Need Help / Dating Advice on the Behalf of My Son

[K12144]

Originally Posted by Frostnip

As a woman, if someone isn't interested in talking to me - even just to say hi - unless it's to get in my pants, that's an automatic no from me. How are you going to claim to like someone then avoid them entirely?

Normally I'd agree with this assessment, except some of these religious-conservative types think dating is a prelude to marriage only, and won't date unless they're ready to get married. So I suppose it's possible they won't even get to know a woman unless they're ready to date, which they won't do unless they're ready for marriage?

Originally Posted by RubyandPearl

I see no evidence that son is "obsessed" in any way. He is interested and wants to get to know a woman he met in college but didn't feel ready at the time to take it further.

Except that this is a woman he's never even spoken to, and not only can he not move on two years later (from a crush on someone who, again, he's had absolutely no relationship with at all outside of simply seeing her in the same place he was a few times), now he's prepared to "wait" for her for years to see if she's interested. That's not... normally how people operate.

Originally Posted by RubyandPearl

People aren't born knowing each other.

No, they're not. But he passed on the opportunity to know her, and now that that ship has long sailed, he's hoping he can get it to turn around and return to the dock.

Originally Posted by RubyandPearl

Son knows Lisa from college.

He doesn't "know her from college," because he didn't know her to begin with. He knows she went to the same college he did-- that's it.

Originally Posted by RubyandPearl

Yeah it could be argued that Dad's too involved but it is often the case in traditional religious families that generations are close.

Look, I get asking friends, parents, or other trusted family members for advice on social or romantic situations. But I imagine one doesn't usually expect that friend or family member to then go ask about it on the internet... that's the part I find a bit odd.

Originally Posted by zentropa

Also, and I've asked it before, where is the mom? I feel sure a woman would have a different perspective on this cringey situation.

*Shrug* Maybe she's not in the picture, for whatever reason-- left, divorced, dead, son just didn't want to ask his mom for relationship advice. If mom was posting, would we be asking where was dad?


Of course, I notice that OP has checked out from this thread and we're all just arguing among ourselves at this point...

[kygman]

I think the first time I heard that "ask so and so to ask her..." was about 7th grade. And you know the good thing about trying to meet a girl even back at that age? Mommy and Daddy stayed out of it.

[gentlearts]

Butt out, Dad. Your son needs to move on and build a life. If he hasn’t found a job yet, he could wind up anywhere. He doesn’t need to be tied down to a girl right now.

[john3232]

Originally Posted by Danny K

His best friend actually is closer with one of Lisa's best friends, so to help my son, he texted Lisa's best friend and mentioned to him that he has a friend that knows about Lisa back from college and that he likes Lisa and is interested in getting to know her better. Without him even mentioning my son's name or who he is at all, her best friend said that "Lisa is very content being single and probably would not like to be set up on a date, so she recommended that he does not bring it up to Lisa, especially since he and Lisa are not close friends outside of the classes.

Originally Posted by Danny K

I really do like your idea of him going to the gym with his friend a few times to try and meet Lisa in an organic manner.

Humm. Study the woman while incognito. What could possibly go wrong.