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I've*had*feelings for a coworker of mine for a few months. I am 29, she is 26. We've had light flirting and she has always initiated texts/snaps. I've noticed in the past few weeks she has been orbiting me, sitting close to me etc.*I have never pursued and i am always there to listen to her and give her advice on things, like any other good guy would do. Last weekend there was a company event where everybody got drunk and afterwards i was invited to another coworker's place for drinks, there were about 5-7 people here, some roommates and some other coworkers. I was a little drunk but otherwise okay to drive there. I saw her by herself on her phone and i went up and talked to her. After blurting out i thought she was hot she said the same and asked "what do you want to do about it?". She then dragged me to another room and we sat and talked. She said she's known I've liked her this whole time and said i was the 3rd guy at work she's had a thing for. She also admitted she thinks I'm hot when we're playing coed hockey together.* She also said another coworker messaged her about a month ago asking what she thought of me, to which she said something i can't remember. At this point I didn't think too much of her being drunk, because she talked in a civil manner. I confessed my feelings for her, i ask her why she keeps going for the *******s and she should stop. she tells*me her life is a mess and she really doesn't deserve anything. After this we take some hits from a bong with weed in it, and i am totally baked. I start hugging everyone and following her around the house.*We talk more and make out a few times, and I*also held her hand for a bit. I ask her what she thinks of me and she says i'm a funny guy, "but you're my coworker" and "what if our boss finds out". I also remembered*some of the other people in the house came and checked up on us. After this she kind of pushes me away and says we should just be friends. She blacks out and spends the night, so I leave and am okay to drive home.*
The next few days are awkward, she ignores me and i am sensing a bad vibe. I ask the other coworker that was there that night and she says i was trying to take advantage of her being drunk when i "wasn't". I tell her I was drunk but I*didn't even do anything, just talked for the most part. the next day i tried apologizing for my behaviour to the girl i liked and she says "there's nothing to talk*about? it's all swept under a rug*lol*i'm not mad i don't even remember anything but i was told "things" and honestly just pretend nothing happened and move on". I try to make small talk at work and she brushes me off.*
What exactly happened here? Did she have feelings but decided against it? Did she really not remember anything? Did the other coworker spread a rumor to her that I assaulted her? I just find it unfair that I was partially drunk and*also baked and she doesn't want to listen to my side of the story?*This really sucks because I really liked her and miss talking to her. I feel like this will never go back to normal like before.*
One thing I also noticed is the coworker that accused me has*been trying to set her up with her boyfriend's brother (who was also there). But she has told me she isn't into him. Could there have been an ulterior motive to make me look bad to her?
I don't see where the "hook up" occurred, O.P. You were both drunk and high, made out a bit, and played an ill-thought out game of coworker confessional (so to speak). Good thing that it didn't proceed to an actual hookup (sex), methinks as this is how people end up in trouble.
The best course of action is to detach and distance yourself from this coworker as much as possible. No "snapping/texting," playing coed hockey, etc., let alone doing drugs and drinking with her.
She sounds like she has a lot of self-growth to do and is a prime example of why it's popularly advised to not date coworkers.
I don't see where the "hook up" occurred, O.P. You were both drunk and high, made out a bit, and played an ill-thought out game of coworker confessional (so to speak). Good thing that it didn't proceed to an actual hookup (sex), methinks as this is how people end up in trouble.
The best course of action is to detach and distance yourself from this coworker as much as possible. No "snapping/texting," playing coed hockey, etc., let alone doing drugs and drinking with her.
She sounds like she has a lot of self-growth to do and is a prime example of why it's popularly advised to not date coworkers.
I've been stressed out for the past week about this because I feel like I did something wrong but friends are telling me it's not a big deal and nothing really happened
I've been stressed out for the past week about this because I feel like I did something wrong but friends are telling me it's not a big deal and nothing really happened
It'll blow over in time. As my mother used to say, "if they're not talking about you, they're talking about someone else."
Your workplace and its coworkers seems to be overly involved in one another's lives, by the way. While it's good to have good relationships with your coworkers, there's way too much fodder for gossip in how you as a group seem to interact. Hang out if you will, but take it easy with or, better yet, avoid the drugs and alcohol and once again, limit your interactions with the coworker who's the subject of your original post. Drama on two feet, that one.
This does sound like an odd thread, but anyhow, yeah what the OP describes is in no way shape or form a hook-up.
There's really nothing to stress out over since no one has made any formal claims of the OP taking advantage of a drunken girl.
What I think the OP is stressed about is that this coworker does not seem to be feeling the same towards him as he does towards her. He admits that he has feelings for her, but she outright told him she just wants to be friends and is overall uncomfortable about the whole situation. Meaning, she doesn't like him in that way.
The OP probably can't and won't, but he needs to move on. Keep the distance from this lady, stop apologizing over and over and stop thinking he has a chance with this lady still, somehow.
It'll blow over in time. As my mother used to say, "if they're not talking about you, they're talking about someone else."
Your workplace and its coworkers seems to be overly involved in one another's lives, by the way. While it's good to have good relationships with your coworkers, there's way too much fodder for gossip in how you as a group seem to interact. Hang out if you will, but take it easy with or, better yet, avoid the drugs and alcohol and once again, limit your interactions with the coworker who's the subject of your original post. Drama on two feet, that one.
This does sound like an odd thread, but anyhow, yeah what the OP describes is in no way shape or form a hook-up.
There's really nothing to stress out over since no one has made any formal claims of the OP taking advantage of a drunken girl.
What I think the OP is stressed about is that this coworker does not seem to be feeling the same towards him as he does towards her. He admits that he has feelings for her, but she outright told him she just wants to be friends and is overall uncomfortable about the whole situation. Meaning, she doesn't like him in that way.
The OP probably can't and won't, but he needs to move on. Keep the distance from this lady, stop apologizing over and over and stop thinking he has a chance with this lady still, somehow.
Stressed because I was accused by another coworker that was there that i "took advantage" of the girl while she was drunk and I "wasnt drunk". It's made me feel like I'm a bad guy now with how the girl in my post is treating me now: cold, aloof
In the future, avoid work related parties where drugs and alcohol are involved.
You probably should write this young lady off. There’s no getting that toothpaste back in the tube.
And you did not “hook up” with her.
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