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After dating a girl for almost six months , I (F) got broken up in a very humiliating way. In the midst of emotions I told her that I wanted to stay friends. We stayed in contact , still exchanging lengthy texts about our lives.
However , I am at a point where I really regret this decision and have no desire to stay in contact with her anymore. How do I that without totally ghosting her or being upfront about it since I was the first person to want to remain friends?
Also , when discussing the breakup I mentioned crying one time when we were together because she disappeared one week (yeah I know I shouldn't have told her about it). I don't know why but every time she gets busy she sends me now a text telling me that she won't be responsive for a few days.
It makes me feel like I'm some sort of nutcase in her eyes.
Do you see each other, or is it long distance? If you only text, its pretty easy to just start lightening up on the context of texts. Dont text them. When they text you, just give short simple answer. Dont tell them all about your life. It will eventually die on its own.
We actually broke up because I was leaving and she wasn't ready for long distance. As for lightening up , I will try to that. We have very long conversations (send a dozen long texts every time we talk). Thanks.
...How do I that without totally ghosting her or being upfront about it since I was the first person to want to remain friends?...!
You're allowed to change your mind. People change their minds about friendships all the time. Ghosting is lame, and so is not telling someone the truth, so you're going to have to be upfront. Just tell her that it hurts too much, and you need to have a complete break. (That is the truth because you're hurting yourself by beating yourself up about admitting to crying, and now think you must look like a nut case. That's hurtful - to yourself. Stop that.)
She most likely isn't going to be affected as much as you think if you stop contact. They move on very quickly; she isn't going to build a shrine in your honor. Tell her you want a clean break, then change your phone number, delete her from social media completely, etc. There are thousands of women you could potentially date, no need to get hung up on this one, or even remain friends. Life will move on whether she's in yours or not.
You don't need to respond with lengthy tests. You are broken up so you owe her no explanations. It's unlikely she will care if you cease contact.
Let her initiate all texts. Make your replies brief. If she asks about your job you reply with - it's going well. Don't go into detail. If she texts you about a good weekend, respond with - that's great, glad you had fun.
If she asks why you aren't texting more you tell her you are busy, or not in the mood, or you can be honest and say you have decided it's not important anymore that you remain friends.
I wouldn't go on about feelings, or that you feel like a nutcase. Make like she doesn't matter anymore and eventually she won't.
You're allowed to change your mind. People change their minds about friendships all the time. Ghosting is lame, and so is not telling someone the truth, so you're going to have to be upfront. Just tell her that it hurts too much, and you need to have a complete break. (That is the truth because you're hurting yourself by beating yourself up about admitting to crying, and now think you must look like a nut case. That's hurtful - to yourself. Stop that.)
That's it.
Then, you move on with life.
^^This^^
No need to ghost or do the slow fade--just tell her exactly what you told us, O.P. That you've found it to be too painful to be "just friends" and that in order to move forward you have changed your mind about maintaining friendly contact with your ex girlfriend.
There's no need to make it more complicated than that.
Cut and paste from this article: People ghost for reasons of fear, anxiety, fear of hurting someone, fear of conflict, fear that they will succumb to "pressure" and say yes to another date that they do not want.
This is ridiculous. Were people always that way, is that a cultural thing??
What about just growing some balls and say, no thank you, I would like to move on and not with you in any way. It was nice getting to know you, I wish you all the best. DONE. Is this really THAT DIFFICULT?
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