn’t feel that as strongly,take in whatever the situation meant to teach you,and then look again for the one you are destined for.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ramrod51
Thank you all for your answers!
To be honest… I've had my fair share of relationships in the past (I'm 34 now) and I've been on a lot of dates.
But never ever have I felt this "she's the one" feeling as with this woman I'm now talking about.
Yes, I know, she must feel it too in order for that to be true ;-)
In 99% of the cases I would let go and move on.
I agree you can't change yourself in a few weeks, but that was not the point. I'm just trying to "get back" to myself.
Because deep down there is this voice that tells me the "normal" me would have been perfect for her.
Like I said I got divorced last year, my (ex-)wife cheated on me several times, she tried to commit suicide on multiple occasions and stuff like that… so that is the reason I was feeling emotionally drained, unconfident, less easy-going and quite depressed.
I'm trying to fix that by eating healthy, doing sports, going out with friends and doing stuff I like.
And also going on dates... It is good for confidence. I'm not lying or leading on any women, it is more of an attempt to rebuild my social/flirting skills… and perhaps some day there will be one that comes along and makes me forget her.
But for now nothing or nobody can take my mind off of her.
If there does come a second chance, I'm not going to make it THAT easy for her. I do need to feel that she respects me, but somehow it feels like "the broken version of myself" triggered this disrespect and it things could have ended way differently.
I mean, how many women would feel attracted to a guy that sends them long, emotionally loaded and clingy messages in the middle of the night… I just don't know why/what I was doing back then… I just felt so desperate to get her :-s
Sorry man but firstly she obviously just isn't feeling enough , l mean seeing another guy,no thanks not for this puppy.
But what your willing to just go along with that while she scratches her head about the two of you.
And your taking the blame for it, man that's all just sad.
Believe me , if she felt the right stuff she'd understand and be patient and certainly wouldn't be rushing of with someone else already , but she can't even give you a few months.
ls that really the kind of woman you even want ?
all of us are broken...in one way or another...but its how we learn and heal ourselves that count....
just as you cant expect others to bring you so called "happiness" you cant run or displace your demons from the past....being with someone else..
a racecar cant go in a race with just 3 tires and blame the other cars … that's just ignorance......but ...we do similar things emotionally.. to others..
fix yourself first...then go out in the world...not as a damaged insecure boy....but as a confident man...….
as Carla said on cheers - yes women may say they want a sensitive guy on all the talk shows...but they want also want a strong man... a rock.... something they are not...if they want a an unconditional emotional friend..they can get a dog.....women's brains don't turn off..they think and worry about everything...… when you read on dating sites women saying they want a "real man" they want someone strong..... not someone clingy ….or insecure..
they want a strong partner to complement them....not to mother them..
the best lessons in life we learn the hard way.... stop with any keeping score of respect..
maturity in my life has learned to be humble and let go of the arrogance...or self-centeredness.....
a good man will bring out the best of a woman... you think about that
you know this woman...you know her goals...don't waste her time....if you don't share the same goals..
if you want to see this woman again....send a few short brief messages.....keep them short … tell her you are working on some of your shortcomings.....and maturity
appreciate don't expect in life...you are adulting....every action has a consequence....you cant play the victim and expect her to treat you like a god...
grow up... let go the clouds of your past...cleanse yourself of petty arrogance......you either need a fresh start with her or someone else.. but as importantly....yourself
Ok, So I have been on 8 dates the last 2 months with an amazing woman that is pretty much everything I ever dreamed of.
She seemed totally into me during the first 3 – 4 dates and then I started noticing the first signs of hesitation/withdrawal.
We had a talk about this, and I told her I was not yet feeling my best, happy, confident self due to a divorce last year (of which I already told her before).
We continued dating and eventually started kissing, cuddling, making plans to do things on the longer term.
And now all of a sudden she blows me off, tells me she’s not feeling the way she would like to feel and that she thinks this is because I’m not fully recovered and put too much pressure on her. She also admitted she was dating a 2nd guy and proposed to have a break in dating with me for 1 – 2 months. She tells me I’m such a great guy and that she really would have liked to feel it the way she would like it. And if it doesnt work out with this 2nd guy we could maybe try to make it work in a few weeks.
So I totally get that… I am aware I had not been behaving in a very attractive way.. quite unconfident, needy and a bit clingy.
So I decided to focus on myself now and take the next few weeks to get my act together and to try to improve myself, my life and my lifestyle. I’m almost 100% sure this would have been a match made in heaven when I would have felt better from the start.
However, I also feel like she acted in a disrespectful way and that really bothers me. I dont want to be a second choice. And I think I would not have been when I had been feeling confident and happy enough at the start.
So now I don’t know…
a) Call it quits
b) See if she really contacts me again in a few weeks and show her the new and improved me
c) Contact her myself in a few weeks if she doesn’t do it, and show her I’m improved.
d) Someting else entirely? 🙂
I'm aware I probably became emotionally invested too quickly and put her "on a pedestal" emotionally speaking.
She told me honestely she felt pressure from that.
I was over my ex (as in: I did not miss HER anymore), but I had trouble filling the big black hole of time and lack of affection that remains after a long and dedicated relationship.
With this new woman I shared almost identical interests, life vision and lifestyle. She also told me she felt a strong physical attraction for me and feelings of trust early on which she liked.
So I can only guess that "the missing feeling" she describes is the gut-wrenching pull a strong, confident and happy man can have on a woman.
I am hard at work bettering myself and am dating other women as well in an attempt to move on. But my mind still goes out to her... and the "what if" question remains.
Do you believe in 2nd chances after a few weeks of "no contact" in a case like this?
Thanks for any advice, insights, guidance, …
Hard as it is I think you have to 'let it go', we've all 'been there' and its tough, I think there might be a 'small' chance that if you make it plain you want to 'move on' it will bring certain 'realisations' to her but I wouldn't count on it.
The fact that you are still holding out hope that there will be a second chance with her is sabotaging your efforts to move on.
Until you accept the fact that 1) she doesn't want you and 2) you should not be wanting someone who doesn't want you, you will be blocking yourself from any other potential chances at love.
Don't damage your chances any more by pining for someone who obviously doesn't value you as a person.
I am working to improve and to not make those mistakes again (with her or with someone else in the future).
If I don't get a second chance with her, then so be it... but I'm afraid I will regret screwing up with her for the rest of my life. I let my fears and insecurities get in the way.
So I was just curious to see if anyone has ever succeeded with a 2nd chance in this particular case. (As in, regain attraction after screwing up).
That was the main reason why I posted here.
Thanks!
No.... there is no second chance with her.
You appeared to her to be unattractive because you were needy, not confident, whatever. That will stick with her, and she will likely always think of you that way. It will be worse if you continue to contact her, and dont have the understanding about how dating works that shes not interested. You dont "get it". She would basically have to see you randomly with a better looking woman than her to think of you differently.
She also might not have been over her last relationship, and realized it when she met you. People have all sorts of reasons for ending a courtship. It might not have been you, its not always about you.
If you dont connect with most of the women after 2 dates, then theres something else youre doing wrong. Youre either picking the wrong women, or you are too picky. Whatever it is about this girl that you think makes her different from the rest probably isnt a good reason/trait. Examine whatever that is so you can move on with your life already. Youre probably obsessed with her only because she rejected you. Its addictive, and you are feeding into it.
You know how like sometimes you meet and date someone and they are fine overall but not like everything you thought you wanted or how you wanted to feel so you kinda want to see what else is out there but you don't necessarily want to dump this pretty ok person just in case you don't find something better?
You're the pretty ok person.
Move on.
Be with someone who is excited to be with you.
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