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With introverted bfs I was expected to arrange anything social. If I didn't we would never go anywhere where we would be expected to interact with other people. Any activities I had to pretty much steer the ship and they went along for the ride. If I didn't leave my comfort zone we didn't have much fun. It's exhausting.
In my husband's and my relationship, the 'fun stuff' is organized by 'either/or'. Not much rhyme or reason to it. However, if something needs to be done in a diplomatic, friendly "try and make everyone happy" kind of way, my husband calls on me to handle it. LOL
But you know...sometimes you need someone who can be a bit more of a bulldog...and he can be the bulldog when the situation calls for it. I appreciate that about him.
With introverted bfs I was expected to arrange anything social. If I didn't we would never go anywhere where we would be expected to interact with other people. Any activities I had to pretty much steer the ship and they went along for the ride. If I didn't leave my comfort zone we didn't have much fun. It's exhausting.
Gotcha. Yes, that was my marriage. Did not like it. I have a circle of friends and he did not. But he wanted to be with me 24/7 and be part of me meeting my friends. And then we went there and he did not participate in anything, all games we did were "stupid," he barely gave any answers when someone asked him something, I had to cater to his needs all the time, my friends were always asking if he is okay. He wanted to leave early and then we went home ... just to be home... (???)
I'm an ISTJ which given my profession isn't surprising.
I assumed I would do best with an introvert but most of the sites I've seen say I should actually be looking for ENFP, ESTP or ESTJ. One ISTJ calls his wife his emotion support extrovert.
Gotcha. Yes, that was my marriage. Did not like it. I have a circle of friends and he did not. But he wanted to be with me 24/7 and be part of me meeting my friends. And then we went there and he did not participate in anything, all games we did were "stupid," he barely gave any answers when someone asked him something, I had to cater to his needs all the time, my friends were always asking if he is okay. He wanted to leave early and then we went home ... just to be home... (???)
Oh not good.
I just think women are naturally more sociable, or want to be, even the introverts and introverted men can be real loner home bodies (not a rule, just what I have experienced a lot).
If I arranged everything and made sure they had a good time when we went somewhere they would like it- well, sometimes. I had one guy who couldn't be trusted anywhere there were more than three people. It would really frustrate me when I had to initiate socializing in their own circles, like at a convention they took me to, say a home show, they would not ask questions or talk to anyone about the products, that fell on me even if I didn't know much about it and they did. One time I lost it and got pretty mad, I thought going to his stuff I could relax and see him interact with "his people" and he didn't even bother talking to anyone there. At least some effort? A little?
I guess I'm a different kind of introvert, I like to be social, just not great at getting it started and can't sustain it too long but it is nice to meet different people.
I just think women are naturally more sociable, or want to be, even the introverts and introverted men can be real loner home bodies (not a rule, just what I have experienced a lot).
If I arranged everything and made sure they had a good time when we went somewhere they would like it- well, sometimes. I had one guy who couldn't be trusted anywhere there were more than three people. It would really frustrate me when I had to initiate socializing in their own circles, like at a convention they took me to, say a home show, they would not ask questions or talk to anyone about the products, that fell on me even if I didn't know much about it and they did. One time I lost it and got pretty mad, I thought going to his stuff I could relax and see him interact with "his people" and he didn't even bother talking to anyone there. At least some effort? A little?
.
I've heard this referred to as "invisible labor"--women either volunteer to or are expected to remember birthdays and plan holiday get-togethers and keep track of things or otherwise act as the social glue of the couple, and the guy often goes along but doesn't help.
If I arranged everything and made sure they had a good time when we went somewhere they would like it- well, sometimes. I had one guy who couldn't be trusted anywhere there were more than three people. It would really frustrate me when I had to initiate socializing in their own circles, like at a convention they took me to, say a home show, they would not ask questions or talk to anyone about the products, that fell on me even if I didn't know much about it and they did. One time I lost it and got pretty mad, I thought going to his stuff I could relax and see him interact with "his people" and he didn't even bother talking to anyone there. At least some effort? A little?
I guess I'm a different kind of introvert, I like to be social, just not great at getting it started and can't sustain it too long but it is nice to meet different people.
lol, yes that all sounds familiar.
And yes, I do like to be around people every now and then but I don't do small talk, my conversations are usually very deep right away. I can go into an elevator with a stranger and get out and not even once look at them but if they start talking I may get out and know things their friends don't know. For some reason people always tell me their problems.
When dating what do you find tends to be the most successful when talking about introversion/extroversion?
I am an extrovert and I tend to match up with introverts. It's really just one characteristic, but I tend to like such people as they make you work to get to know them and when you do they won't let go of you. At least that has been my experience.
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