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I can see how it would be possible that an introvert might become jealous of an extrovert being so outgoing, or maybe an introvert craves a quiet home to come home to, and the other wants to let off steam at Happy Hour, etc. And I can also see how one would admire the opposite, and appreciate the gifts that the other brings to the table.
What I have seen (and this most def is not all introverts in the slightest, and extroverts like me can certainly have our toxic versions and toxic traits!) is that some of the introverts I've known succumb to a bit of projection and that creates confusion and struggle for them... In that if they are not trying to accomplish something specific, like say, get sex or a love partner, they haven't got a lot of use for just going to a social thing and talking to other people for hours.
So there CAN be, questioning not only why an extroverted partner would be doing that, but also questioning the motives of the other people out there that they are talking to. Surely someone in that scene is just trying to get laid?
But then too, there is the fact that for some introverts I've known, dating in and of itself is NOT fun. No enjoyment in making a new social connection, in just going out and meeting and speaking with somebody new for the stimulation of it... It's an unfortunately necessary means to an end, endured but not much enjoyed. If a relationship does not result then all that's left is disappointment, not "oh well, I had a fun time out." So if they DO get a relationship out of it, they are all the more defensive of that, too, if they feel it might be threatened. So there is not only a sense of protectiveness there...but then, too, the relative extrovert might be seen as taking careless chances with its safety by going and making these other connections with potential threats to it. ("It"=the relationship)
The end result can be an extrovert who is either not getting needs met, or constant fights, or resentments, or the extrovert feels isolated and controlled. And the introvert feels perhaps vilified and that their fears are not taken seriously, when there's plenty of evidence in the world around them that infidelity IS a real threat to relationships.
Not to mention that there are extroverts who make other people feel overwhelmed, like we/they just take up all the energy in the room or need way too much attention, or have a huge cast of characters in our lives with a ton of gossip and drama... Like I can imagine how even my own extroverting could look to some who don't share the needs I've got. For some people I would be intolerable as a partner, and that doesn't offend me...not everyone is right for everyone else.
It takes a special level of trust, patience and understanding for these matches to work well. And yeah, it IS important, if you want your relationship to last, I think...to know yourself and your needs, and to communicate in good faith while trying to form a relationship with someone. A successful LTR is about a lot more than that initial "click" unless you're just LUCKY enough for everything to gel somehow in the long run.
I can see how it would be possible that an introvert might become jealous of an extrovert being so outgoing, or maybe an introvert craves a quiet home to come home to, and the other wants to let off steam at Happy Hour, etc. And I can also see how one would admire the opposite, and appreciate the gifts that the other brings to the table.
Hmm, not for me.
I am very introverted. I don't talk unless I have something to say. I like being alone and being alone with someone .
I tend to do best in dating with social butterflies/extroverts. I like listening and they need the audience. He can go to happy hour without me or have me there as armcandy and cheerleader.
We are discussing things that I would never discuss because I would not think of it or not think of being important enough. But it is fun. More fun than constant silence because neither of us has nothing to say.
I was married to another introvert and we bored each other to death. With extroverts I don't have the pressure on being entertaining, they are entertaining enough and bring me out of my shell. I am not jealous at all. Yes, I admire people who are so outgoing and social. I wish I was that way.
There is a third factor that you really didn't mention and that is the role of conscientiousness. In general there seems to be more introverts that are higher in conscientiousness than extraverts, but the extraverts who are higher in conscientiousness are also really easy to get along with and the introverts low in conscientiousness can be really blunt and rude.
I tend to seek out people who are higher in conscientiousness which tends to sort for more ambiverts and introverts.
I am very introverted. I don't talk unless I have something to say. I like being alone and being alone with someone .
I tend to do best in dating with social butterflies/extroverts. I like listening and they need the audience. He can go to happy hour without me or have me there as armcandy and cheerleader.
We are discussing things that I would never discuss because I would not think of it or not think of being important enough. But it is fun. More fun than constant silence because neither of us has nothing to say.
I was married to another introvert and we bored each other to death. With extroverts I don't have the pressure on being entertaining, they are entertaining enough and bring me out of my shell. I am not jealous at all. Yes, I admire people who are so outgoing and social. I wish I was that way.
I was just saying that I can see how those things would happen. I'm married to an introvert, so he and I don't have those extremes...but I can see how the extremes can be misunderstood by the other.
What I've noticed before is that introverts tend to vilify extroverts. Sometimes, it seems like they think being an extrovert is a character flaw. Sometimes I wonder if THOSE people actually feel...I don't know...overshadowed? Not seen? And that's why they vilify the extrovert.
I have a friend who's an extrovert, and she told me once that she often felt like the bull in the china shop, because she was more outgoing, and she felt like she was getting death stares from her introvert friends.
I tend to think of extroverts as door openers. They're the kind of people who ask the maitre d if there's a better table, and magically, we get the better table. Or they're the ones who just from chatting people up, somehow got you to the front stage, or even called ON to the stage...they just have a way of making things happen.
Takes all kinds of people to make the world go round.
I was just saying that I can see how those things would happen. I'm married to an introvert, so he and I don't have those extremes...but I can see how the extremes can be misunderstood by the other.
What I've noticed before is that introverts tend to vilify extroverts. Sometimes, it seems like they think being an extrovert is a character flaw. Sometimes I wonder if THOSE people actually feel...I don't know...overshadowed? Not seen? And that's why they vilify the extrovert.
There's been a sort of overcompensation with some introverts on the internet, once Susan Cain's book Quiet came out and there was actual validation of a different way of interacting with the world. American society in particular is very geared toward extroversion, so some introverts pushed the pendulum too far in declaring that we're not just quiet weirdos who need to get out more.
I consider - or rather, Myers-Briggs considers, lol - myself an 'ambivert' (roughly 55-45 I-E) and my partner is way more introverted than I am... and, IMO, my best 'pairing'. My 45 score for extraversion covers both of us, it seems.
A bit surprised that I scored as high as I did regarding introversion as sassy and 'out there' as I can be... but I'm no shrink so who knows.
I think as a female introvert it works well with a male ambivert. I've always had the social burden fall on me with male introverts, I think it is more expected of women.
I tend to think of extroverts as door openers. They're the kind of people who ask the maitre d if there's a better table, and magically, we get the better table. Or they're the ones who just from chatting people up, somehow got you to the front stage, or even called ON to the stage...they just have a way of making things happen.
Takes all kinds of people to make the world go round.
oh, for sure. I was at the racetrack with bf last weekend, he races motorcycles. He talks to everyone and their sister, helps everyone if they need anything and it can be annoying to me sometimes. But we also ended up getting invited to bbq's, got free samples/merchandise, free beer, our dogs got special treatment, etc.
I think as a female introvert it works well with a male ambivert. I've always had the social burden fall on me with male introverts, I think it is more expected of women.
With introverted bfs I was expected to arrange anything social. If I didn't we would never go anywhere where we would be expected to interact with other people. Any activities I had to pretty much steer the ship and they went along for the ride. If I didn't leave my comfort zone we didn't have much fun. It's exhausting.
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