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Based on one of the OP's previous thread, I would say that what he really needs to work on is learning to court women that actually has a genuine interest in him. And by genuine interest, she should be giving off clear signs that she really likes you in an intimate kind of way. If one has to ask strangers on a forum their opinions on whether a girl likes him, then she probably doesn't.
And once he does find the right girl that shows clear interest, then quickly pursuing it by asking her out on a date. Doesn't have to be an elaborate date at a Michelin starred restaurant, even a simple quick one at a coffee shop is ideal. Too many guys make the double mistake of becoming infatuated with a girl that doesn't really like him, and then not even asking her out on a simple date. Doing so would automatically let him know where he stands with her, but instead, they would rather make excuse after excuse of why it wouldn't be appropriate to ask her out, etc. etc., and they unnecessarily stretch out something that was never there in the first place.
My main point being, you can't be afraid of something in life, in this case a steady relationship, when you haven't even worked on one of the more important aspects of it (finding and courting the right woman in the first place).
I'm at a point in life where I feel as if I want to start looking for long-term at least. Maybe marriage, but at least something real and long-lasting.
You don't want to, you want to... Make up your mind. BTW, you can date without committing.
Just bc you ask someone on a date doesn't mean you have to marry them.
If you have several women in mind you'd like to spend time with, pick one and suggest something casual and un-datey. See if you click. It's not a huge commitment.
If you'd like to continue seeing her, do so. If not, don't.
As far as "consent" goes, your social circle should give you an indication of what's current. Tread lightly with that though and avoid jumping into sex right away.
... I have this weird nagging feeling telling me not to for some reason. It's like there's one voice in my head telling me that I miss the warmth and companionship that comes with a relationship (and the sex, of course) but then there's another voice telling me to enjoy the single life for as long as possible since I my me-time will be fleeting once I get back into dating and potentially considering things like going steady, marriage, and even kids.
Is this normal? I have a few girls in my life whom I've been considering asking out, but everytime I amp myself up to do so, that one nagging voice tells me to just enjoy my time as a bachelor and to do worry about certain commitments that come with a relationship. I'm going back and forth on this and I could use some advice on how I'm feeling and what to do.
You be you. Whether you meet someone or not, marry or not, kids or not -- just be you. Don't push anything. Don't think your life has to look like anyone else's. It's YOUR life. When your voice tells you something, pay attention.
Well, that's the thing. I keep telling myself that I'm ready to date and that I genuinely want to start looking around for a new relationship, but then it seems like I psych myself out by worrying out things like cheating, keeping her satisfied, not having any time for myself, etc.
You're engaging in all-or-nothing thinking. Jumping back into dating doesn't mean you'll find an instant relationship that's demanding of your time. And worrying about cheating is unnecessary negativity. Your dating process could take many months, a year or more, before you find someone you really click with and want to get to know better. You're really putting the cart before the horse. You could wait awhile longer, and eventually start asking those women out, whom you already know. People who seem interesting or fun on the surface can, over time, turn out to not be a good match, you know. The process is unpredictable, and it's best not to make assumptions beforehand.
Just enjoy the social part of it, and don't worry about any potential complications. You may not click with any of those women, medium-term. That doesn't mean you can't enjoy some outings and conversations, some human companionship.
I don't blame you. I went about two years without dating after two somewhat bad experiences in a row. Just started dating again this month and will see how it goes, but have to admit I am guarded. I learned a lot from my last two girlfriends as far as what I will and won't tolerate. That's all part of the process, but honestly there is nothing wrong with being single until you feel ready.
I am a big believer in gut feelings. They exist for a reason. You would be best served to listen to them.
J
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