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Thank you again. He's saying he wants to stay together. He never said he can't be in a relationship with me. He told me he needs me in his corner because he loves me.
He wants you in his corner when he needs someone to take care of him. He is using you, maybe he realizes it, maybe he doesn't but nonetheless that is what's going on. I'm sorry but he's very selfish, he wants you on the hook for when he needs something from you. Don't fall for this, you're worth so much more! I have this nagging feeling that when he gets that surgery and is fully healed, he will break up with you.
If you are not happy now, you won't get happier over time. Move on. There are people who will treat you better. If you have to work at it at this early stage, you are not ever going to make it work.
I still don’t understand why your staying with him. He is not even open to discuss what is going on. It doesn’t matter how he was when you met or what he says when his behavior is unkind and unloving
He is not going to change if he knows you will just stay by him when he acts like this. If he is not in a place to be in a relationship he should say that and let you meet someone else. You should ask him if you decide to date someone else during this time apart how he will feel?
I still don’t understand why your staying with him. He is not even open to discuss what is going on. It doesn’t matter how he was when you met or what he says when his behavior is unkind and unloving
He is not going to change if he knows you will just stay by him when he acts like this. If he is not in a place to be in a relationship he should say that and let you meet someone else. You should ask him if you decide to date someone else during this time apart how he will feel?
We did get to a point where he said did I want to date other people. I know it's not a strategic answer but I told him no, that it wouldn't solve anything and I asked him the same question. He also said no. He tried to have a date with me a week ago. He showed up and said he wasn't ready to go out but he wanted to look me in the eyes and tell me he's in love with me etc rather than cancel over the text/phone.
Last night he said he's trying to be ready next weekend. He has been paying more attention to me. We will see. Meanwhile I have "moved on" and traveled, just by car and even got a job offer an hour away. I've kept busy, done many things but not dated anyone as I told him I wouldn't. I have concluded as he is not getting help for his anxieties (I have started getting help for mine this month too.) he will do this again even if we start to get back to normal next weekend. I will talk to him about getting help too.
Last edited by Idkeither; 09-23-2022 at 07:18 PM..
Reason: Spelling
Relationships can be difficult even when they are good relationships. Maintaining a relationship with a person who has mental health issues, or a personality disorder, or who is simply self-centered, or just simply flaky, is much more difficult than it should be.
At the very best case, this guy is flaky and not interested in making the relationship work. But just superficially, based just on what you have said here, it sounds like he has mental health issues, I suggest that you try to find someone who treats you better and who is more interested in a little give and take and does some give and doesn't just do the take side of the relationship.
Relationships can be difficult even when they are good relationships. Maintaining a relationship with a person who has mental health issues, or a personality disorder, or who is simply self-centered, or just simply flaky, is much more difficult than it should be.
At the very best case, this guy is flaky and not interested in making the relationship work. But just superficially, based just on what you have said here, it sounds like he has mental health issues, I suggest that you try to find someone who treats you better and who is more interested in a little give and take and does some give and doesn't just do the take side of the relationship.
This is excellent advice of course and I appreciate your response. I will discuss some help for his anxieties with him when we start to spend time together again. I'm happy I didn't just sit and wait. I have good things I did, the work on my mental health and getting a job offer. So I feel I've set myself up for a better life with or without him. I do love him and trust him not to cheat (which I get is only one basic thing but you all know many people can't even accomplish that!) so I'm not ready to give up just yet. I waited but I didn't just sit here so that was good. All I can do. Thank you again.
There is a time for everything, and now is obviously not the time when you want to break up. From reading this thread, it seems the time is already passed but you know the situation and you know when you have had enough.
Hope it isn't too late to say but I would say you hang in there wait for him.
I just saw this. He did come back when he said he would, September 30. And it wasn't him anymore. He started smoking weed again, grew a beard, lost some weight and is very short tempered I think due to strict dieting. He was also really horny.
I wanted to wait though I did end up sleeping with him once. He has yelled at me, hung up on me a couple of times. So I concluded I waited for nothing. The person I loved didn't or doesn't exist.
I left him today.
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